Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Partner keeps saying his going to leave but never does?

17 replies

Sickofit189 · 02/08/2023 08:14

I’m 5 months pregnant & my partners been an arse for most of it. Whenever I try to talk about what I’d like him to do (support me to my scans, ask how I’m doing etc) he often gets really angry and starts calling me a narcissist & saying his been wanting to leave me for years, said his never really liked me & that his going to leave.

so I say “go on then leave, go back to your mothers” & then he says not whilst you have pictures of me on your phone (silly goofy pictures of us). I delete all the pictures infront of him and he changes the subject then starts crying saying I used to be a dirty little slut & I’m not who I made myself out to be. He was very charming in the beginning and then he slowly changed into someone completely different, me however I am who I am & I’ve always been the same quirky, friendly women so kind of feels like projection.

then he will act as if nothings been said and he will go back to either being hot & cold or he will buy me food, invite me out wherever he goes - police my outfits, accuse me of meeting up with people (I’m 5 months pregnant ffs & have always been loyal) for sex whilst his at work.

he has a lovely little boy & I didn’t go out with him and the young one for a few months to give him time but every time my partner came back home he told me the little boy was in tears. So I decided to come out last weekend and he was really happy to see me, as was I, no tears either,

I feel like I’m going crazy, I know I ask for the bare minimum & it gets rejected but why is he calling me a “horrible, manipulative, narcissistic bitch” when I’ve honestly done nothing wrong? If anything all I did was try to make things work & my depression is so bad right now I’m literally going bald from it all.

OP posts:
CFornot · 02/08/2023 08:16

Leave him. He is an abusive arse.

DustyLee123 · 02/08/2023 08:23

CFornot · 02/08/2023 08:16

Leave him. He is an abusive arse.

This . And make sure you give baby your surname, not his.

Trixibella · 02/08/2023 08:26

how isn’t it obvious to you that having a man call you a “horrible, manipulative, narcissistic bitch” is not going to improve you (or your baby’s) life. Just get rid and have a fulfilling, calm and pleasant time without him. It will be amazing.

GracePalmer33 · 02/08/2023 08:27

Jesus, get the hell away from him. Research shows abusive men get worse when their partners are pregnant. This is who he is and how he will treat you if you stay with him. Abusive men don't suddenly just change and start treating you nicely. I'm sorry.

SallySunrise · 02/08/2023 08:29

He thinks he's got you trapped now you're pregnant. Prove him wrong by leaving him.

SaturdayGiraffe · 02/08/2023 08:47

You could spend your whole life asking why this man (or any other) does what he does.
Why? Why? Why?

The shortest answer is Because he wants to.
Now you know. Nothing you do will ever stop him wanting to behave this way. You can’t change him.

So change his access to you.

JibbaJab · 02/08/2023 10:23

Sounds like the narcissist is projecting.

Don't put up with that, it will get worse.

FartSock5000 · 02/08/2023 11:00

@Sickofit189 you could be the perfect partner who bows down and licks his feet every day and worships him and he would still abuse you.

He is NOT a fit partner because he IS abusive. He is leading you on and enjoying every minute of it.

The worst part is your brain will become addicted to the highs and lows of this abuse and you will seek more of it out and never stop the cycle.

Please get away now before that happens. Be strong, independant and find a real partner who will love you and respect you. Someone to be a good example for your new baby.

This man does NOT love or even really like you. Cut him off now. Free yourself.

Olika · 02/08/2023 11:18

Leave him. I wouldn't want this man around me or my future child.

Cattenberg · 02/08/2023 11:31

I agree with PPs. This man is abusive and controlling.

As you say, you’re asking for the bare minimum and his response is cruel, irrational and just not normal. It’s not you, it’s him. You could bend over backwards trying to please him, but it won’t work as he will simply move the goalposts, as you’ve seen with the photos.

It’s also wrong that he’s policing your outfits and calling you names, and it sounds as though he’s also trying to prevent you from going out and seeing people. There are many signs of coercive control in your post.

I’m not surprised that this man can be very charming - that’s how abusers reel people on and keep them there. But the abusive person you’re seeing now is the real him.

Please contact the police and/or Women’s Aid for advice and help. And make sure he doesn’t know you’re doing this, as he may react very badly.

