Bit of a long one but I’ll try and break it down.
Me and my now husband are childhood sweethearts, we got together aged 15 and I found out I was pregnant with our first child aged 22. I wasn’t ready for a baby and was extremely distressed and didn’t know what to do however when he saw the test he told me he was happy and decided to leave for the pub later that day and told his family and friends we were going to have a baby, taking any options away from me, but I thought things would be okay if this was what he wanted.
Since then we have had a lot of run ins as he has carried on doing whatever he wanted to while I have been stuck alone pregnant/with the baby. He would go to the pub every weekend, bought a season ticket without telling me, had plans with friends every single weekend causing a lot of arguments which sent me into pre natal and post natal depression. He seemed to calm down over the last year or so and we are now 27 and welcomed another baby who is now 4 months old which has been a much better experience.
However, his going out antics have taken a turn for the worse. He does not go out as much as he used to but he still makes a lot of plans and we never seem to be priority. Lately every time he goes on a night out he doesn’t come home at all. I was aware he took cocaine on nights out which I was unhappy about but there was not a lot I could do and didn’t think too much of it although now I realise this is a massive problem. This weekend (as with most night outs) he failed to come home and turned up at 7am Saturday morning, but this time he was supposed to be on a shift and for obvious reasons could not attend although he was willing to drive an hour away to work whilst completely out of it. He is a contractor and I honestly don’t know how he still has a job after not turning up to shift with no explanation.
I have threatened to leave him multiple times even making him stay in a hotel once but this hasn’t changed anything. He says he will come home, he’s not staying out late this time etc but he never does come home and then ruins the rest of the weekend as he is in too much of a state and sleeps it off. This weekend he said he would be home at 12 and I stayed up all night waiting for him as he kept saying he would be coming home soon and then I got too angry that I couldn’t sleep at all then had to look after both kids alone the next day. Every time he says he is sorry and he won’t do it again, he feels terrible etc etc but he is just getting worse and worse. I kicked him out and he is staying at his brothers and he has told me he just won’t go out anymore so this doesn’t happen again but I know deep down this will only last so long and he’ll be back to it again or he’ll end up resenting us. I’m sick of being miserable and let down. I have been left alone for so long and treated as just an option, I see other couples/family’s spending all their time together where I feel he only spends time with us if he doesn’t get a better offer.
He is a hands on dad when he is not out drinking. We get along well otherwise and he helps around the house etc when he is home. He has a very very good job and it is not feasible for me to go to work with childcare costs so now I’m worried if I leave I will be left with nothing and no way of working but I just can’t go on feeling miserable and lonely and let down and I just can’t see any change coming. I feel like I have given so much up for him and the kids and he has not given up a thing. It has been 5 years of this and it seems to just be getting worse. My oldest hasn’t even asked where his dad is yet as he’s so used to him just coming and going.
If anyone has been in a similar situation do they ever change? I’ve tried so hard to keep my family together I don’t know what to do anymore.