Strange seeing ex husband on OLD

[onlylovecanhurtlikethis]

Divorce came through a few weeks ago - he walked out after nearly 20 years together coming up for a year ago leaving me with 3 small children - under the age of 6.

Kids actually went to bed at a humane time last night so I thought I'd dip my toe into OLD. And saw ex husband on there....Have to say it was a weird feeling - obviously i swiped left 😀 but it's sort of playing on my mind how little I feel...that's a good thing I know but I can't put my finger on why I feel unsettled that I felt nothing? No jealousy or sadness - I mean he's good looking when he doesn't have a bushy beard but that seems to be the trend these days - but he's no catch financially or emotionally. I don't even feel resentful - the fact he can date whilst I can't really - he doesn't have or want the kids overnight and sees them for an hour or so here or there. I feel quite numb really. It's been a long year parenting young children on my own and sorting the divorce out. Last time I was single it's not like you'd ever really know your ex was dating but now with OLD it's a lot more obvious they are actively looking for someone else?

How did anyone else feel seeing their ex husband from a long marriage/relationship OLD?

My exH relished telling me how he would replace me with a younger model in no time while I was at home with the kids. He even gave me a timeline of 6-12 months before he'd have a new partner. That comment made me decide to dip my toes into OLD and one of the first profiles that came up were exH's. I had a good laugh and obviously swiped left. Like yours, mine is reasonably attractive and outwardly may seem a good catch. Trust me, he's not. He's had 2 short relationships since we broke up (less than a few months each). I guess they very quickly figured out that he's a self centered twat. 😅 I on the other hand am just coming up to our one year anniversary with a very sweet, loving, emotionally intelligent and extremely attractive man. All thanks to exH who spurred me on to get back to dating with his stupid comments. I hope it's karma.
Enjoy the dating. 😁

If you hadnt known them previously, would you have picked them from their profiles ?

How will you manage to date if he doesn't have the kids more than an hour? Do you have lots of family support?

I guess from the photo alone I probably would have done because he's "my type" - part of his mid life crisis is going to the gym every day though so I'm tending to swipe left on anyone posting gym shots these days 🤣

I think I'm at the moment I'm just intrigued / curious about OLD....hence taking a look after a lonely gin last night. Realistically I have 2x 2 year olds and an older child and no family support within 150 miles so actual dating is impossible. Although I'd almost love to see his face if I asked him to have the kids for a few hours so I could meet someone 😂

Being in a relationship doesn't define me. And I don't need a relationship the same way I needed one 20 years ago when I wanted marriage and children and stability. I have the children and stability I can provide all on my own. So I'm not on any rush. I suppose I wanted to see what all the fuss was about!

My ex is doing OLD (although he would deny it if I asked him!). He moved out last summer and we're amicably co-parenting etc, but we both said when we separated (due to him cheating, being on Tinder, and using escorts) that neither of us were remotely interested in meeting anyone else and planned to be single for a long time, so this obviously feels like a shift. I'm not quite ready to actively look for something, but if somebody came along (in real life) who I felt a spark with, I wouldn't say no. I just don't want to go down the OLD route because I'm not sure the quality is there!! As evidenced by my ex, and the fact he looks a pretty decent catch on there, but I know he's a selfish, sleazy, unfaithful, pathetic specimen and should be given a wide berth. I feel sorry for whoever he gets into a relationship with. It does feel weird though, seeing someone you had built your future with, on OLD looking for a you-substitute. I did get pangs of "why wasn't I enough?" and "you had all this, but shat all over it". I think he's probably just looking for sex rather than a relationship, but still. Also, if I didn't know him already, I wouldn't have been interested in him, based on his pics. That feels reassuring! Obviously I chose to end things and was pretty sure I'd made the right decision in not forgiving him, but it feels better now to see him in this new light and realise that I don't actually find him attractive anymore and I haven't lost anything brilliant in losing him. Still unsure whether I should tell him I know he's actively looking for a relationship, or just leave him to it.