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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Trapped

3 replies

Hetty104 · 28/07/2023 20:05

I feel trapped in a marriage I don’t want to be in but can’t see a way out.
I am 53, married for the second time. We live in the family home which I was fortunate to buy from my ex husband.
It was mutual decision between my now husband to stay in the family home and extend as apposed to move in together somewhere new, as the house is in a nice location, close to children's schools, train station for college etc
In hindsight it wasn’t a great idea as I now feel trapped in a large house which I could not afford if my husband and I split. The problem being I have 2 teenagers and an elderly parent living with us so if we did separate/ divorce I would still need to buy a 4 bedroom house. After splitting the money ( as my husband put in around 100k to expand/modernise the house ) I have also put in around the same amount however its just not enough for me to sell and then buy a 4 bedroom house ( I would need to buy a house with a downstairs bedroom/bathroom for my elderly parent )
I would need to move out of the area into a cheaper area with no access links to teenagers college.
if it was just me and the teenagers I think I could afford to move and I'm quite sure we would separate/divorce but I just don't see a way out.

My husband has told me he is unhappy in the relationship as I'm often distant, which is true.
I get the feeling he doesn’t want to pull the plug on fearing he will lose his 100k which I have assured him he won’t.

I just don't know how long I can go on living a lie to out friends and family.
I'm fortunate he works away in the week so I only have to live like this at the weekends. I realise this is not healthy for either of us as we just bicker all the time.

unfortunately putting my mum into a care home is not an option.

shall I stick it out until my mum passes away and at least one of my children has left home.

I haven’t discussed this with anyone as feel they all think I have the perfect life.

OP posts:
PeanutBellyJam · 29/07/2023 17:29

Hey @Hetty104 I don't have any amazing words of wisdom but I didn't want to read and not reply. I can completely connect with the feelings of being trapped and not knowing what the right decision is - you sound like you are putting a lot of the decision to stick it out on your providing your elderly parent and teens stability... just don't forget to think about you in this situation too and how long you can cope sticking it out x

Hetty104 · 29/07/2023 19:53

Thank you. X

OP posts:
Twazique · 31/07/2023 11:58

Could you get a mortgage to pay your husband the 100K?

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