Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

Original poster

Is he playing games

10 replies

Tillybud81 · 12/08/2023 11:23

So split up with partner a few months ago, I moved out and he's still living in the jointly owned house until we decide what we want to do (sell or buy out). I still pay my share of the mortgage and 90% of my belongings are still in the house as I'm just in my mums spare room at the moment.

I went to the house the other day to try and pick up my push bike but he'd parked his car right in front of the garage so I couldn't get in. He'd also moved/hidden keys for everything. I couldn't get in our shed, the garage nothing. I messaged him to say I'd like to come and pick up the bike and he said he's moved it to another storage site he has that I have no access to either and can drop it off to me.

Is he playing/controlling things by restricting me access to my stuff or am I just being a bit silly? I don't want to accuse him of this and don't wish to get into arguments but it has just annoyed me

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 12/08/2023 11:24

It’s your house. He can’t deny you access.

millymollymoomoo · 12/08/2023 11:29

Yes he’s playing silly buggers
why on earth did you move out
move back in

Original poster

Tillybud81 · 12/08/2023 11:33

I'm just not sure if he is or if he's just being really security conscious, he's always had a thing about security (even though we live in the safest place) and would hide keys and block the garage with the car.

The house is tiny 2 bed and would just be awkward but it is an option to move back in

OP posts:

JibbaJab · 12/08/2023 11:43

It may be that or you are in a similar situation as I am with my wife, although that was abusive and she's vindictive so maybe not exactly the same.

I had to leave to deescalate and she has since taken everything including the house and the children and I cannot return. So, although I own the house she has legally blocked me from my own home.

As I said may not be that and mine involves children but be wary he's not angling to take it for himself in some way.

Twazique · 12/08/2023 11:44

I would move back in but spend time at your mums as and when you need a break and not let him know when you are around. I would remove anything special.

BoohooWoohoo · 12/08/2023 11:45

If you are paying part of the mortgage then you have a right to enter the house.

By any chance did the relationship fail because he's paranoid and controlling ?

Original poster

Tillybud81 · 12/08/2023 12:00

JibbaJab · 12/08/2023 11:43

It may be that or you are in a similar situation as I am with my wife, although that was abusive and she's vindictive so maybe not exactly the same.

I had to leave to deescalate and she has since taken everything including the house and the children and I cannot return. So, although I own the house she has legally blocked me from my own home.

As I said may not be that and mine involves children but be wary he's not angling to take it for himself in some way.

No abuse thankfully, been fairly amicable really. Just don't know if I'm being paranoid.

Sorry your situation is so rubbish, hope you get it sorted

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillybud81 · 12/08/2023 12:03

BoohooWoohoo · 12/08/2023 11:45

If you are paying part of the mortgage then you have a right to enter the house.

By any chance did the relationship fail because he's paranoid and controlling ?

No it didn't, he was just a bit useless and I slowly fell out of love. It's been amicable up to now and I don't want to start any arguments, he even suggested only last week that I could move back in if I wanted and he'd go in the spare room so it seems odd. I've been reluctant to go back cos I know he really wants us to get back together and I know he'd possibly push a few boundaries

OP posts:

Isheabastard · 12/08/2023 13:14

My Stbx does very similar.

Ive moved out into rented, but 90% of my stuff is still there.

He says to me, oh come any time you like. It doesn’t bother me. But I’d rather go when he’s not there because he nearly always starts telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing (ie don’t get a solicitor (it’s too adversarial, don’t get a pension valuation etc etc)

But when I’ve gone there, the dead locks been put on and my key doesn’t fit the back door anymore.

So Ive taken to going when the cleaner is there to let me in. If he’s there I like having a witness.

Mine is definitely playing games. He doesn’t want me to have access, but knows he can’t legally forbid me access. Mine has never cared about security but now has a security camera inside the house(but only when he goes away.

Your partner might be doing similar to my stbxh. Or, if he wants you back, is he trying to engineer situations when you meet face to face? Or maybe he’s been buying stuff he doesn’t want you to see?

I think you can only push for what you want. Tell him to leave your bike in x place, then pick it up at a time that suits you.

Original poster

Tillybud81 · 13/08/2023 22:32

Thanks for the replys. Update today still no bike, he now has it in his van and was going to drop it to me but didn't. Some excuse or another.

Wouldn't mind but saw him yesterday at a mutual friends birthday do and he was saying how much he wants us to try and be friends and he'd like me to stay in his life but then he plays silly bastards.

Just needed to know if was being awkward about it and today has just confirmed he is. Can only imagine how he's going to be with the house sale and split

OP posts:

Flip