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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Rent v Buy

40 replies

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 14:20

Hi,
Has anyone been a home owner and ended up renting after divorce?

Our options:

(a) Sell property and both rent (not enough equity to buy). I am primary carer for 4 children and ex has then 2 nights per fortnight. NRP currently renting 2 bedroom place.

(b) Sell property and 100% equity to buy a new, smaller family home. Offset with savings and pension. NRP continues to rent.

Renting would be approx £500 more than mortgage so house sale proceeds would have to be used to cover extra.

Has anyone been in similar position?

OP posts:
Mummy2mybear · 18/08/2023 15:04

No, but I would definitely look at buying over renting at least it will give you some security. How old are you? I would personally look at taking out a mortgage on a smaller property if your circumstances allow, Nothing wrong with renting but overall renting is so expensive compared to buying in the long term. All the best whatever you go with.

Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 15:54

I’m in my 40s. I could do it if 100% of equity but obviously that is not going down very well with ex.

OP posts:
rwalker · 18/08/2023 15:58

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 15:54

I’m in my 40s. I could do it if 100% of equity but obviously that is not going down very well with ex.

Tbh I’m not surprised

LemonTT · 18/08/2023 16:04

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 15:54

I’m in my 40s. I could do it if 100% of equity but obviously that is not going down very well with ex.

If it’s not something he would freely offer how are you going to secure 100% of the equity. Are there other assets he would keep?

This might be what you want but is it a realistic expectation? It leaves a lot for him to fight for and a lot for you to lose if this goes to court. Seems to be recipe for running up legal costs in pursuit if an outcome that won’t happen.

Mummy2mybear · 18/08/2023 16:10

How much equity would you be looking at if things are settled with your Ex? Where do you live OP? I mean some places are not as crazy as others. I know you have children so relocating is not in best interests but If you still have a decent chunk must be some avenue you can look at.. Shared ownership? Just a thought I personally would rather buy a flat than rent for your future security. As I imagine this will be a long term residence private renting market right now is criminal.

Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 16:42

If he keeps 100% of pensions and savings, it would be a 60/40 split.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 18/08/2023 17:32

It’s generally always better to buy if you want a long term home. However that applies to him as well. He might want to keep some equity to buy. Like you he will save money and have an asset.

At this stage you need to look at as many options as possible. Have you started mediation yet?

Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 17:53

He refuses to do mediation. He is not in a position to buy (even with equity) as he has recently left employment and started own business and I believe they normally require a couple of years of accounts. In a couple of years, this could be an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 17:54

I appreciate in an ideal world, he would also buy straight away. But in our situation, there would only be enough equity for one of us to buy.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 18/08/2023 18:10

Has the pension been valued so you understand the trade off between pension and equity ? Ie £1 equity worth more than £1 pension

Lenald2512 · 18/08/2023 18:11

Can you not use it as a deposit and get a mortgage?

daisychain01 · 18/08/2023 18:18

How much equity will you each be left with after selling the current Matrimonial Home?

Even if your ex couldn't afford to buy now, he could wait for a couple of years to get the accounts on his business and plan towards buying then. In fact the market conditions may be a lot more conducive in 2-3 years time anyway. But that's surely his decision, you just need to sort out your own situation.

LemonTT · 18/08/2023 19:12

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 17:54

I appreciate in an ideal world, he would also buy straight away. But in our situation, there would only be enough equity for one of us to buy.

The thing is it’s not an “our” situation. This is your situation and you are making a lot assumptions about what he will want to do.

Whether he uses his share of the equity to buy immediately doesn’t mean it won’t support his desire or entitlement to a share of the equity. Starting up a new business may be a reason why he wants working capital now. Having all his pension might not be his priority.

This is why you need to planning around what you can do to improve your situation. The marital pot isn’t the only way to meet your needs.

You need to push him on mediation and take the lead. Otherwise you will end up in court being told by a judge to do it at great cost to you both.

Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 19:46

100% equity plus my maximum mortgage capacity would give me enough to buy a very small 3 bedroom home for the 5 of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 19:49

Other than the marital pot, what other ways are there to meet our needs? I’ve already doubled my working hours to nearly full whilst still managing childcare. There are no other funds other than the marital pot.

