First appointment

[BirthdayRainbow]

Hello
This week I will be having two appointments with solicitors to discuss a divorce.

How do I decide who is going to be the best one for me?

I don't think H will want anything other than 50/50. All things considered I don't think this is fair.

The children are all 18+ with the youngest going to uni this year.

We are separated but I have not told him I want a divorce, we agreed at our first meeting after I asked him to leave not to rush into a divorce but tbh I see no point in waiting. At our second meeting he said hello and that was that. I didn't speak to him either. I would be happy never to see him again.

He is retired. I have been at home since expecting our eldest.

It is his fault we are divorcing which I know is irrelevant now but he won't make things easy.

Any pointers would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Why do you think you should have more than 50%? You don't have children at home to support and your children are of an age you could have gone back to work a decade ago?

That may be so, that she could've been working this last decade, but she wasn't, presumably with her husband's agreement. Joint decision and all that.

See a solicitor OP, Court will look at your potential future earnings based on working FT.

Would that be enough to support you?

I know in my case it isn't.

My h and I made the joint decision for me to be at home. There's always someone who wants to be snippy. How do you think that would help?

Is future money coming relevant? He will be very wealthy in a couple of years, some inheritance which I'm not counting but the rest is partly due to me being at home with our children as per both our wishes.

Future money coming is only relevant in that it won't be anything to do with you if you're divorced when he inherits it.

I'd choose your solicitor based on how you click with them, if you feel they "get you", but regardless of who you choose if you don't go along with what they advise might be realistic regarding the split of assets and whether you can be reasonably expected to get a job to support yourself post split (likely) you're going to cost yourself a lot of money.

Neither of them are working if he is retired. 50:50 is about right. They have equal needs.

Is future money coming relevant?

No.

How old are each of you, is either of you disabled?

are any / how many of your kids still financially dependent on either of you?
You need to get out of mindset that says you can't get a job.

I will have to get a job and I am fine with that. I'll be moving too.

Where did I say I wasn't willing to work ?

if we stayed together neither of us would have to work again but I know that won't be the same situation as a divorcee.

Two children are dependant on us as university students.

Go to link above to ADVICE NOW

read there guides before your appointment

be clear with each what specific tasks you want them to do - that’ll tell you who is best

understand “ fair settlement “ law before you attend- set your expectations correctly on how that will apply to you both. What solicitor says will give you indication then if they’re telling you anything positive to real you in

most importantly, if they don’t tell you to do the petition on line yourself and that it doesn’t need them, run for the hills- they’re scamming you

BUT, seriously read ADVICE NOW. They tell you what tasks you really must use solicitor for which tasks you might, and which you don’t need solicitor for.

arm yourself with knowledge before seeing solicitors. Remember they charge £200+ per hour. That’s £3.33 per minute they’re even thinking about your case. Your “ free” 30 mins is a sales pitch. They’ll explain bits of process to you which you can read on ADVICE NOW anyway, take notes , then sell themselves to you. If you can’t say clearly, I want you to do this task and this one, but not this one, you’re not ready to go frankly.

Where is the advice now link please?

Surely the point if the solicitor is because lay people don't know what's what?

Found it. Thank you

Is there any advantage to OP in not filing this as a 'no fault' split, the £593 fee and D8 form etc.? I don't know how the process works if there is a 'fault' divorce. I wondered if OP could save money by filing the D8 etc. now, to get to the consent order stage faster & more cheaply.

I imagine I'd choose a solicitor based on gut feeling who I wanted to spend more time with. Whose holidays I want to pay for and whose kids I want to help fund to send to private school.

How old is he? If he’s retired and your children are adults why is 50:50 not fair?
I get that you’ve not worked but he’s retired. So 50% of total assets each is fair

And future inheritance won’t be relevant unless it happens before you are divorce ( even then it might be discounted)
if future money is due to investments made during the marriage then they are considered joint and 50:50 is also fair

Do you have your own pension? I take it he’s already drawing his pension if he’s retired?

He's young retired. I have no pension. We are living on savings. Not drawing any pension yet. He's got a lot of money coming through investments and pensions (& inheritance he has coming soon which I don't want to take half off plus a huge inheritance in the future) whereas I have nothing now and nothing coming which is why I think 50/50 is not right.

100% his fault we are divorcing but again, I know this is irrelevant.

The reason for divorce is irrelevant, so you need to stop fixating on that

you will be entitled to a fair share, most likely 50% which will include equity, pension, investments -but not future possible inheritance

You both have equal needs. Yours are not greater.

if he’s retired it’s unlikely you’ll be awarded more imo

You say you have nothing now and nothing coming - but that’s not correct - you’ll have 50%(most likely) of exactly the sane things he’s has coming apart from a possible inheritance

I think you need to reframe your mindset and expectations. What does 50% look like ?

you get half of his pension value, too

So,
50% of liquid assets (cash, investment funds with a cash value on them)
50% of other assets, tangible assets (gold jewellery, cars, fine art, etc)
50% of the value of his pension
50% of the value of any property either or both of you own

is 50% of all of that enough for each of you to have enough to
a) have somewhere to live
b) continue to support the adult kids for a few yrs
c) have enough to pay basic bills

if not, you'll have to both/either go to work.

In a similar situation, friend literally grabbed half of all cash assets out of joint accounts & put them somewhere only she controlled, so that she knew he couldn't go out & spend it all. Lawyers typically tell you to spend as much as you dare as fast as possible, btw, so reduce the amount other party can claim off you.