Financial infidelity

[Mummy2223]

Hello,
Just wondering what anyone else would do in the same situation.

I have found out my husband has loads of debt,this includes credit cards and loans and we are talking quite a significant amount. This has come after another episode not so long ago in which I have had to consolidate the credit cards he had again spending and putting on them without my knowledge. This was about 15,000. I know pay half each month to this debt even though I was unaware of the true spending on it. After this I said no more debt at all and cards must be cut up. This is as we still have that debt it's just in my name now as it had to be put in one.

I am so upset about the lies, the fact I have balied him out once and still paying for this. We have two children and now there is more. I have left and gone to my mums saying I can't work through this but he thinks I am over reacting and throwing away the family, and not helping like I should.

I would do the same as you, OP.

Good luck.

I have been there with the debt once. I think you’re doing the right thing. I would do the same as you if we ended up back on that position.

So to summarise, you put 15,000 of his debt into your name, and have been paying half of this off yourself despite it not being your debt. You were clear (and quite rightly) that if it happened again that would be the end of your marriage. It happened again. So you've left. And according to him you are over-reacting and should be bailing him out again?

It seems pretty clear now that this is going to keep happening and will seriously impact on your children if you don't take action now to protect them.

He has now stated since finding this out he has a gambling issue and is seeking help I just can't help but think that yes he probably does but seeking help is only as he has been found out. The lies and decit. I have clearly asked 3 times about debt. We have two children who I feel I need to leave for and protect their future. Otherwise we are going to end up in a life I do not want for them. I feel harsh and he thinks I am wrong for straight away saying I will leave I think it's more been independent and protecting the children

Thank you all. You have backed up how I feel. It can be hard to be sure of how you feel in a situation and have that to deal with on its own without then been made to feel you are in the wrong. That is how it usually goes the relationship has very much been his terms.

I did clearly say and have since asked him about debt as I knew. I found the papers this week and there is now credit cards and loans. I feel I did what I should the first time round as a wife and partnership.

This would be a deal breaker for me. You're already bailing him out to the tune of £15k and he does it again!
Has the newest lot of debt been taking out in his sole name?
Do you have a mortgage together?

I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation!
I was where you were some years ago - discovering a huge debt that my (now ex)H kept secret from me. It was to the tune of my gross annual salary! It took me years to pay off the debts, recover my credit ratings, etc - but I am now ok.
My advice is to start divorce proceedings as soon as possible - protect yourself and your children financially as well as emotionally.

Thank you.

Yes in his sole name and yes we have a mortgage. I have sought advice and they can only take it from his half. Its hard working what is best for the children I feel I don't win in either but I cam at least offer stability in leaving and protect them financially. It's nice to know that I am doing the right thing that most would do.