OP posts:
NeedTheSeaside · 18/08/2023 19:57

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 15:54

I’m in my 40s. I could do it if 100% of equity but obviously that is not going down very well with ex.

@LDA123 Well, that's a bit like tough shit isn't it. You have his 4 children to house. He can bloody well rent as a single bloke.

Do whichever is the best option for you & 4 kids, stay put or sell & buy something cheaper, but not too small, they just grow & grow & stay home longer & longer.

4 kids and housing security for them HAS to come first.

NeedTheSeaside · 18/08/2023 20:01

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 16:42

If he keeps 100% of pensions and savings, it would be a 60/40 split.

@LDA123

it's not about two adults splitting their assets. It's about 4 children needing secure housing. renting is not secure. It's expensive & unstable.

Youre being left with 4 children to bring up, your ability to earn is going to be far less than his & your expenses far greater.

it's not about him giving you all the equity, it's about him giving his children some security.

NeedTheSeaside · 18/08/2023 20:04

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 17:53

He refuses to do mediation. He is not in a position to buy (even with equity) as he has recently left employment and started own business and I believe they normally require a couple of years of accounts. In a couple of years, this could be an option.

@LDA123

well, that's bloody convenient isn't it.

easy way out of paying towards the kids.

you're being too soft.

millymollymoomoo · 18/08/2023 20:10

Courts would prioritise housing but wouldn’t state that had to be owned

its reasonable he may want /need some cash now

it’s also reasonable that you can offset other assets if you understand their true value

have you factored in cms to your mortgage ability ?

Original poster
LDA123 · 18/08/2023 20:18

We are in a fixed period so have to stay with the same mortgage company otherwise a huge penalty. They don’t accept CM. Plus it’s very unstable because he now hasn’t got a job and saying the business isn’t making much money.

reasonable that he wants some cash now but he does have £40k in the bank and I have nothing. So he has some cash.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 18/08/2023 21:10

LDA123 · 18/08/2023 20:18

We are in a fixed period so have to stay with the same mortgage company otherwise a huge penalty. They don’t accept CM. Plus it’s very unstable because he now hasn’t got a job and saying the business isn’t making much money.

reasonable that he wants some cash now but he does have £40k in the bank and I have nothing. So he has some cash.

This is why you need to get to mediation.

Original poster
LDA123 · 19/08/2023 05:53

LemonTT · 18/08/2023 21:10

This is why you need to get to mediation.

Show quote history

Like I said, he refuses to go. I’m not convinced mediation will provide a miracle answer anyway, we are still going to run into all the same problems and the joint pot is limited. i want to avoid court, I’d have to represent myself as have no funds. I am waiting for him to seek legal advice to work out the best way forward.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 19/08/2023 06:13

Can you segregate the house and create two abodes?
Can you sell and purchase a house with a granny flat with separate entrance? You could purchase in a 60%/40% partnership - or however is fair.
Can you buy two two bedroom houses?

If you get along okay keeping equity in a house rather than renting will be better in older age. If you can live harmoniously and respect each other's privacy parenting the children would be easier if the kids don't move out of their home. Four children is a lot for both of you to have to house when they are with you.

Original poster
LDA123 · 19/08/2023 07:04

We can’t stay where we are as when the fixed period is up, we can no longer get a mortgage. I can only secure a mortgage for less than half of the existing mortgage. He can’t get a mortgage as newly self employed. Sharing a house together is not an option as things are not amicable.

100% of the equity gets a small 3 bedroom place. No chance of granny annexes etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
LDA123 · 19/08/2023 07:09

it would be possible to buy 2 x 2 bedroom flats. Well, I could buy now but he would have to wait for a couple of years whilst he sets up his business.

But is that really the best solution? So the kids are with me full time except 4 nights per month. So that whole time, there would be 5 of us in a 2 bedroom flat (presume kids share and I won’t have a bedroom) whereas he would be living in a 2 bedroom flat as a single man most of the time. I’m not sure that puts the children’s needs first and it best for them.

OP posts:
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