C100 to get me to change my holiday plabs

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Hello

There’s an existing court order for me to have the children for the second 3 weeks of the summer holidays. Accordingly, I have a fortnight’s holiday booked in weeks 4 and 5. Ex’s mum is coming to the UK at this time. He never follows the CAO. He should have the kids now but he hasn’t made any plans. He’s applied for an urgent C100 to to go to court or to force mediation to force me to change my plans for holiday and to request more time with the kids. He can’t really look after them - doesn’t drive, he uses my mum and dad to do everything. I’ve now no relationship with my own parents because of him. Kids feel frustrated they can’t just see grandma without him being there. They’d like that separate. They haven’t spent much time with ex so it needs to be done slowly and patiently. No one is listening to the kids or cares how they feel.
I had cancer treatment last year so I’ve had my holiday booked for almost 2 years carefully choosing dates allowed in the CAO. we had to postpone to this year and it’s been a target for me to recover from major surgery and go this year. I’m gutted at the thought of not having a holiday. My kids don’t want to see my ex MIL. Do you think he’ll get an urgent hearing and the court will force me to change my plans? Do you think judge might ask for section 7 and have kids input?

I'm sorry he is putting you through this. I wonder if the children are old enough to say they don't want to go?

Yes they are - 13, 11 and 8. I know younger kids that don’t have anything to do with their dads and their grandparents and extended family support that. I’ve been advised follow the kids lead or do section 7 is it? But my relatives with their rent free living arrangement in the ex’s house and regular expensive gifts don’t care what that f family support worker or solicitor say he’s their dad he should see them. So when he botherd in the past to come to the uk they force him to see them by having him there when they see the kids. Which is cruel because ex thinks they are bothered about him which isn’t really the case. I’m just so upset. My own partner of 6 years who looked after kids and I when I was in hospital - why is he looking after them, he’s not their dad! Why are they looking after my ex - he’s not their son! They didn’t even bloody like him when I was married. The hypocracy and the abuse of not being able to sort out my own child arrangements. He’s barely ever taken the children when he should as per the CAO and I’ve never done a c100 on him. He just thinks his mum has more money more important than me and my holiday so should drop everything in my life to let them see the kids: No end to this nightmare - honestly this cancer can just come back and take me. I’ve had enough. All I wanted was boundaries, my own little family, neutral supportive extended family and my children experiencing their Dad’s culture with him and his family separate. They can do clean financial break with me straight away but won’t leave me alone. :(

I can't say for sure, but courts are hugely backed up. Him not liking your holiday in your court ordered time isn't going to be a priority. I've seen posts of emergency orders taking weeks before hearings. Plus a section 7 etc takes a long time at the moment. At most you'd have a single hearing about whether you could take the kids on holiday.

I would doubt this would be seen as an emergency, if it is I can imagine the judge being rather bemused at him demanding more time when he hasn't used the time he actually is supposed to have in court order. Plus the kids don't want to see him.

Is your holiday abroad? If so, as long as your court order allows abroad holidays without other parents consent I'd imagine you'll likely be ok.

If you've booked the holiday a while ago (and can prove that) then I expect he will struggle to find a sympathetic judge.

Is it UK based or in this country?

It’s a holiday in this country.

If it's in this country, during your court ordered time, he has little chance of stopping you. I doubt the hearing would happen in time - even emergency hearings where one parent is withholding a child are taking weeks atm. Good idea to consult a lawyer so you're prepared in case though.

Only other thing he could do is take the kids before the holiday and refuse to return them to you. Unlikely though, he doesn't seem to want to look after them, he'll struggle to force a teenager to stay if they don't want to, they can unlock a door a leave - and thats if he can get the kids to go to him in the first place!

Might be time for your children to decide if they want to see your parents or not? A bit of distance there would be good.

I might consider leaving a day early and staying overnight in a hotel just in case you think he might be difficult.

They won't change the dates to suit his dm! Your time is your time. Exh was repeatedly told not to make plans for our dc in my time. The judge never backed up his batshit reasons.. Ever. From games of football to seeing his dps. Dm's time is dm's time. After all didn't he agree to that originally? He had an issues then was the time to say... Not because his dm said so. Enjoy your holiday op.

I do feel like it’s a threat. I told ex about my mum and dad being abusive and that I had no relationship with them back in feb March and asked him to get the ball rollling with mediation. I’m not initiating it though- I’m looking after 3 kids, working part time and recovering from having parts my guts removed and rearranged!
His mum has booked her holiday in my time. I booked my holiday nearly 2 years ago. That’s not my fault! I’ve messaged ex to say he’s got his dates wrong and instead of waiting on the courts they could come before august 12th - you’d think. I’ve not heard back. Seeing my solicitor tomorrow afternoon. She didn’t move my appointment forward so I’m hoping that she’s not worried about this too.

