Can I buy him out.

[Anon1979]

Ok so I want to get divorced. I earn much more than him and could potentially buy him out. But he wants 50%. I think this is unfair, I will have custody of our child and have for entire mortgage paid it solely. He did buy groceries and stuff but I have contributed much more. He spends all his money on himself drum kits , cars, teeth and hair replacement. All my money goes into our home and our son. I have an appointment with a solicitor next week but just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

He wants 50% of what?

50% of our home value.

He's not even subtracted outstanding mortgage.

Impossible to say based on what you’ve written:

There are lots of things to consider including
pensions
debts
asserts
size of mortgage
responsibility for children
future earning capacity
adequate needs of both parties.

generally speaking, you add up all the assets, take away the debts and the starting point is 50/50. However if one of you had the potential to earn more/has given up career to look after kids etc the balance can shift.

it’s common to “trade” in certain situations ie I’ll take the equity in the house, but you keep your pension. Every case is differnt.

If you are housing children then you may be entitled to a bigger split however if it goes to court they will want to make sure your ex is adequately housed too. Also if it goes to court be prepared to spend £10-15k each

hes only entitled to a share of the equity. If he thinks otherwise he’s deluded. This is also a problem as can lead to expensive solicitor bills if you have to explain everything 3 times

If it's not a 50/50 split you're better off going through the court and supplying as much evidence as you possibly can.

I wish to stay in the family home and have sole custody. I have no debts, he has personal cc debt. He has no future earning capacity much above what he earns just now, im at the top of my band so nothing extra . If anything I have lost career opportunities because the sole carer for our child. I do all pick up , drop offs and if he is dick I stay at home.

How long have you been married? As far as I understand it, unless you've had a short marriage, the starting point is 50/50, regardless of who has paid what 🤷🏻‍♀️

12 years. Of me paying everything.

Starting point will be 50/50 regardless of who spent what.

What was your counter offer when he asked for 50%

Depending how long you were married he may be entitled to half. Regardless of who paid what re mortgage, food etc. He will need somewhere to live that is suitable for your child to stay in too presumably. I was in a similar position - it was a painful and expensive experience. Sorry op. Legal advice is your friend!

It doesn’t matter who paid whst
you’re married

so you need to reframe your thinking into

what assets do you have jointly
what do you need
what does he need

in terms of exiting the marriage on equal footing

what housing needs do you both have
what do you both earn
what are the child arrangements
etc etc

that will determine the split

it doesn’t matter that you paid for things

He may have run up the cc debt but you will likely be responsible for paying off half of his debt. A judge won't care who runs it up just whilst you were married it was run up. He will likely want to share pension too. So pool both pensions and you'll get 50 percent each. When he fills out asset form make sure if he has any instruments he lists them. Cars are listed on form too plus any jewelry as well as savings, ISA's. The chances are you will get half of the equity in the house, half of joint pensions, share half the debt. It is very hard to get more than 50 percent. I offered my exh 50/50 on house equity, savings, business which we held equal shares as and pension share. He refused and insisted I should take house with 4 years left of mortgage to pay, keep our own pensions and he kept all of our business. Needless to say our business was valued at almost 4 times the value of our house. The judge ordered if he wanted business he had to buy my half at going concern value. I kept our house and he had to take out a business loan to pay me some of the value of the business balance. He had to pay me some of his pension too. He was ordered by the judge to pay most of the court cost as the judge said I had made a sensibly and fair offer and he should have accepted it instead of dragging me to court. He has not spoken to me once since, even at our daughter's graduation or wedding. If you go to court it will be expensive.

I think the best thing you can do is read up on how divorce laws actually work in your jurisdiction. Presumably you are in England. All the assets will be split based on needs.

There is no such thing as sole custody. Shared parenting is normal with the child spending time with both parents.

It's not helpful to get stuck in the mentality of "what is fair" unless he's on board with your perspective (which obviously he isn't). Most divorced people will walk away thinking "that wasn't a fair split". In the nicest way, you have to get over it. Else You could get bogged down making no progress, and getting further traumatised emotionally about what wasn't "fair". How does that help anyone?

From the court's PoV the most important person in this picture is your child and it's to their benefit to have stable financial security & a great relationship (regular contact) with both parents. However that is achieved.

You could list out here what your think the values of your assets are
capital in property (ies), est. value - mortgage
cash
investments
pensions
anything else large, like ownership of a business or cars...
other debts

I d happily walk away with nothing. I just wondered if it was automatically 50/50 even if you are staying in the home with your child. I've heard of people staying on the home till child is 18 then selling. Im In Scotland so the law is different, I'll see what the solicitor says next week. Thanks for all the information.

As you say Scottish law is very different so it would have bend useful to state that upfront

Homework- my little one has just started P1 (Scotland). He's had homework every night. I strongly disagree with this. What should I do. I've been sending it back undone (were only 1 week in). But Im sure the teacher will say something soon. We do educational activities that he enjoys so I hate the thought of a worksheet and the formalitie of it. Attached image is from day 1 which ended in tears.