Hiya, I don't have kids but my ex has narc tendencies (whether he is one I don't know) and he did the same twisting my words around and accusing me of being mentally ill - I left him, just got my shit together and left.
Please check out Dr Ramani on Youtube - she talks about this and releases tons of helpful videos on it and it's really helped me.
Do not pander, the thing is with these people is that it NEVER works. Basically just don't pander and don't react to it.
Give them enough rope to hang themselves with, that's what I've started doing to my ex. What I basically do is respond FACTUALLY to everything, I do not get into the emotional stuff with him. He levels accusations and calls me names, and I simply respond to the situation and ignore all the accusations.
Example:
He thinks i'm a narcissist, toxic person and he's had "enough of my toxic shit to last a lifetime"
He's saying this because after bullying me out of our joint home he wants me to contribute to him decorating it so it is more sellable, and I said no and gave him my reasons. My reasons are 1. We're in the middle of litigation and that is expensive so we can't sell right now because of that. 2. It's non-essential work and I don't live there anymore. 3. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him (which I didn't tell him but that's a reason too).
Normally I would have responded emotionally with "can't you see what you're saying, i can't believe you are speaking to me like this omg waaa" and reacted.
Now I just ignore it and I respond with "I have made my views clear on the situation".
He came back with threats saying if I don't contribute I won't get the added value.
I just responded to that with "the property is jointly owned, I will get 50% equity and if you don't think that is right you will need to take me to court".
He's responded back with a load of "you're toxic, you're mentally ill, this is just what i expected from you blah blah blah".
I didn't respond. My point has been made and I have made it factual and clear.
If he does take me to court then good luck to him because i'll be submitting all these emails as evidence. Enough rope to hang himself.
He's unhappy that I left and took legal advice, that he's been left paying the mortgage because he forced me out and that I actually took it to the point of leaving because i couldn't handle his shit anymore. He thought he could continue bullying me and intimidating whenever the urge took him and that I wouldn't go anywhere because I was tied in with a mortgage.
Just stay factual like a business arrangement and ignore all of the abuse. As little contact as possible is the most important thing and keep it brief.