Does he not think courts have enough to deal with than pandering to him? I suspect not. My exh used to drag me back for the most ridiculous reasons. He once wrote directly to a judge - bypassing solicitors - to suggest my latest 'crime' called for and I quote :
"Nothing less than a custodial sentence"
My crime? Due to an obvious court clerk error that said Mrs instead of Mr I had continued to claim the cb for youngest dc. The order was supposed to say Mr was to cease claiming (counter) for the dc... As he kept counter claiming despite the order giving me 1 of 3 cb payments.. He had 2 but 2 wasn't enough. I bet your ex also thinks the judge is his personal bestie..

Ex is from a corrupt country where money is power. I can’t believe it’s an urgent referral - there’s no safeguarding concerns. Just expect their status to help them I think. I hope it’s not the start of loads of pettiness. Sounds so stressful what you went through x

Never in a million years will a court think that you should forget your booked holiday to suit his mum. I doubt there will be sufficient court time before you go anyway.

Thanks my solicitor said not to worry about that too. Going to push for child focused mediation. See what the children want and try to get them to build a relationship with their dad slowly and keep all grandparents from muddying the waters.

So I am clear to go on holidays because his legal team have realised that my holidays fall within the time that is for me on the court order. Ex has spent the first few weeks of the holidays he should have had with the kids waiting for a legal response which he hasn’t got and has missed the most of his time with the children and according to this is “upset”. His solicitor sent an email to mine on Friday - o only read this on Monday yesterday to say have the children ready to be collected at 10am today (Tuesday) until the day before our holiday. That day is Friday 11th but the solicitor put Sunday 11th. There’s a fear in me that we’ll miss the start of the holiday because of him. We responded saying it was too short notice for today but Wednesday until Friday and I don’t know which children will go as I’ve not had a conversation with the children about this.

it’s spending time at the house where my parents still live. This will involved the children seeing my parents and family again for first time in 6 months. They have been really abusive to me and I’ve not spoken to them since early jan. They told my brother not to speak to me. I wanted to still meet them so my nieces and nephews could play with my children out and about but they hung up and would avoid me when we’d meet outside a karate class out children used to take together. My niece doesn’t train anymore so I don’t see them there. I’m just worried on the emotional impact of suddenly going back to see everyone. The fact that I’ll be badmouthed in front of the kids though ex is going to do his best to stop that. (I have no faith). I just think the kids will be so dysregulated afterwards. I feel like my feelings and the children’s count for nothing. My ex is wealthy and has money to afford to keep my mum and dad in his house, pay them a wage for looking after the place, - my background is growing up in a council house. It’s him using power money over me and the children to see the kids and ignore their and my feelings.

I will do the obligatory encouragement so they can see their dad. If they want to go fair enough. If not I won’t be dragging anyone out of the house or allowing that.

It's very unlikely he will be granted an urgent hearing based on you wanting to go on holiday during your court ordered time with the children. You aren't breaching the order or doing anything wrong.

With an application that is not urgent, you're talking 6 weeks before you even get a first court date.

Also from my experience with the court, he won't get granted more time if he's not having the time that is already ordered

I hope all goes well - I would assume he’s going to let them come back on 11th as he has taken legal advice. You could inform them now that the 11th is Friday and not Sunday.

Thank you. Yes I will stress that they need to be back on Friday. My solicitor said it would be stupid for him not to return them when there’s a court application going through. It still doesn’t stop you wondering what if.

It was also stupid for him not to use any of his time with the kids but didn't stop him doing that! I would probably have gone for too late notice but as gesture of goodwill offer him a week after you're back from holiday if you don't have plans? Guess depends how many of the kids if any want to go. Are they old enough to walk out the house under their own steam into your car if you go there if he doesn't return?

Yes I guess they would probably be able to leave if they wanted. I’m just so frustrated that I don’t feel listened to and the kids feelings are being ignored. I don’t feel comfortable with them going to stay there but I can’t not allow him anytime to see him in the time that is on the existing CAO. They have said they will go but none of them want to stay overnight. I think it’s a bit too much too soon. I’ve got a duty to actively encourage them to see dad, which I’ll do.
He’s asked for a couple of days the week that I’m back. He’s accused me of booking my holidays in his time, initiated a disingenuous court application saying I refuse him contact but it’s weekends when we can agree and I didn’t agree and I wasn’t comfortable letting him in my house and the kids didn’t want to go so one occasion I couldn’t accommodate him, he expects me to follow a CAO to the letter well he can’t see the kids when we’re back as it’s my time. I’m not going to allow that as I’m following the CAO to the letter as I expect him to do.

Please tell your dc how to make a reverse call from a phone box incase he takes their phones away and they want to come home. Stash emergency bus fare in their belongings. He sounds deranged.. My exh did all sorts of nasty shit including selling their clothes if I had paid for them and dropping them with me in pj's.. He once denied ds medication so he could arrive at A&E looking like the hero. The Dr was visibly raged.. Sadly your dc need some info given to keep them safe. Maybe a key word they could use during a phone call if he is in earshot and they want collecting?