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Divorce/separation

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DS 11 won't go his dads will I ever get a break

2 replies

Llama77 · 24/08/2023 22:51

My ex moved out in April. My DS1 (11) hates his dad and has refused to go to his new place. DS1 has autism and struggles with big emotions/anxiety. DS2 (8) has been fine going to his dads but they have all ended up spending most of the time at the family home on my XH's days, due to DS1 refusing to go to his dad's. This has been awful for me (having to see my ex so much - he has been moody confrontational and abusive at times)
From September XH is proposing that he takes the youngest back to his Mon-Weds nights. Then every other weekend XH would move back in to the family home Sat- Sun, while I stay at my mums.
This seems terrible for many reasons, especially that the brothers won't see much of each other during the week at all, and that I will get absolutely no child-free time except for 1 night every fortnight, when I'll have to stay at my mums. Also that I won't see DS2 for nearly 4 days every week.
I work longer days Monday - Weds, plus my XH also has autism which means he struggles with anything but a very simple routine. This is why we had tried to go for a repeated weekly schedule.
I have seen other threads on here with similar situations but wondered how others cope it all. (Kids in different places/not having any kid free time)
It was having a terrible impact on my MH having to see XH so much last term but on the other hand the new proposed routine sounds awful in different ways.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 24/08/2023 22:57

I'd stop ex coming to your house.

Send DS2 as planned. His Dad seeing him three days a week and every other weekend seems reasonable. It's about 50/50.

Continue to work on his relationship with DS1. Will DS1 go to his house for a few hours after school if he doesn't have to sleep there? Or spend the day Saturday/Sunday with his dad and brother if he can come home afterwards or if they're out at an activity not at ex's house?

I suppose it depends on why he hayes his dad to start with. Does he have a good reason?

Llama77 · 24/08/2023 23:38

It has been years of XH not meeting Ds1’s emotional needs, he has been an authoritarian, critical and often distant parent and they have clashed for years. DS2 is neurotypical and much more relaxed/cooperative so XH finds him much easier to deal with. Ds1 did start going for a few hours to his dads but refuses to do that now, or go anywhere with him. Very sad and frustrating

OP posts:
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