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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex won't talk

16 replies

Potnoodles75 · 30/07/2023 19:47

Separated 3 years ago, I walked out with nothing but my immediate possessions and a car I paid for. He took my bank card from my purse before I left and he's not contributed to our daughter at all. Ok I should have asked for money but throughout our marriage it's been a bone of contention.

I finally plucked up the courage last month to file for divorce last month and paid the £600. He countersigned the following day. My problem is joint finances. We had considerable savings and money in a joint account which was never closed and he's continued to pay into. He will not talk to me. I've written, asked wgen I've dropped daughter off at his and he just will not talk.

I cant afford solicitors/mediation and just don't know what else I can do. I've scrimped and saved over the last few years and now trying to move so need the money to support mortgage application.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Twiglett2 · 30/07/2023 21:51

@Potnoodles75

I've no advice as I'm in the same position. I'm trying to decide if to put the divorce in online in the hope it will make him start cooperating. Do you know if their is a time limit for completing the process?

Did you have any shared property or just the savings? If the savings are in a joint account could you contact the bank and withdraw your share?

DustyLee123 · 30/07/2023 21:53

Why can’t you get at the money, because he took your card ? Report it missing and get another

Original poster
Potnoodles75 · 30/07/2023 22:23

I can access the bank account if I wanted to. It just doesn't feel right and I'm sure there's rules about taking out money after a separation without consent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Potnoodles75 · 30/07/2023 22:27

I did the online divorce, all very easy. I just had to wait a couple if weeks to get a copy marriage certificate.
Not sure what you mean about time limit.
There's 2 properties but before we split we agreed on those so it's all about possessions and money (he's got a considerable pension but leaving him with it)

OP posts:
Twiglett2 · 30/07/2023 22:34

@Potnoodles75

I wasn't sure if the divorce has to be completed within a certain time period, think my ex will drag things out.

Could you see a solicitor to find out if you can still get your share after being separated 2 years?

Fourmagpies · 31/07/2023 00:00

If you aren't formally divorced yet, you can still get what is rightly yours. Have a look at the guides pinned at the top of the page and also there is another website someone regularly posts about for litigants in person - where you do it yourself without a solicitor. Ask the court to decide if he won't engage in the process. It's £275. He'll need to have a good reason to not go to mediation and he'll have to declare any money to the judge.

If it's a joint account, there is no reason why you can't draw some money out. It's half yours.

GrumpyPanda · 31/07/2023 00:38

If he stole or forcibly took away your bank card for your own account he's a pretty horrible individual so not sure why you're so keen on being the bigger person, not touch his pension, etc. Sounds to me like you'll need all the leverage you can get. It also sounds like there's actually plenty of assets in order to fund a solicitor, and you'll presumably need one to deal with the slimebag.

DustyLee123 · 31/07/2023 06:53

Potnoodles75 · 30/07/2023 22:23

I can access the bank account if I wanted to. It just doesn't feel right and I'm sure there's rules about taking out money after a separation without consent.

It’s a joint account and you are still married, you could take it all if you wanted. But I suggest you just take half.

Original poster
Potnoodles75 · 31/07/2023 08:34

If he drags it out or doesn't sign (doesn't respond) I think it works in your favour)

OP posts:
Shurleyknot · 31/07/2023 08:37

As a woman whose ex cleared out the joint bank account while we were separating I advise you to transfer at least your half of the pot to your own account. My ex took everything out and left me with nothing and the courts did not care.

Chowtime · 31/07/2023 12:07

You've got 2 choices. You can either appoint a solicitor and spend years and thousands sending letters back and forth or you can represent yourself and go straight to court for an FDR. The judge will be fair. Your ex won't.

Dogsitterwoes · 31/07/2023 12:31

The joint account money belongs to both of you equally - either one of you can perfectly legally take the whole lot.

Go to the bank and take half of it, before he takes it all, as it sounds like something he'll do now divorce is happening.

Why are you not pursuing your daughter's maintenance from him? It's for her benefit.

Original poster
Potnoodles75 · 31/07/2023 16:47

Well I got a reply to my email asking to discuss all of above, here's what I'm dealing with.

'Another episode of the satirical show...
Fine, we can meet and you can simultaneously continue to crush my soul while talking at me.
Another episode of the sa

tirical Tina show...

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/07/2023 16:49

Potnoodles75 · 30/07/2023 22:23

I can access the bank account if I wanted to. It just doesn't feel right and I'm sure there's rules about taking out money after a separation without consent.

No there aren't. As long as you can document what ots been spent on. However, if you buy a house he could have a claim on it if you're still married
Get divorced, sort out the financials and thrn buy a house.

Original poster
Potnoodles75 · 31/07/2023 17:56

RedHelenB · 31/07/2023 16:49

No there aren't. As long as you can document what ots been spent on. However, if you buy a house he could have a claim on it if you're still married
Get divorced, sort out the financials and thrn buy a house.

Show quote history

Ah ok, there will lie the problem. It's money that will go towards buying a house.

OP posts:
Thegrumpycup · 31/07/2023 18:03

Potnoodles75 · 30/07/2023 22:23

I can access the bank account if I wanted to. It just doesn't feel right and I'm sure there's rules about taking out money after a separation without consent.

Yes but I imagine that he will suddenly want to speak to you when you withdraw it. He's not playing fair. Time for you to do the same!

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