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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

decree absolute before financial remedy proceedings conclude

20 replies

liveforDC · 07/08/2023 15:01

Dear all,

I have got my decree nisi 2 years ago and have been separated for 4 years. Currently in the process of financial remedy proceedings. The Respondent has been trying his best delaying the hearings. He may think that the longer it takes, the longer is the marriage.

Another reason of him delaying the proceedings could be that children would be older when the proceedings complete and my needs to support the children would be reduced so he could get more from the assets. There are three children and he is paying nothing at the moment. I work full-time to support the children.

Should I apply for decree absolute now? I am not in a new relationship or plan to, but just want to end the episode with him so mentally feel better and hopefully this can make him see that the divorce is over.

I am a LIP.

Many thanks for your advices in advance

liveforDC

OP posts:
2022NewTimes · 07/08/2023 15:46

@liveforDC - Legal advice is to settle the financial consent order before applying for final order - it is easier to make changes while you are legally still married

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/08/2023 17:03

No don't do it. You are far safer completing financials before you apply for your absolute. I would bring to the attention of the court that you are concerned he is trying to frustrate proceedings. What is he doing exactly?

Appleofmyeye2023 · 07/08/2023 19:59

No. Don’t do that- far less leveredge chasing someone you have no legal relationship with.

Original poster
liveforDC · 07/08/2023 21:01

@2022NewTimes @Appleofmyeye2023 @TheFormidableMrsC Thank you all very much. I will not do that then.

@TheFormidableMrsC He dismissed his legal representative on the day of hearing or claimed he was unwell on the day. Every time the hearing would be adjourned and not much progress so far.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 07/08/2023 21:25

liveforDC · 07/08/2023 21:01

@2022NewTimes @Appleofmyeye2023 @TheFormidableMrsC Thank you all very much. I will not do that then.

@TheFormidableMrsC He dismissed his legal representative on the day of hearing or claimed he was unwell on the day. Every time the hearing would be adjourned and not much progress so far.

Have you got a new date? If so, I would ensure you attend and make it clear to the judge that your ex is obstructing proceedings. There are things they can do such as penal notices so it's worth asking.

Original poster
liveforDC · 07/08/2023 22:34

@TheFormidableMrsC Thank you. I will do next time.

I have not got a new date, still waiting. Therefore feel frustrated and wanted to apply for decree absolute, thinking at least that's a progress. Ditched the idea now after seeing you and others' reply.

Good night

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 09/08/2023 06:37

Get some legal advice about this and don’t take advice from mumsnetters who have no knowledge of your personal situation. I applied for the decree absolute before financials were agreed because I also didn’t want to be married anymore. In my situation the only risk is that if he was to pass away before everything is sorted, I lose my claim to his pension. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Elektra1 · 09/08/2023 06:59

The main reason not to get a final order/decree absolute before financial proceedings are concluded is because if he does before the financial proceedings conclude but after the decree absolute, you will have no claim on his pension.

Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 11:45

Elektra1 · 09/08/2023 06:59

The main reason not to get a final order/decree absolute before financial proceedings are concluded is because if he does before the financial proceedings conclude but after the decree absolute, you will have no claim on his pension.

Thank you @Elektra1 In my case because I have been working full-time I have my own pension and I am not asking for a pension order at all. He on the other hand is trying to get my pension while hiding his own money.

OP posts:
NewmemyselfandI · 09/08/2023 14:07

Id agree that if you don't mind possibly missing out on pension, I'd end it. The way I see the longer it takes he still has a claim on what you have been earning and at least that puts a date on that. Not an expert but was considering doing on my divorce for similar reasons and situation (also pay for all for kids and earn more) and was advised by my solicitors itd be fine if I didnt care to earn anything else from him.

Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 14:26

Mumof3confused · 09/08/2023 06:37

Get some legal advice about this and don’t take advice from mumsnetters who have no knowledge of your personal situation. I applied for the decree absolute before financials were agreed because I also didn’t want to be married anymore. In my situation the only risk is that if he was to pass away before everything is sorted, I lose my claim to his pension. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Thank you @Mumof3confused It don't want his pension and I just want to end the relationship mentally. If I apply for decree absolute, does that mean he will lose claim to my pension? Also, does it affect asset division? I am paying mortgages on my own (struggling) although the FMH is in joint names.

OP posts:
Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 14:30

NewmemyselfandI · 09/08/2023 14:07

Id agree that if you don't mind possibly missing out on pension, I'd end it. The way I see the longer it takes he still has a claim on what you have been earning and at least that puts a date on that. Not an expert but was considering doing on my divorce for similar reasons and situation (also pay for all for kids and earn more) and was advised by my solicitors itd be fine if I didnt care to earn anything else from him.

Thank you @NewmemyselfandI Sadly we are in similar situations.

I thought the court takes the separate date as the end date of the relationship which makes a lot of sense to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 14:31

Thank you @NewmemyselfandI Sadly we are in similar situations.

I thought the court takes the separation date as the end date of the relationship which makes a lot of sense to me.

OP posts:
2022NewTimes · 09/08/2023 17:49

If you get divorced ( final order ) without completing the financial consent order you are still connected financially - so if you won the lottery for example they can still come after you .

The legal advice ( from a solicitor ) I received was to complete the financial consent order before the applying for the final order so that once you have both - it is finitie and can not be backed out by either party as it has been rubberstamped by the judge....

Elektra1 · 09/08/2023 19:06

@liveforDC "Thank you @Elektra1 In my case because I have been working full-time I have my own pension and I am not asking for a pension order at all. He on the other hand is trying to get my pension while hiding his own money."

Yes, but if he were dead would you not want to get some or all of that pension for yourself and DC?

Mumof3confused · 09/08/2023 19:17

He can still claim on your pension but if you were to die before the pension has been transferred, he will lose any right to it once you are officially divorced.

It could be seen as aggressive on your part to complete the divorce before finances are agreed, if you have a large pension pot and he has a small one or none. I personally have a minuscule pot compared to my ex’s large one so I just stuck two fingers up at him but if it was the other way round I am sure his solicitors would have been after me with the usual nasty letters and accusations.

Get legal advice.

Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 21:14

2022NewTimes · 09/08/2023 17:49

If you get divorced ( final order ) without completing the financial consent order you are still connected financially - so if you won the lottery for example they can still come after you .

The legal advice ( from a solicitor ) I received was to complete the financial consent order before the applying for the final order so that once you have both - it is finitie and can not be backed out by either party as it has been rubberstamped by the judge....

Thank you @2022NewTimes Yes, I can see the point of obtaining financial order before decree absolute. But when one party deliberately delays the financial proceedings it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 21:16

Mumof3confused · 09/08/2023 19:17

He can still claim on your pension but if you were to die before the pension has been transferred, he will lose any right to it once you are officially divorced.

It could be seen as aggressive on your part to complete the divorce before finances are agreed, if you have a large pension pot and he has a small one or none. I personally have a minuscule pot compared to my ex’s large one so I just stuck two fingers up at him but if it was the other way round I am sure his solicitors would have been after me with the usual nasty letters and accusations.

Get legal advice.

I see. Thank you @Mumof3confused I have asked a solicitor before who also advises wait until financial proceedings conclude but they did not explain so clearly. Thanks a lot.

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 09/08/2023 21:21

Why is he not paying for his children tho? Totally separate and he should be

Original poster
liveforDC · 09/08/2023 22:34

Ladyj84 · 09/08/2023 21:21

Why is he not paying for his children tho? Totally separate and he should be

He stopped working after separation.

OP posts:
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