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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child Maintenance

13 replies

StressedToDeathhhh · 31/07/2023 08:52

I've been split with my dds father for 2 years now, he's always paid £120 a week for the two children which was a private arrangement but the amount was worked out on the CMS calculator at the time. He takes home around £4000 a month but I don't have access to the actual figures any more. He has just told me he will be reducing my child support to £180 a MONTH for both children and that I'm welcome to go to CMS as he has checked the figure with them.

He hasn't changed jobs but is self employed. In the past he talked about how he could reduce his child support bill to his older children's mother - he said he would discuss this with his accountant and possibly start a Ltd company. I told him this was disgusting and to just pay his way properly so it was dropped. I'm now worried he has done this to me and CMS will be unable to get the full amount from him. Does anyone have any experience of this or advice? Is there a way I can report it or have it looked into?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 09:29

Well if he’s on 4000 a month and has other children 180 a week doesn’t sound too far off what cms would actually be ….. what overnights does he have?

eg if he earns 85k per annum ( roughly equate to a 4K take home) and has one other child and 2 with you then you’d be due c 680 a month if he has them 1-2 nights a week. Obv this is illustration as don’t know what other children or if he has them overnight at all

my point is it’s probably not far off, and going self employed can make ie very hard to get anything at all ( not saying I agree this just that is the reality) so if you force it via cms you could see your amounts reduce even further

millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 09:30

Ah sorry I see 180 a month not a week !
can you get copies of company accounts? Probably have to wait a year for those…. You can get cms to investigate but will take the figures he declares I think

Original poster
StressedToDeathhhh · 31/07/2023 16:47

Sorry yeah 180 a month so equates to take home pay of more like 2000 which I know isn't true but I also know he has an accountant who did fraudulent tax returns for him every year so who knows what else he could do. I have absolutely no idea where to start with reporting/having it investigated. He lives in a house share with other men so has never had the kids overnight or ever asked to.

This has kicked off because I've said he can't take them abroad for a week - they've never stayed over night without me anywhere at all, he only sees them twice a month and the youngest is still breastfeeding so it's a no all round but he hasn't taken it well hence the child support suddenly becoming an issue. They're 2 and 4.

OP posts:
Kay286 · 31/07/2023 16:52

Once they go self employed and are able to hide income cleverly through their accountant then you’ve basically got no hope with cms - they’re useless and have no way of getting money out of them ! Speaking from experience.
Id try and talk to him and explain it’s a big drop and maybe try and and allow him to take them on a trip a shorter time if that’s the issue he’s trying to hurt you financially as you refused the trip ?
He’s clearly pissed off and so trying to retaliate

Original poster
StressedToDeathhhh · 31/07/2023 16:59

Thanks for your reply - the trip is a no go as the kids wouldn't cope at all and I wouldnt trust him. He's very unreasonable and weve had multiple issues over the years, money has never been one as he has plenty and low outgoings so this is pure spite. Not what I was hoping to hear but I appreciate the reply anyway.

OP posts:
Kay286 · 31/07/2023 17:15

It’s definitely tricky I don’t know why men turn into complete a-holes and try and punish the kids well-being by not paying their way to spite the mum ! I mean it’s ridiculous as if you can raise 2 kids on 180 per month !
I would say try and stay amicable and discuss in a nice way as possible and explain why they can’t go on the trip but maybe one day ? Maybe a weekend close by first. Be honest about the money and your kids will suffer such a big drop in prices income . Cms are beyond useless unfortunately .
I had so much relief the day I didn’t need his money anymore and told him to stick it ! Instead of constant battling.

Original poster
StressedToDeathhhh · 31/07/2023 17:33

Sadly the amicable ship has sailed, I won't beg him because he will use it constantly once he knows it works. I'm going back to work full time in September when my older daughter starts reception so it's only one set of childcare fees, so we will cope. Just hugely frustrating and makes me wonder what on earth was wrong with me to choose a man who had it in him to turn like this.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 31/07/2023 17:34

Go through CMS. If they come back with that figure then you can ask them, and HMRC if he’s tax fiddling, to do a variation and dig into his income.

yogasaurus · 31/07/2023 17:36

If he sets up a Ltd co, it’s very hard for CMS to obtain his true income. You can ask them to investigate but it can take years and still get nowhere.

Tinkerbyebye · 31/07/2023 17:42

I would open a case with cms and see where it goes

i would also mention that the only people who will be affected by the drop will be his children. He won’t care but you have told him. I would also ask him what plans he has in place to start having the children overnight if he wants to take them away, and how he intends to increase the time he has them during the month so they get used to him before been taken away

then see what he says

Original poster
StressedToDeathhhh · 31/07/2023 17:57

Thanks all, I opened the file with CMS so will see what they come back with. I told him he would be spoiling his kids summer completely - we can get by with the reduced money but it leaves nothing for days out etc. He knows I dont spend anything on myself. He doesn't care at all, in his view he's still getting a dig at me because it upsets me to see the kids missing out

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedToDeathhhh · 31/07/2023 18:02

He has no plans for them to stay overnight - he's a heavy drinker and lives in a house share. His mum might allow them to stay there but there isn't a suitable bed for them and she smokes in the house so that's not an option either. To be honest noone wants increased contact - not him, not me and not the kids. I don't think he even truly wants the holiday or would have gone through with it, he just can't stand anyone saying no to him. But I couldn't put my kids in that position so can't call his bluff.

OP posts:
Kay286 · 31/07/2023 19:44

Then do whatever you can to be in a position to not need his money … it’s all about control and it will be a weight lifted if you can get buy on whatever without needing it from him (of course accept what you can get ) but it’s very freeing not having him dangle it over you and use it as control

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