Refuses to sell the house

[Lubel25]

I need some fresh perspective on this. I was in an incredibly toxic marriage for 11 years which broke me mentally and physically. A year ago, I rented my own place with the help of a fulltime job and UC, and now feel like a different person. I have my teenage daughters 50% of the time but nothing has gone to court.
Ex is still in family home, which is in both our names, and refuses to sell it. The mortgage, which he pays, is in arrears which has a huge impact on my credit rating. There won't be much equity once it sells but he refuses to do so until the girls leave home (youngest turns 14 this week).
I am 52, and have a much lower earning capacity than he does and it worries me living like this. The rental is lovely, but I have no long-term security. I can't really afford legal fees, but I am seriously thinking of going to court to sell the house, and to be free from this man who is awful to me.
I have Decree Nisi. I have tried mediation (funded entirely by me) but he refuses to agree to anything.
Am I being unreasonable or unrealistic pursuing the court option? Does going to court actually make things worse and result in huge legal bills? Stuck in limbo with no money or security, and scared of doing the wrong thing...as I realise this is the worst possible time to sell...

Have you not been paying anything towards the mortgage if it’s in joint names?

You need legal advice straight away for the financial order. Do not apply for the Final Order until you've had legal advice.

I’m not contributing to the mortgage as paying very hefty rent, and in the marriage, I was freelance so could do all the kid stuff and paid bills, food etc whilst he paid mortgage. Even now, he earns double my salary.
I have a solicitor who is obviously pushing me to sell the house, but concerned this will make very poor relations worse, but also aware that I can’t continue to rent indefinitely.

Go through the courts to get an order to sell the property. Clear the debt and split the equity in a sensible manner. Clean break from him ASAP. The court will order a sale kf he can't buy you out which it seems he can't

You’ll need to force a settlement t though courts if he won’t cooperate - a judge can order a sale ( and even take charge of that if ex continues to cause problems)

push ahead and get it moving

I'm surprised Uc still paying towards rent and not pushing you to get it sold, although I think if kids are living there 50% of the time that may be the reason.

If you do nothing the mortgage Co will take back the house and sell cheap and fast possibly at a loss. I’m surprised you got UC without selling the house being a condition. Just apply to court - even without a solicitor - and get what the court thinks is fair and not have the worry of arrears or even negative equity. I’m surprised the mortgage co isn’t making threats already. The court won’t look kindly on his behaviour.

To hell with fear of making poor relations worse. Relatiins are never going to be nice no matter what you do. Be ruthless.

You have to go to court and afterwards go after your ex for costs.

You need an order compelling him to pay the mortgage until the house is sold, and an order compelling immediate sale of the house, with details including periodic specific reductions in asking price until sold. His decision to risk foreclosure can count as squandering of a marital asset as well.as financial abuse of you since your credit will be impacted.

I have a solicitor who is obviously pushing me to sell the house, but concerned this will make very poor relations worse, but also aware that I can’t continue to rent indefinitely.

You are still being controlled by your STBXH. You're not doing what your Solicitor advises because you are worried about the possible behaviour of your STBXH.

Speak to your Solicitor and ask them how much experience they have of DV and coercion.

Have you done the Freedom Program too.

imho, You have to go to court to get the house sold; this is the only way to protect your equity in the house (which ultimately protects your daughter's interests, too) because he is not protecting it any more. You aren't forcing this need to go to court, he is. Do not delay, you must force the sale now.

I hope you update us in 6 months, let us know what happened.

Unfortunately going to court might be the options. Solicitors can be very expensive though so I would suggest doing a few things - use solicitors’ free hours to ask any questions you might need the answer to (have a list ready) or do this with your current solicitor but have a list ready so you’re not spending too much. Join a few divorce groups on Facebook, they’re really good for answering questions (they were great for me). I also used this - http://iamlip.com/ it’s a bunch of free help guides that guide you through your entire divorce. You might find some helpful forms in there to do with home rights. You can even use it with using a solicitor so you can save money e.g doing the forms yourself with the help of these guides. Hope this can help x

You need an order of sale through the courts unfortunately if he is being stubborn. Yes, solicitors are expensive but you just need to bite the bullet as this can’t go on forever, especially as he is destroying your credit rating and selfishly sitting on any equity in the house. Defaulting on the mortgage just sounds like a tactic to make sure any equity gets eaten up and leaves you with nothing.
He pays the mortgage, you pay extortionate rent, but by his defaulting you are in essence paying both rent and mortgage as your equity is getting stripped away.

And the courts will not look favourably on his tactics. There is legitimately no reason that house can’t be sold.