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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Do you still see/keep in contact with in laws after your divorce?

58 replies

Seashell8 · 12/07/2023 07:49

Obviously everyone's situation is different. I am only at the very start of my divorce journey.
And I don't know if my husbands family would even want to keep in contact with me etc. But I have known them for 20 years and I am closer to them than my own family
I only have my parents , but on my husbands side I have my inlaws, SIL & BIL, a lovely little niece and I also know all of the extended family, cousins, aunts uncles etc. They are a large family.
I really would be devastated if I couldn't see them anymore , especially my SIL.
Does anyone on here still see their exes family?
Part of the reason we are separating is because he doesn't want to socialise and isn't interested in seeing his family so I see them without him

OP posts:

Shodan · 12/07/2023 22:22

I do.

I had dinner with them recently, with ds2, and we often stop for gossips if I drive ds2 over there or whatever. I usually meet up with them at ds2's birthday dinner, although that might not happen now that XH is in a (hopefully) serious relationship.

Everyone is quite civil and amicable tbh.

Housefullofcatsandkids · 12/07/2023 22:28

I do, mainly for special events and family get togethers... they still visit at Christmas for the gift exchange and even buy gifts for my new partner.

Seriously79 · 12/07/2023 22:35

Yes, my ex husbands step mum came to my wedding with my 2nd husband.

marriednotdead · 12/07/2023 22:39

I still keep/kept contact with my MILs (plural). First has sadly since passed away but was thrilled to come with me to one of DD's graduation ceremonies. Also keep in touch with other family members and am really good friends with ex's cousin.

DS's grandmother is lovely and we get on great, when she remarried a few years ago to a much nicer man I made her wedding cake.

Last MIL calls me regularly and I have always called her mum. Exh wasn't too keen at first cos he's an arse but as she says, she's 80+ and nobody tells her who she can and can't talk to! Also have a good relationship with my stepDD.

I'm not a bad in law, just have had some dubious relationships!

alwaysmovingforwards · 12/07/2023 22:39

barbarahunter · 12/07/2023 08:11

No, I didn't. It was yet another happy bonus to my divorce.

Agreed.
Nice enough folks, but I increasingly saw spending time with them more of a chore than a pleasure.

SmokeWithoutFire · 12/07/2023 22:46

I'm with the poster who was celebrating! I am sooo pleased not to be the second place DiL anymore.

I am sad for the kids though - my son's birthday request this year was for a family BBQ, and exMiL refused to come (XH and I are still house sharing till I move out, so it was a joint effort).

I am a bit disappointed that my SiL who as well as being annoying perfect, makes a living in the gender studies/ domestic violence/ feminism sphere, never once even got in contact to say 'sorry your H has been coercing you into sex for the last decade'. It's been complete silence. I guess that's family loyalties.

Enko · 12/07/2023 23:06

My dad kept contact with my mother's family after they divorced. At my maternal grandmother's funeral, he was included in the family only after dinner.

When my mother died he came to the funeral too and even though its 8 years since she passed he is invited to big events in that family along with my stepdad (who often drives them both there)

Dad is 82 now and not very well so hasn't been around that family much and out of the 7 siblings from my mothers side only 2 remain They both always ask me how he is though.

My stepdad is also well liked and a large part of that family.

My mother remained in contact with my fathers parents too however my maternal grandmother died in 81 and after this my paternal grandfather became a bit of a recluse . He was fond of my mother though and often asked about her. I think had grandmother lived longer my mother would have had a closer relationship.

for me if DH and I were to part I doubt I would keep in contact with his siblings. his parents are both dead but I would have 100% kept in contact with MIL who was a darling and I loved her dearly.

SamW98 · 12/07/2023 23:57

My divorce was amicable. We just grew apart with no real animosity. So my parents have had some communication with my ex. As far as they see it, he will always be their grandsons father and there’s no bad feeling

Recently my dad was in hospital the same time as my ex MIL and so my mum and ExH met for lunch. My mum spoke to me first to make sure I was ok with it.

I haven’t had any contact with his family however but we were always closer to my side than his anyway.

Buninthecorner · 13/07/2023 00:17

No PILs as they passed (one recently before the separation). Only SIL and BIL and their DD who I do miss dearly. I've not contacted them or had contact from them since separating. It's been 1.5 years. I have no idea if I'll ever see or speak to them again. Just adds to my sadness about everything.

For those who are in touch with ILs, how did you reconnect with them after separation or divorce?

Hermanfromguesswho · 13/07/2023 07:20

Yes I have. I’m in a very similar position to you OP in that I was with ex for 20 years and very close to in laws. I separated from ex 8 years ago now. It was a little awkward at first with in laws but soon settled into feeling normal. Now we see each other regularly.
Im meeting MIL for coffee this weekend (just me, kids are at ex’s for the weekend!) and am planning dinner with SIL and all the children soon. MIL has looked after the children on all the recent strike days so I could work. I love them like my own family and they see me as family still too 💕

MrsMontyD · 13/07/2023 07:55

My exMIL is essentially still my MIL, except I divorced her DS, we see her regularly, she pet sits and is still involved with DD and has met DP.

ExH siblings are social media friends now but we're still very friendly and I'd still be there if they needed me.

CornishGem1975 · 13/07/2023 08:01

No, as soon as we announced the divorce I never saw my PIL or SIL again. I actually lived with them for a long time but we were never close, they were a pain in the arse. I never missed them.

