Child Maintenance

[Lou4545]

I’ve been separated for over 4yrs (divorced for over a year). It was his decision to leave & he moved 200 miles away leaving our 2 DD’s with me, youngest DD just turned 16 & eldest just turned 18.

My ex was paying child maintenance into my bank account every month, not consistently with dates & he would just reduce how much he gave me without any discussion or warning. He has a good, permanent job & a decent income with barely any outgoings as he moved in with his dad when he left & still stays there. He was only seeing DD’s one night a month with a bit extra in school holidays (their choice too as they’re not very close to him) but it’s now even less. Now that our DD’s are 16 & 18 he’s just stopped paying altogether. Our youngest DD has ASD, was struggling with school & left at 15 to go to college & she’s starting another wee college course soon; this should be classed as non advanced further education so I should still receive maintenance for her. Our eldest has now left school & seeking employment but hasn’t found anything yet.

Apologies, I’m not looking for advice really, just wanted to vent. We’re both parents & both equally responsible for our DD’s so why is it just left to fall on me to financially support 2 teenagers on my own. I understand in the eyes of the law that my eldest is 18 & my ex doesn’t need to pay anything but surely a decent person would help out until she secured employment. I’ve been struggling financially anyway with the rapidly rising cost of living but I actually don’t know how I’ll manage on just my wage. I’m also no longer eligible for universal credit, child benefit or council tax discount for being the only adult in the house so have taken a huge drop in income. I have a decent enough job & we live in a small ex council house but I’m still struggling to keep my head above water.

I have now applied to the CMS for maintenance for our youngest DD but had to pay a £20 application fee, it takes around 6wks for them to reach a decision & 10-12 weeks before receiving any payments if the claim is successful.

unfortunately you’re not the only adult in the house now
Your eldest is 18. Therefore needs to get a job an and start paying their own way

i do agree that your ex shouldn’t just decide to stop however and he needs to pay towards your 16 year old- fingers crossed your cms claim will sort that out and be due from the date of your claim

i also personally don’t understand how any parent can just ditch their kids like this and not provide support - I see myself supporting my kids to some degree long into young adulthood

@millymollymoomoo

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I totally agree about my eldest, it just takes some time to get a job, especially when it’s her first job & no working references to back up her application. Fingers crossed she gets something soon.

I know, those are my thoughts too about supporting your kids into early adulthood. I’m not proud to say my parents have helped me out a couple of times as an adult, in my eyes you never stop being a parent & help out if you can.

Pretty sure if your youngest is still in education, then he needs to support. Go through CSM and garnish. Stop allowing him to control the situation.

@SD1978

Thanks for your reply, those are my thoughts too, he controlled everything for far too many years & money is the only thing he can still try & control. Hopefully CMS sort it out soon.