Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Has anyone given ex another chance?

19 replies

BananaSlug · 12/08/2023 22:51

Me and my ex broke up a few years ago (he actually left me) life has been very tough and it’s just not getting any easier and I mean extremely tough, I have no help at all from family and im really struggling. Due to exes living situation he has never been able to have the kids overnight so there has been no nights or weekends off for me like most single parents. He mainly sees them at my house. His living situation won’t be changing (room in a shared house) recently he has expressed that he still has feelings for me, there has been nothing at all between us so this took me by surprise but I keep thinking maybe we could give it another go for the sake of the kids.. has anyone got back with an ex when you share children? Or is anyone staying for the sake of the children? I am struggling to cope on my own and wish I was one of those single mums that say it’s easier on your own but it isn’t for me at all. I think this may be the best option. Am I mad to be seriously considering this?

OP posts:
Bluesheeps · 12/08/2023 23:42

He’s saying he has feelings cos he wants an easy life moving back in. Don’t do it.
you wont have nights solo like single parents. You’ll have nights with a man who makes you feel like shit.
you’re mad considering it. But you’re struggling so it’s ok to have desperate thoughts.
don’t do it

Viviennemary · 12/08/2023 23:46

You need to do whats best for you. Don't have him back because you are sorry for him. But if you genuinely believe you can give it a go together and life would be better with him then why not. I don't think you are mad to consider it but think carefully first.

Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 00:02

he wouldn’t have an easier life living here our children are very very hard work. Right now his life is easy and carefree! He lives as a single man with no responsibilities

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 00:03

I guess that depends on how your relationship was and the reasons it ended last time. Whether you'll be moving from one shit situation to another or not.

Can understand how it's hard though considering circumstances just need to make sure you're not like, trapping yourself in another way.

YesitsBess · 13/08/2023 00:05

Why did you break up?

Bluesheeps · 13/08/2023 00:05

Most time in life it’s better to go forward than move back

Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 00:35

YesitsBess · 13/08/2023 00:05

Why did you break up?

He has a mental illness which he is now medicated for

OP posts:
YesitsBess · 13/08/2023 00:41

OK. Is your head telling you its wise to take him back?

Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 00:43

I really don’t know, I don’t want to need him but I cannot cope on my own if I had family support and lots of help I wouldn’t even be considering it. It won’t be worse than my situation now, he isn’t a horrible person and he isn’t abusive.

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 01:05

Know it may not seem like it now but what if you did get back together and down the line your circumstances changed and you didn't need him. What would you do then?

I dunno I see what you mean but at same time doesn't seem like you really want to and is that fair to him...

Does he not help with the kids at all at the moment?

Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 01:09

He occasionally takes them out or sees them at mine but taking them out anywhere is obviously expensive so it’s not a regular thing or if he takes them to the park it isn’t for long so maybe a hour. Circumstances unlikely to change in any way until they’ve grown up

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 01:19

Mmm. All I can think of is you either say it how it is and say look I'm fucking drowning here I need you to step up as a dad and help but you don't want a relationship.

Or you say something similar but say see how things go maybe down the line but we need to work up to that but no promises as you don't know.

I personally would choose the first because that's what he should be doing anyway. Obviously I'm blind on circumstances and his health but if he can he should be sharing that load. Depends I guess whether he would...

Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 09:55

Trust me I’ve done all of that I’ve begged him to step up a bit more but his housing situation is too difficult so he can’t take them all he has offered is to come to the house more and stay over but I feel like if that’s the case we may as well be together anyway 😕 he has offered to come to the house and stay during the week

OP posts:
Jas683 · 13/08/2023 10:16

Viviennemary · 12/08/2023 23:46

You need to do whats best for you. Don't have him back because you are sorry for him. But if you genuinely believe you can give it a go together and life would be better with him then why not. I don't think you are mad to consider it but think carefully first.

I agree with this comment but would add only consider it for the right reasons.

Ihaveoflate · 13/08/2023 10:18

Could you live together as co-parents but not as intimate partners?

Noorandapples · 13/08/2023 10:22

Yep we made it work again. But that's no guarantee, every relationship is different and this is such a big decision I would suggest talking it through with a counsellor first.

JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 10:31

Yeah I get that, must be hard.

I mean if it was me and you're stuck I would maybe say stay here but not as a couple but as parents as that is what is required and in order for you both to try get out of the hole you are currently in. Put relationship out of your mind if it's not what you actually want but work together to improve your lives which will benefit both of you and in turn your children.

Trust me you don't want to end up in a relationship you don't actually want to be in, you'll end up stuck and resent them. The fallout down the line can be bad. You can choose to say I'm not taking this further that way you can live separate lives still and work together.

My circumstances are different and not like yours but I stepped up and if it was me as him I would step up now, understand the situation and do that. Likewise if he is actually a good person don't make him believe you want him when you don't, I've been on the receiving end of that and it destroys you be honest and lay cards on the table.

Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 15:02

I’m not sure he would move in just to help tbh I know he would want more.. I’m not sure that would work

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 15:03

Noorandapples · 13/08/2023 10:22

Yep we made it work again. But that's no guarantee, every relationship is different and this is such a big decision I would suggest talking it through with a counsellor first.

Thank you

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread