Whatever is going on in his mind or in the relationship his behaviour is mean. I have done international moves for my "D"H and the sacrifice is hard to imagine if you've not gone through it. Fine when the marriage lasts but rather different when it doesn't, or there are major problems.
You're reeling right now which is entirely normal and expected. But please put your allow yourself time with rational cap on too. There needs to be a behavioural line in the sand past which you're not willing to accept. I'm not sure where it is for you, but as an outsider, this behaviour isn't something you should accept. Incidentally, the attack on you puts you on the back foot, going over your memory, defending yourself and questioning yourself. Stop. Easier said than done, but all the time you're doing those things, you're actually centering his version of everything! This translates into him being in control.
How about using the now rather famous, but useful, "recollections may vary"? Then switch to focus on how you want to be treated and what you want out of the situation, based on the current reality, not how you wish he treated you or how he treated you 25 years ago.
If he hasn't been to a lawyer he likely will. The only reason he won't, when he treats you with such contempt, is because you make home easy for him re running the house and anything related to the adult child at home/illness etc (not sure the details, but I'm guessing you've been the one primarily involved).
You can gain some control back here by going to a lawyer yourself. See what the options for you are and make some decisions. I'm not saying you should divorce - or that you shouldn't - but right now he is controlling everything and you're in shock and upset. You're waiting to see what he does next whilst hoping it will all work out well. It may do. But knowing exactly where you stand through speaking to someone entirely dispassionate can really help clarify things. Luckily you're not financially reliant on him, which is a major plus here!
Maybe there's another way to rebalance things here. I'd certainly not be cooking for him or anything else related to cushioning his living, whether it's doing his laundry or organising the person who does, if you have that level of help at home. Stop facilitating his life when he so clearly doesn't think it counts for anything.
And big, unmumsnetty hugs because this is awful to be going through.
PS I'm assuming that you're living back in the U.K. right now.