Financial order - ex not participating in process, what next?

[DarkeningGreen]

I'm getting so angry and stressed about the way my ex is dragging this out - posting here for any advice.

Short marriage (less than 5 years, been separated almost as long as we were married now), no children, no assets, no pensions, nothing to split. Ex is totally broke, I'm in debt (and with solicitors' feed it keeps climbing). I'm asking for a clean break financial order. We have conditional order, final order can be applied for any time, have done my half of the paperwork for the finances.

Trouble is, ex is refusing to engage in any sensible way! Ignores my solicitors' emails and letters for ages, when he does finally respond it's usually some self-pitying nonsense that I'm embarrassed they have to read! He is fixated on some personal belongings of his that I don't have - I've returned anything I could find to him and told him that if I find anything else in the future, I'll contact him. He doesn't tell the solicitors what he wants (compensation? the belongings' return stipulated in the order?) just rants about how I'm treating him.

What next? I'm so fed up of him I'm even considering just divorcing without the finances being sorted. Mediation and court would all have to be paid for by me, and doubt he'd engage with any of that either. How long can it all drag on for, if one person won't engage and there are no assets or money anyway?

Don't give up - that's not fair to you to have to it unsorted beforehand. See if any of this might help - iamlip.com its a bunch of free help guides that take you through the entire process so it might help you reduce some costs from the solicitors if you can find what you need here.
This specifically might be able to help you hopefully xx https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/
Also use facebook divorce groups for advice too. I found them and those help guides above useful.

Arrange mediation. If he doesn't turn up you can get it signed off and apply to court.

He can be as disengaged as he wants, the wheels will still turn without him. Give your solicitor some deadlines to pass to his, if they don't comply then take back the control and get it done. You're after a clean break with no assets or kids, I'm fairly sure a judge won't insist on reams and reams of documentation.

Take the decision-making out of his hands so you can begin to properly move on.

Just issue Form A to put an end to it.

Mediation focuses some people's minds so may be best to push for that.

Unfortunately if that doesn't fix it, you are looking at having to start court proceedings for a financial order to get it resolved.

He doesn't have a solicitor - he's unemployed and according to him, can't get legal aid. So it's just him responding (or failing to) to my solicitors - he's been given deadlines, just ignores them or replies with nonsense about his mental health and how awful this is for him.

I was really hope to avoid the cost of mediation, as its just so unnecessary and all paid for by me. He was also abusive (surprise surprise) so it will have to be shuttle mediation. If he even engages with that!

I'm so worried about this all dragging on forever and costing thousands in court - does anyone have any experience of how long/how much it would be?

So arrange it and if he doesn't show up take it directly to court. It doesn't need to drag on unless you let it, especially if he's unrepresented.

I think legal aid is only for DA. So he could be correct. Issue deadlines and tell your solicitor to finish it. A judge will just stamp it as it sounds like nothing to distribute.

How much are the supposed belongings worth? Could you add a token £200 to his settlement for “belongings which went missing at the time of separation “ - frustrating but possibly cheaper than court…

It's not what your going to want to hear but my experience took at least 3 years and a lot of £££ We had been married for a long time and had older children and a house to split though.

I was told we had to go to court 3 times before the judge would rule in anyone's favour, which just adds to the solicitors bill.

Not sure if the process has changed since though.

Pay the 100 quid to get a MAIM cert for court and the 250 odd quid for form A. Once a court date is issued it tends to focus the mind of the party that is not willing to communicate. That’s what my DP did and his ex settled the day before court. Take the power back into your hands. Good luck

The sooner you issue form A the better. He might be motivated that way to settle before the hearing. You always have the option to settle out of court but it can be very long so get the ball rolling sooner rather than later. If you can self represent as much as possible it will save you costs.

@Namechangedforthis2244 that could be any idea, maybe he'd agree to that if the mediator suggested it to him, I think if I did he might just go off on one about how I'm obsessed with money 🙄

Thanks all for the advice - my current plan is to wait until Tuesday to see if he's replied to my solicitors over the weekend. If not, email him myself to spell out that I'll be hiring a mediator, the cost, that I'll be putting the form in to go to court, etc. I've already spoken to a mediator I know of through someone else, they're on holiday, so the day they come back will be a deadline to give him. Just lay it all out to him what steps I'll be taking/what his options are.

I know I'm being way to passive in all this, but I am honestly scared of him and just want this all sorted with as little blow up from him as possible.