Fizzadora · 02/08/2023 11:35

Stop being so fucking stupid and tell him to piss off.

There, is that what you wanted to hear?

If not, just accept that this is your life now and nothing will change until you get rid of him or he kills you.

Marie2222 · 02/08/2023 11:37

Sickofit189 · 02/08/2023 08:14

I’m 5 months pregnant & my partners been an arse for most of it. Whenever I try to talk about what I’d like him to do (support me to my scans, ask how I’m doing etc) he often gets really angry and starts calling me a narcissist & saying his been wanting to leave me for years, said his never really liked me & that his going to leave.

so I say “go on then leave, go back to your mothers” & then he says not whilst you have pictures of me on your phone (silly goofy pictures of us). I delete all the pictures infront of him and he changes the subject then starts crying saying I used to be a dirty little slut & I’m not who I made myself out to be. He was very charming in the beginning and then he slowly changed into someone completely different, me however I am who I am & I’ve always been the same quirky, friendly women so kind of feels like projection.

then he will act as if nothings been said and he will go back to either being hot & cold or he will buy me food, invite me out wherever he goes - police my outfits, accuse me of meeting up with people (I’m 5 months pregnant ffs & have always been loyal) for sex whilst his at work.

he has a lovely little boy & I didn’t go out with him and the young one for a few months to give him time but every time my partner came back home he told me the little boy was in tears. So I decided to come out last weekend and he was really happy to see me, as was I, no tears either,

I feel like I’m going crazy, I know I ask for the bare minimum & it gets rejected but why is he calling me a “horrible, manipulative, narcissistic bitch” when I’ve honestly done nothing wrong? If anything all I did was try to make things work & my depression is so bad right now I’m literally going bald from it all.

My partner is exactly the same, he can fall out with me for no reason ,doesn't communicate or apologise after ,just sulks for a couple of days then expects everything to be OK, bringing up children isn't easy ,you need support and lots of love someone on your team

Please don't end up like me

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 11:39

He is abusive. Tell him to leave. Then have space from him until the baby arrives.

UnsungShero · 02/08/2023 11:53

Poor baby being born into this shit-show.

You can’t control how this man behaves, but you can control who you and the baby live with.

What’s your housing situation- if you’re renting, who is on the lease?

When the baby is born, give them your surname.

Honestly OP, it’s insanity that you’ve stayed with a man like this, let alone chose to have a baby with him. Invest in therapy for yourself to understand why you went for an abuser. Stay single for a while and get some stability for you and your child.

TogetherInEclecticDreams · 02/08/2023 11:53

This is abuse of both you and your children. You need to plan your escape. Womensaid will help.

TheSandgroper · 04/08/2023 08:38

Why does he make you feel like you are crazy?

Because he likes the way it makes him feel so much it is now his happy place. Men who have found that they can create their happy place at will never stop.

So you have to stop it by removing yourself thus depriving him of the opportunity.

JibbaJab · 04/08/2023 09:36

@Sickofit189 There's different types of abuse not just physical, emotional and psychological is also very damaging. It leaves no visible marks but believe you me it can destroy you from the inside out. After years of it you quite literally go insane, become a shell of the person you once were and can end up very ill as a result. That's what happened to me, my whole body was affected, including my mind and also hair that was starting to fall out.

Your body ends up in fight or flight mode which is supposed to be for short periods when needed to survive from threat. However, it's in a constant state in the home environment, where you should feel safe and secure. Your body is telling you that you are not safe.

What you will find is the behavior is not consistent, it will cycle between being nice for a period then nasty. They lift you up and then throw you down in a cycle. It's intermittent reinforcement to keep you there, if it was always bad you would leave and they would be caught out.

It doesn't matter how patient or understanding you are, how much you do for them or make their lives easier they will find some reason to create chaos, become nasty and then blame it all on you. They can never be wrong, they see themselves as superior and hate criticism, blame or being at fault to the point they will do anything to avoid it. You are always the scapegoat, everything they do they blame on you, it makes you doubt your reality.

Be careful because in my experience and I'm sure others too, it gets worse and more frequent over time and there is no low they will go to, they tick on a different level to most, they lack empathy. Someone without empathy is capable of a lot.

Get support, plan and get yourself safe and be careful of what they know because rejection or you standing up for yourself, even in discussion is a trigger in my experience.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread