Apologies if this is a bit rambling but my heads a mess right now.
With my exP for 3.5 years, lived together for 18 months, the joke was I was too much and he was not enough, emotionally unavailable, Disney dad (my DCs are grown) pessimistic and on occasion cruel, the past 6 months have been hell and I moved out last week. We spent our last week in some kind of weird love bubble, saying goodbye to each other, lots of very intimate moments and kindness. In no way have I/we ever thought splitting was the wrong decision, this relationship has made me ill, I’ve had hives for the first time in my life and my hair was falling out…pure toxicity.
He helped me move last week, there were tears at the end and he said ‘never say never’ I nodded along although very aware that if he’s still in my life I’ll never be able to fix myself and move on, it’s been 6 days, I’ve been busy with the house move although felt very upset the last couple of days as it’s finally hit me that I’m alone, I deleted his number weeks ago when we decided to split as I didn’t want to have a glass of wine, feel lonely and text him. I’ve completely kept to this as I know what’s good for me, he’s just messaged me….just a ‘hi, how’s everything going’ but it’s set me back, it’s been 6 days, too soon, I’m still healing, I’ve been dreaming about him, it’s just really pit me back, I don’t want to block him as don’t want that ‘fuck off’ energy.
I’ve no idea what I need to hear but I needed to write this down, if anyone has any similar experiences and any advice then please let me know ❤️