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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child maintenance

19 replies

Gertruuude · 30/07/2023 23:37

I know there are many feeds but I don't know if I am being horrible or just protective. STBX will pay regularly and initially we agreed on £200 a month and he will give me extra for holiday clubs or uniform. I got annoyed as have to ask for extra and get questions... like dentist visits (had to go private for extractions of baby teeth). He refused to participate in costs of our family dog because she lives with me. We've been living separate for 2 months now and my son never slept at his place, had maybe dinner there 3 times. It looks like the whole care, trips entertainment are on me so I asked for £50 more a month and then I won't bother him with extra requests. He still earns more than me and has no other responsibility just himself and his house.(I had to take mortgage out to pay him off to move out - he got 50% of current market value).
What are your thoughts? Was that reasonable request. According to online calculator with his earnings I should have got even more than that.
Don't want us to fight and affect our child but I won't let our child miss out because his dad is tight.

OP posts:
Catchasingmewithspiders · 30/07/2023 23:40

Go via CMS, take the emotion out of it and the personal conversations and the feeling like you are having to beg for money for your child.

Let the CMS handle it, and how much you should be paid and then you won't have to have these conversations and feel this frustration it will be sorted for you.

Don't let him make you feel bad for fighting for the right thing for your child.

Tatzelwyrm · 30/07/2023 23:42

How many dc?

he got 50% of current market value of current value or equity?

quietnightmare · 30/07/2023 23:45

Be careful op everyone is going to say go to cms straight away and it's just going to cause drama

Use the calculator to find out how much exactly and talk to him like the grown adult you are and tell him that's what he needs to pay you otherwise you will have no choice to go through cms. Give him a chance and if he doesn't pay what your child is owed then go through cms m, don't just use it as an empty threat

Starlightstarbright2 · 30/07/2023 23:49

The reason people say go to cms is to avoid having these conversations - he can still pay directly . It costs no more but his income is checked yearly so you don’t need to ask if they have a pay rise etc .

Original poster
Gertruuude · 31/07/2023 06:22

Tatzelwyrm · 30/07/2023 23:42

How many dc?

he got 50% of current market value of current value or equity?

One child. And 50% or he wouldn't move

OP posts:
Original poster
Gertruuude · 31/07/2023 06:24

Thank you everyone.
I felt so bad. Rocking the boat again but I have to do what's best for my child.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 07:28

Why is he not having his child overnight /weekends /during the week ?

Tatzelwyrm · 31/07/2023 08:02

Gertruuude · 31/07/2023 06:22

One child. And 50% or he wouldn't move

Show quote history

Value or equity?

millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 08:35

If joint tenants he would have been due 50% of equity based on the current market value if the house

Tatzelwyrm · 31/07/2023 08:44

millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 08:35

If joint tenants he would have been due 50% of equity based on the current market value if the house

which could have been peanuts or loads.....

How much does he earn?
How old is dc?
why has dc not stayed over?

Just go to CMS @Gertruuude

millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 09:32

@Tatzelwyrm doesn’t matter. He was due that whatever it was. And irrelevant to the child maintenance issue which is based solely on

income
number of children
overnights

Tatzelwyrm · 31/07/2023 09:36

millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 09:32

@Tatzelwyrm doesn’t matter. He was due that whatever it was. And irrelevant to the child maintenance issue which is based solely on

income
number of children
overnights

well if she paid him 50% of market value, then she was ripped off if there was still outstanding mortgage

millymollymoomoo · 31/07/2023 09:45

Well yes but that would be particularly stupid and unlikely

caringcarer · 31/07/2023 09:58

OP do you mean 50 percent of equity at market value?

I think you can find CMS calculator online. Sit with him and do it together. That is what your DC is entitled to remind him the money is not for you but to pay his share to bring up DC. If he has DC eg for 1 overnight every week then he would pay less. How much DC is entitled to depends on his earnings and how many overnights he has DC. You need to do this once every year. I know my niece asks her exh to bring his P60 so she can see everything he was paid in previous year because her exh gets different pay each month.

Original poster
Gertruuude · 31/07/2023 11:42

We didn't have mortgage we paid off the house but he didn't work for 2 years at some point so stitched me up but that is now irrelevant. DC is 10 and doesn't want to stay over. Gets bored with lack of attention and wants to come back home.
He gets over 2k net a month. I did calculator and send it to him to make him realise he is not hard done by me. Quite contrary.
I don't want to earn on my child but give him childhood he deserves with trips,experiences, attention and love. Won't get that from STBX.

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 31/07/2023 11:46

Let cms deal with it.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 31/07/2023 11:50

Use the CMS calculator- say this is what they say you owe. If he does not pay this much then say the CMS will take a cut if they get involved in collecting and paying but you're going to go through them to take the emotion out of it and let them sort it.

I personally think its right he doesn't pay for your dog if you get custody of the dog.

Original poster
Gertruuude · 31/07/2023 19:44

greenteaandmarshmallows · 31/07/2023 11:50

Use the CMS calculator- say this is what they say you owe. If he does not pay this much then say the CMS will take a cut if they get involved in collecting and paying but you're going to go through them to take the emotion out of it and let them sort it.

I personally think its right he doesn't pay for your dog if you get custody of the dog.

I don't mind that much. Dog was ours and he used to spend more time with the dog than I did but it is expense and inconvenience for him to have her with him all the time. I offered him he can take dog to keep him company as for me as much as I love her its a lot to deal with
He refused. I will care for her and do anything but it's amazing how quickly some men let go of any responsibility.
The way he reacted and lack of any fight for any of us shows me how much we meant to him. Pure inconvenience to hus easy life.

Shame but never mind.

OP posts:
Anita848 · 05/08/2023 17:23

I think you should definitely make sure you and your child are properly and fairly taken care of and use CMS. See if you can get some help from this - https://iamlip.com/the-process-of-child-maintenance/
Don't feel guilty in any way - you and your child deserve to be properly taken care of.

The Process of Child Maintenance

The Process of Child Maintenance - I AM L.I.P

Before you read this webpage we would like to explain some words that we have used in this write up.

https://iamlip.com/the-process-of-child-maintenance

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