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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can he take my daughter if I tell him I want to leave him

14 replies

Beachlovingirl · 29/07/2023 07:55

I’m thinking of separating from my husband but he is a very angry malicious person and he has told me if I ever leave him he will take DD and make it really hard for me to get her back.

is this a real threat he is allowed to legally carry out? Is there anything I can do to prevent this as to be honest I could not cope if he takes her.

any advice appreciated - we are in Scotland.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/07/2023 07:56

First thing is to hide her passport if she has one.

larlypops · 29/07/2023 07:58

Mine threatened that when we split plus saying I’d have no money and a whole host of other threats and I was so low I believed him, he never did though, he only sees them every other weekend.
I’ve always worked so just adjusted hours and 4 years down the line I’m happiest and settled I’ve been in years.

Original poster
Beachlovingirl · 29/07/2023 08:23

@DustyLee123 i can hide her passport.

@larlypops but can he even just take her how can I get her back. He would absolutely pack her stuff and take her I have no doubt about this. She would be distraught as would I

OP posts:
LIZS · 29/07/2023 08:27

How old is dd? Are you the main carer? He could take her if he has pr but you could contest it.

RandomMess · 29/07/2023 08:42

Speak to rights of women.

ThePM · 29/07/2023 08:53

Are you both British?
what age is your daughter?
can you support yourself without him?

millymollymoomoo · 29/07/2023 08:56

He has as many ‘rights’ to his child as you do

LemonTT · 29/07/2023 08:58

Either parent has the legal ability to leave the other and take the child with them. The police cannot interfere unless there is a court order.

What would happen after that is that the other parent could file orders with a court for the child to be returned. These are likely to succeed if the other parent is the primary carer and if the child has been removed from school and taken away from their roots. These can be filed as emergency orders until final arrangements are agreed.

Taking a child away from their home, familiar surroundings and primary carer without justification would be seen negatively in court applications. It’s not a good move and is quickly rectified by an emergency order. The lifelong acrimony and mister it creates isn’t worth it.

His threats and anger come from a place of weakness. He is trying to intimidate you into staying. Because he is too weak to be on his own.

Original poster
Beachlovingirl · 29/07/2023 09:40

DD is 6 and yes I am the primary carer though H does help out when he’s in a good mood.

we are both British.

the house is in my name and I am on the mortgage and pay for it myself. H does pay some house related bills which I can afford to take on myself but I know H is entitled to half of the equity so I’d need to sort that somehow. Can he make me sell the house to give him his share does anyone know?

@millymollymoomoo yes and I welcome H having shared custody as I think dads are extremely important in a child’s life I just don’t want him to use her when we separate.

@LemonTT thanks for your informative post. Ok so I would need to apply for the emergency court order to get her back. Yes he would take her to his mothers who is 40 miles away so different school etc.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/07/2023 10:14

Him removing her from her primary carer and school would not go down well.

Prohibitive steps order so that she can't be removed from the school whilst court arranged contact is agreed and you get a lives with order?

Is the child benefit in your name, are you registers as main contact at doctors/dentist/school - all things that help embed you are currently her primary carer and she should remain 50% shared care with you.

Original poster
Beachlovingirl · 29/07/2023 10:20

@RandomMess thank you I will research the prohibitive steps order. Yes I am down as the main contact for everything and when we claimed child benefit it was me who was the only one on that. (I don’t claim it any more due to my salary being above 50k)

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 29/07/2023 10:45

Hey, yes this can happen as crazy as it sounds.

My situation is complicated but the upshot is my wife strung me along after separation for a few weeks with the children then dealt me one final blow and took all our money, took over the house and has since refused all child contact. I cannot go near the house or contact as been threatened legally and I have not spoken to or seen the children in three months, won't even allow a phone call.

Police have no power, solicitor cannot get through, we are dealing with a wall and now I have to wait for court proceedings which may take months more.

It's cruel and makes zero sense but it can happen, I'm afraid. It's not right.

Soontobe60 · 29/07/2023 10:49

My ex used to say he would take our dd abroad if I left him. In reality, we split up and from the very beginning had 50/50 shared care. She was 6.

RandomMess · 29/07/2023 10:51

Please reclaim child benefit so he can't. Just do a tax return.

Yes I too know some people (actually women) who have down awful things of taking their DC and make false claims 🤬 refused to allow FaceTime after offering it, back peddling on supervised contact and so on.

Have to say I know far more men who turn up once or twice a month Disney Dad, still carry on trying to control their ex and so on.

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