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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Do you ever engage with an abusive ex?

6 replies

BlastedPimples · 17/07/2023 10:46

I have four dcs. 18, 16, 13 and 10. Separated and getting divorced. They're all ticking along ok now he's out of the family home. Lots of psychological assistance for them along the way since he left.

None of them want to see their father because of his violence (mostly towards me) and verbal abuse - towards all of them. He's a scary man who minimises what he's done to us all. He's being prosecuted for the assault on me and we have recordings of his abuse of me and the dcs.

We had agreed to communicate only through solicitors but he keeps emailing me asking to the the dcs. He has their telephone numbers but they've all blocked him. I forward the emails to my solicitor but this incurs yet more expense for me.

Am I ok to just ignore all his emails and not forward them to my solicitor or will I look uncooperative and actively blocking any progress with the dcs in court? And will it make me look bad in the eyes of any judge? He's not applying for custody (yet) and I would seek supervised access here for the younger dcs should they decide they want to see him.

We live in a different country to stbxh and he's U.K. based.

It's tricky to know what is best approach here. I'm not made of money and would rather spend it on securing our futures than on solicitor's fees.

OP posts:
Reugny · 17/07/2023 11:23

Are you in any part of the UK? It isn't clear where you are and what UK country he is in.

The UK has different legal jurisdictions and it is important to know what UK based countries you are both in if at all.

Reugny · 17/07/2023 11:25

Should add this only really concerns your younger two children unless either/both the 16 and 18 year old have disabilities that involve learning issues.

BlastedPimples · 17/07/2023 11:26

We are in EU. Away from U.K.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 17/07/2023 11:27

He is in London.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 17/07/2023 11:28

And yes, I know the younger two children are the ones I need to consider. They are adamant they do not want to see him. Blocked him on their phones etc.

I'm not going to facilitate him seeing them when he's been abusive to them.

OP posts:
Reugny · 17/07/2023 12:41

As you aren't in the UK then he would have difficulty forcing you to comply with any contact order unless you all came to the UK for any reason and he knows about it when you are here.

Also once the children are 14 then he can't go to Court for contact. He would need to contact them directly individually.

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