Mediation advice please

[guildingthelily]

I have an online mediation zoom this morning. As organised by my ex.

What do I need to have ready?

Basically he wants more money from me. I haven't got any more to give him.

I gave him 30k from sale of flat. Which was in my name (yes, I know that he legally has a stake as we're married). I have bought a 3 bed house outright for me and the kids, also funded by a generous pension pot from last job.

I am single parenting our two children. He has them every other weekend. Often just for 36 hours. He takes them on holiday once a year.

He's an abusive alcoholic who had completely checked out of family life. He was absolutely vile. He lives to drink and that's it. He has developed a personality disorder and is unable to speak truthfully. He has no interest in the day to say lives of the children. I sort out everything and will do for evermore.

He has been married before and divorced, and was even sectioned due to being utterly delusional.

Any advice on how to deal with vile ex is gratefully received...

Unfortunately you cannot unilaterally decide you need more money, the split is 50/50 of assets as a starting point. Length of marriage etc does affect this but you need to come to an agreement or go to (very expensive) court where he's likely to be awarded a percentage of assets not a set sum

You need to have a view of total assets available and what each party needs and earns and how these should/could be met

you need to lay out your proposal fir a fair split of those based on principles of law not moral/emotional

And if you’ve bought a house outright and have pension it sounds like he’s ‘due’ more than 30k.

I know that he is probably 'due' a bit more but i am not happy with him benefitting from me having a career at a time when he was basically unemployed and did casual labour for mates. Why? Because he's a feckless drunk. He couldn't get a mortgage or life insurance because of his past so I was left to sort out everything. He has not once signed a bit of paper regarding the flat. Not because I didn't want him to, but because he couldn't be arsed. True fact!

Yes but that’s your emotions talking
not the law

Hi, I am reading your situation.

I think you should prepare all relevant financial documents, remain calm and focused during the mediation, express your financial limitations if needed, stick to discussing financial matters, consult your attorney for guidance, be open to compromise, document the session, and know your legal rights. Stay composed and remember, legal advice is crucial for your situation.

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Go to mediation and accept that you need to agree a financial settlement with him. Agree you need to provide all your financial information and agree you both have needs that should be met from the marital finances.

Park your opinions about this at the metaphorical door.

Your alternative is to be dragged to court and forced to payout legal fees and his costs along with yours.