Divorce and Finance, baby 13 months old

[Hope677]

Dear all, I am grateful for any suggestions/ advice. My husband and I are getting a divorce. We were married for nearly 6 years when I was controlled, abused physically, emotionally and financially. Further to my husband hitting me infront of our 7 month old baby (not the first time), I left for the safety and welfare of my baby and myself. My husband got a police caution. My baby and I have moved back to family home. My husband now lives in our second property. Both houses are in our joint names with no mortgage.
Both of us are professionals. He has a lot of savings and pension too. I have less savings than him and have a pension. My husband could earn a lot but he reduced his work almost by half and made me pay for the majority of expenses over the years. He always argued that I should continue full time job and return to work from maternity asap though he did not help with the baby at all. He now claims he cannot work and does even reduced hours and says I abused him and he is depressed! I am getting therapy for post traumatic stress disorder.
Now I have a full time job that I have returned to from maternity leave, am paying for nursery for my 13 month old single handedly and am a single mum. I do not have family nearby but some friends and I cannot ask for help easily. I am managing this but with a lot of stress as you can imagine. I am also worried about going part time as it might leave me having to dip into my savings for expenses and hefty legal fees as we have cases in court for both child matters and finance. I am gutted that I am spending hard earned money on legal fee. My husband had initially said our baby is best placed to live with me. As soon as I applied for child maintenance he is now asking for 50:50 custody.

If I continue full time job, will it be a disadvantage for me in financial settlement? Should i go for part time job?

Thanks a lot in advance!

Don’t go part time
Your settlement will be based on your earning potential anyway not what you currently earn

is 50:50 shared care reasonable ?

Thanks so much for replying! I understand, yes earning potential will still remain. My lawyer did not tell me this. I do not want 50:50 shared care as my husband is very controlling, blaming and projects his negativity and low self esteem like he did with me. I am sure he will do this to our son. My baby is a beautiful boy who has no problems. My husband was already comparing him with other babies saying he was not good enough and using him to blame me. He also drinks alcohol in the evenings. He can by all means have contact and now has two days per week but I do not want 50:50 shared care. Moreover I think as we cannot have two homes, children should not be asked to have two homes too. They should have their room their things and their home in one place where they come back to. I feel sad otherwise.

My husband once had said that he will ask me for alimony before we separated. I do worry sometimes but he is doing some work now and his job is highly paid per hour.

Children can, and do, manage very well with 50/50 shared care. The fact that you have 2 houses that you own outright will make things so much easier. The difficulty will be if one house is worth substantially more than the other.
Regarding the financial order, the value of each house, pension and savings will all be considered. It may well be that if you live in the more expensive property you receive less of the savings, or vice versa. This isn't affected by how long the child stays with each parent - that would affect child maintenance only. If he doesn’t get 50/50 access, then he should be expected to pay nursery fees for his week, but I’d be very surprised that this would be granted given his DV history.

Thanks for your thoughts and experience on 50:50 child care. The problem is now after separation in his court application he has said that I abused him in the marriage which is untrue. It is all such a mess and court case is going to be so expensive.

Any man who would hit you in front of your child is abusive, to you and the child. Remember that, no child thrives in an abusive situation. He's doing all he can to make life hard for you, not better for your child. Make this point and make it often.

Thats helpful, thank you!

The courts can be difficult to go through, especially due to the costs. It's crazy how high they can get, it's not right. See if this resource might help you with lowering the costs https://www.iamlip.com/
I used it when I couldn't afford to use a solicitor (they weren't really getting anything done in my case), my friend did use both this and a solicitor though to keep costs down and not ask the solicitor to do stuff that she could just do herself through the help guides.
Anyway I hope this can help! I'm proud of you for doing this for you and your child, I wish I had done it sooner.

Thank you! It's great you did all this yourself. It seems daunting. I will try & see what tasks I can do from this website.

Also, use the link above in MN title to,ADVICE NOW.
very good guides to help you understand process, “ fair settlement” etc

Which MN link? Sorry can't find this.

Can you not get legal aid if you were in an abusive relationship?

Gov.uk website says you can get legal aid if you are victim of domestic abuse and cannot afford legal costs. I am working.