moved into my own place 2.5 years ago after 30 year marriage. Never thought I’d be entering my 60s living on my own. Kids grown up and left home in my case
im an introvert so that helps with being on my own. There are plus sides: you know all household tasks, diy, issues are yours to do or solve so resentment at someone else not pulling their weight goes. You are more in control and plan to it. You can do what you want in your spare time without second guessing what partner wants. You halve your mental load. I was carer for my ex, so the mental load relief has literally saved my own mental health. You have autonomy over your life and that can be liberating
on the other hand, it took me along time to get used to only having me to make key decisions or deal with unexpected shit. Taking on that autonomy comes at this price, and it can be scary. I found having trades doing work particularly hard and even horrendous as they tend to take advantage of lone women. My builder on a project was so awful I was left distressed- he’d not have done and said things he did if they’d been a bloke about. I could imagine being solely responsible for making decisions and dealing with issues re kids could be hard.
I still find the time I have with the kids hard. I was a bit slow to realise that even though kids in twenties, left home, independent, that I was only going to see them half the time I’d previously seen them 🤦♀️ and that their precious weekends to meet up are limited, so I now only see eldest 3-4 times per year. Youngest is abit nearer so it’s more like every couple of months. But it’s been hard to accept that. This Xmas im on my own for first time in my life . I’m ok with it now, but the thought would have broken my heart 2 years ago.
I did 2 things that have really helped me
- moved closer to relatives - that has been lovely and I’ve reconnected with my family in ways I didn’t expect.I have now got really lovely close relationships with nieces and nephews which makes missing my own kids a bit easier.
- despite being an introvert, I put myself out there joining lots of activities. I’ve made a new network of close female friends . I now have an active social life, strong support network and sounding boards to discuss shitty tradesman experiences with 🤣🤣. I’ve learnt to laugh till I cry again, swear like a fisherman’s wife about said trades man ( and any number of other things) , and stay out late drinking wine and talking about stuff that I’m interested in, rather than listening politely to mansplaining or talking over me like I don’t exist.
in short, it’s a mixed bag. you’ll miss some things , you’ll slowly adjust to others, and you’ll love other aspects. Do read up on the “ grief pathway “, you’re going to go,through a change process including a loss, irrespective of how you feel about ex. Understanding how that impacts your emotions can be really helpful to taking a broader perspective through the difficult times.