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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

The family car

44 replies

LDA123 · 14/08/2023 12:18

Hi,
4 children live with me, ex has them every other weekend Friday to Sunday. Car is a joint asset. I pay 100% of the costs. It is owned and registered to him (from when we were married).

He takes the car Friday to Sunday when he has the kids leaving me without transport. He doesn’t own a car but has access to his Mum’s smaller second car (which we gave to them) plus his family have another car. They all live locally and most of the time, the kids stay there.

I want to keep the family car Friday night and Sat day and drop off Sat PM. He has said no. Basically both of my parents are unwell and I want to be able to visit without the children and neither are local.

Do I have any rights here? Do I have to hand over the car?

I suggested I use the our old car instead of the bigger family car but they said no.

We are trying to sort the finances but when finalised, I am arguing for the car to be transferred to me as I have the kids most of the time.

Thanks for any help. I feel so sick of it all today.

OP posts:
Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 14/08/2023 20:34

Would this be an option, instead of him having the car every weekend he has the children, he has it alternate times, so it would work out about once a month. Or alternate times you take the car for 1 day / night so you can see your parents. Not ideal but it’s something. He sounds totally unreasonable though and I realise likely to say no if he’s already shot down your other suggestions

Dragonsandcats · 14/08/2023 20:44

LDA123 · 14/08/2023 19:58

There are no other assets excluding family home (have agreed to sell) and pension. Well he has £40k plus in bank from a redundancy but I’ve agreed not to touch that.

Why shouldn’t you touch it? Seems like you’re being generous.

Paq · 14/08/2023 20:47

I'd start to go after the £40k if he's going to be a prick about the car.

FrangipaniBlue · 14/08/2023 21:25

Ask him to use a couple of £k from us savings to buy a small cheap runaround.

When you drop the kids off swap cars and you take the runaround for those couple of days?

FrangipaniBlue · 14/08/2023 21:26

*his savings

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 14/08/2023 21:39

Don’t let him keep the redundancy money as well.

Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 00:59

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 14/08/2023 20:04

Whoever has the bill of sale (ie paid for it in the beginning or signed the credit agreement) owns the car. It is not joint asset until the divorce. Cars are not like houses where there can be more than one owner.

It was paid from our joint bank account.

OP posts:
Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 01:02

They have 1 car but that doesn’t help as they live hours from me so I would still need to take public transport to get to them.

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 15/08/2023 01:10

Reading this I’m so glad dh and I don’t share a car. But, I agree with those that say go after the £40k if he’s going to be so bloody petty. Just drop the kids off with no car, that’ll be his problem to solve.

Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 01:23

I just can’t believe this is what people do in the same situation, share a car with an ex partner for years on end.

Especially when:

He has £40k in the bank so could buy a small run-around

He wouldn’t even need to buy a small run around, I’m pretty sure his parents (they have 2 cars for 2 people and are retired and live round the corner from him) could just give him back the small car we gave them (which he uses now).

i don’t have any savings and I can’t afford to save monthly. I pay 100% of all house, car and child costs and he pays statutory child maintenance so I just about get by. I have no family in the area.

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 15/08/2023 01:37

If he's paying no running costs and you pay 100% of them I'd be asking him to pay towards the car in some way of he's having use of it. Who pays the insurance for example?

Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 01:40

I pay the insurance, breakdown cover, MOT, repairs etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 01:41

It was bought outright from our joint bank account so no finance on it.

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 15/08/2023 07:34

It was bought outright from our joint bank account so no finance on it - but who signed for the transaction with the dealership/previous owner.

LemonTT · 15/08/2023 08:21

OP you can either argue it is marital asset or it is owned by one of you. If a shared asset then it should be shared and used in the interests of your parental responsibilities. Which is what you agreed and he wants to stick to.

If you want to assert title. It sits with him now and you in a possible future. It would be high handed and counterproductive for you to just take the car.

Essentially you need a favour from him and his family. One they don’t have to agree to. If you approach it with demands and threats be prepared for a no and a more acrimonious path to settlement. This is a situation where you catch more flies with honey.

Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 11:29

LemonTT · 15/08/2023 08:21

OP you can either argue it is marital asset or it is owned by one of you. If a shared asset then it should be shared and used in the interests of your parental responsibilities. Which is what you agreed and he wants to stick to.

If you want to assert title. It sits with him now and you in a possible future. It would be high handed and counterproductive for you to just take the car.

Essentially you need a favour from him and his family. One they don’t have to agree to. If you approach it with demands and threats be prepared for a no and a more acrimonious path to settlement. This is a situation where you catch more flies with honey.

I know it was agreed and I have been honouring that agreement for 15 months now. But my circumstances have changed and my parents are in poor health. I’m still offering to drop the car, just 24 hours later than normal.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 15/08/2023 12:55

LDA123 · 15/08/2023 11:29

I know it was agreed and I have been honouring that agreement for 15 months now. But my circumstances have changed and my parents are in poor health. I’m still offering to drop the car, just 24 hours later than normal.

Show quote history

What I am suggesting is that you ask him and be clear he is under no obligation to help you out. I mean you offer isn’t an offer. He gets nothing out of it but inconvenience.

This is just a facet of divorces. Some couples are incredibly flexible in agreements to make their mutual lives easier. Some are not and find that they are better off sticking to agreements. The later just means there is no expectation or disappointment.

Original poster
LDA123 · 15/08/2023 15:16

What inconvenience though really? He works Sat and Sun so his mum has the kids. They have 2 cars sitting on the driveway so are not without transport. The only inconvenience is they can’t take a passenger.

OP posts:
Itsybitsydoodah · 17/08/2023 22:25

Play the game. Send updated finance forms through and include his 40k. Also tell him he either stumps up assistance for the insurance and costs or you'll be removing him from the insurance. (Not recommended but If I really wanted to be antagonist I'd find a way to get my own car, cancel the insurance and not tell him then call the police, when it gets impounded its his cost and his problem).

He only needs a 5 seat car and he has access to 1 so he needs to man up and help the mother of his children out so you can see your parents.

Sounds to me like its time to be a little more assertive and kick his butt into gear given he's still not done his financial disclosure. Its not hard and the longer it goes on the longer he has to try and hide stuff.

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