Think I’m finally doing it

OnlyGoneandDoneitAgain · 2023-08-21T21:56:04+00:00

Well I finally made an appointment to see a divorce lawyer today. It’s mid next week: it’s been 4 months since I told my husband I want to separate and since then we’ve been half living separate lives in the same house, and half carrying on as normal, mostly for the kids. After a few days of feeling really miserable, I finally put my positive pants on today and made the call. Don’t know how I feel right now, mostly terrified I think! But also good that this is a step in the right direction.

bevvy81 · 22/08/2023 15:06

Good luck!! Hope you can avoid spending lots of money with solicitors

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 22/08/2023 15:33

Me too. I have an appointment with a solicitor on Thursday. It has taken me a while to get here.

OP I will make sure I’m wearing my positive pants too.

Anita848 · 22/08/2023 17:31

You've got this! It is 100% a step in the right direction. It's scary now but you will definitely not regret it. This will be the best thing for you and your kids. Good on you for setting an appointment with a solicitor. Remember there are also many resources online for you too if it becomes expensive as another commenter suggested. Keep using mumsnet for support and asking questions. Use facebook divorce groups for support too. Use all the support people have online such as reaching out to charities that can provide you with some good advice e.g. https://www.familylives.org.uk, https://www.iamlip.com/ which is a bunch of free help guides on the entire process - I used these. You can use it with your solicitor to reduce costs by doing some of the stuff e.g. forms yourself. There's also some help/a link at the top of this page to another resource people use.
You'll be okay - hope these can help x

Onestepforwardseveryday · 23/08/2023 15:59

I am finally taking that step too.
I am not using a solicitor yet. I have had a free half an hour of legal advice a while back and didn’t find it massively helpful at that stage. I expect I will need to use a solicitor if we can’t agree on splitting the assets and financial stuff.
But I am completing the divorce application myself and just paying the court fee. I feel I can manage that bit myself and save myself a bit of money on legal fees in case I need it later on.
It hasn’t been an easy decision and it has taken several years and lots of contemplating and procrastinating.
it has got to the point where I am truly unhappy and hate being around my husband. I have realised that he is emotionally abusive and controlling.
I am really anxious about the divorce papers landing as we are still living in the same house and will probably have no choice but to do so for some time due to finances.

Original poster

OnlyGoneandDoneitAgain · 23/08/2023 23:09

Onestepforwardseveryday · 23/08/2023 15:59

I am finally taking that step too.
I am not using a solicitor yet. I have had a free half an hour of legal advice a while back and didn’t find it massively helpful at that stage. I expect I will need to use a solicitor if we can’t agree on splitting the assets and financial stuff.
But I am completing the divorce application myself and just paying the court fee. I feel I can manage that bit myself and save myself a bit of money on legal fees in case I need it later on.
It hasn’t been an easy decision and it has taken several years and lots of contemplating and procrastinating.
it has got to the point where I am truly unhappy and hate being around my husband. I have realised that he is emotionally abusive and controlling.
I am really anxious about the divorce papers landing as we are still living in the same house and will probably have no choice but to do so for some time due to finances.

I think I’m in exactly same position as you.
we’re still living together, and with 2 kids.
And we’re being civil with each other at the moment. In fact it’s like he’s had a personality transplant since I told him I want to separate, 4 months ago.
So it’s not going to be fun when I tell him about filing for divorce.
But I feel if I don’t do this, then nothing is going to change. And none of us are
moving forward, getting on with our lives.

I hope all goes well for you.

It’s really scary but we can do this! x

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyGoneandDoneitAgain · 23/08/2023 23:10

Anita848 · 22/08/2023 17:31

You've got this! It is 100% a step in the right direction. It's scary now but you will definitely not regret it. This will be the best thing for you and your kids. Good on you for setting an appointment with a solicitor. Remember there are also many resources online for you too if it becomes expensive as another commenter suggested. Keep using mumsnet for support and asking questions. Use facebook divorce groups for support too. Use all the support people have online such as reaching out to charities that can provide you with some good advice e.g. https://www.familylives.org.uk, https://www.iamlip.com/ which is a bunch of free help guides on the entire process - I used these. You can use it with your solicitor to reduce costs by doing some of the stuff e.g. forms yourself. There's also some help/a link at the top of this page to another resource people use.
You'll be okay - hope these can help x

Thank you, much appreciated 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyGoneandDoneitAgain · 23/08/2023 23:11

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 22/08/2023 15:33

Me too. I have an appointment with a solicitor on Thursday. It has taken me a while to get here.

OP I will make sure I’m wearing my positive pants too.

wishing you all the best for tomorrow.
Positive pants on, you’ll be fine! x

OP posts:

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 24/08/2023 14:51

I did it. Met the solicitor. She was fantastic. I feel so much more comfortable now. I can do this. Small steps every day, with a great leap this afternoon.

WhatFreshHell1 · 24/08/2023 14:57

@StopProcrastinatingGerald well done! What did she say?

NeedTheSeaside · 24/08/2023 15:00

@OnlyGoneandDoneitAgain

loving the Positive Pants. I need to find some Superwoman or Energy Pants!!

best of luck getting it all sorted out. It's not easy but it will be rewarding.

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 24/08/2023 15:21

She answered my questions about childcare arrangements and finances. I’d filled in some detailed forms online first, but the financial stuff should be quite straightforward (provided DH and I can do this amicably) and the children are old enough to choose where they live. She explained what we needed a solicitor for and what we didn’t and how much things would cost/could cost. Just v sensible. And I feel as if a weight is lifted off my mind. I know what my next step is and I get to choose when to take it.

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 04/04/2024 18:08

A bit of an update. I stopped procrastinating (my name isn’t Gerald). It’s plodding along, we are going through process. But I owe myself - I owe the woman who started this post last summer, because I finally made the plunge and however long it takes there is a different future ahead.

To anyone else wondering whether to take the plunge (you probably didn’t wait 10 years like I did), I can reassure you that it’s okay. Some of it’s hard, but it’s okay.