Newlydivorcedyay · 13/07/2023 08:06

Went last night with my young kids to a party at my ex's cousin's. My ex wasn't invited! (not because of me)

AmicableHonest · 13/07/2023 08:12

I'm in the process of splitting from my husband and unfortunately a couple of his relatives, who I was previously close with, have decided I'm an enemy now, even though everything is very amicable between my husband and I. They are painting me as a toxic evil person, even though there's no evidence to support their view. It's making me very sad as I'll likely lose touch with nephews and nieces I'm extremely fond of. I hope things will change in time but I'll struggle to forgive them.

Str3bor · 13/07/2023 10:05

I don’t see my in laws after being divorced and we were really close but I wanted the split and they hated me for it as they felt I was letting their son down. My ex still sees my parents but only because of the kids.

I think when you meet someone else it can become awkward but it can be done, depends on the reason for the divorce I suppose.

Summerlovin24 · 13/07/2023 12:56

I still see MIL and FIL but less than when I was married to their son. We never speak of him. It was not an amicable divorce. But I knew them for years and we always got on. Didn't want to lose touch

AngryAndUnapologetic · 13/07/2023 13:25

I see it as a huge bonus that I no longer have to have any contact at all with MIL (and FIL) but I'm happily still in touch with BIL and his wife and children. We live in different countries so don't see each other regularly but we are in sporadic contact over the phone and always visit them when in the UK.

I would be fine to see the rest of the extended family if circumstances made that likely, but I can't see it happening.

I hate my in-laws enough that on our most recent visit I had my sister do the handover when they took my children out for the day. But they were vile when we were together so very different from your situation, OP!

zgirldreamsoftulum · 13/07/2023 16:44

My ex's family have ghosted me. Unbelievable really given we were together 20 years, he left me for the affair partner, doesn't contribute to the costs of raising our children and he won't even discuss carving out of marital money I'd inherited from my granny and paid towards our house in good faith. I think they've decided I'm bad because I filed for divorce and when he kept refusing mediation and got a lawyer to send me nasty letters I made an application for court to look at financial arrangements. Or maybe they just hated me all along. It makes me really sad- feels like more betrayals on top of his betrayals. I've tried speaking to SIL but it's clear she's predisposed to not hearing or understanding anything I say. I've tried including her children in things my children are doing but she doesn't reciprocate. I just don't bother anymore. Another loss from divorce.

crowgift · 13/07/2023 16:48

No. It was a source of sadness for me as I really got on with them.

Mumof3confused · 16/07/2023 05:08

I have never heard a peep from any of them. I am sure my ex has painted me as the evil witch who’s at fault even though he’s the abusive one who had an affair. In their eyes he’s the golden child. The family is weird though, very dysfunctional. I’m
relieved to have been able to get away from my marriage and a bonus is not seeing them anymore but I do feel slightly hurt that nobody has even be in touch to say they’re sad it didn’t work out. I don’t have family in this country and have always put myself out massively to help and support all of the siblings as well as the mum either financially or with other things relating to my expertise which they took full advantage of. We had a standing order of funds going out to her every month to ensure she could live comfortably. Not the parents are paying his legal fees to take me to the cleaners despite him being in a stronger financial position.

Mumof3confused · 16/07/2023 05:15

@zgirldreamsoftulum same! Ex had sex addiction and had an affair (but you’d never believe it he’s a very good actor) and now doesn’t contribute towards the children and is trying to grab as much as he can financially while ex in-laws pays his legal fees. Unbelievable.

I had one SIL who I really liked but even she’s not been in touch aside from a brief response when I contacted her to let her know that we were separating, to say I’d miss her. What she probably doesn’t know is that her husband has been paying large sums of money to support my ex even though it’s clear he really doesn’t need handouts (I’ve seen his bank statements). I don’t believe she would be very happy if she knew!

AutieNOT0tie · 16/07/2023 06:14

My ex family were horrid when we divorced(I wasn't a fan anyway) I continued to send cards/presents for my niece and nephew which mollified sil a bit and she even paid me to look after them when they moved to our village. About five years after we divorced they all started being friendly they have helped me out a few times, get gifts for my (new) kids. A lot nicer than when we were married.

Ilovelurchers · 16/07/2023 06:26

It's very much a personal thing. I have had four failed marriages/long term relationships in the course of my life. I am only still regularly in touch with one family member of an ex - that's my (youngest of four) adult step son from one of my failed relationships.

Other family members of exes I remain cordial with/still Facebook friends but don't really speak to.

My daughter's dad is still close to my brother, and still phones my parents sometimes. But he was always more out-going than me!

There are no hard or fast rules. Certainly no reason you can't remain friends if both parties want that.....

Londonnight · 16/07/2023 06:38

I have been married and divorced twice. I kept in touch with in laws both times and would regularly visit them. My first ex MIL even bought me presents for my baby with my second husband.
I kept in touch until they all died.

Phillipa12 · 16/07/2023 06:38

My mil died shortly after our separation, but I kept in contact with my fil until he passed away. He was a lovely man who took our divorce hard. I saw him a couple of times but used to write regularly and send photos of the dc and cards on special dates. My ex, who I get on with, thought it a bit odd when his dad asked him to pass on a birthday present to me. It was only then that I told him that we had stayed in touch.

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