Can he force 50/50

[Coffeedrinker7]

ExH wants to do 50/50 with one week at his house and one week at mine. Until a year ago he only had the DC every other weekend and lived 100 miles away- we’ve been divorced for 10 years. His relationship broke down so he decided to move back to where we live. DC are 15 and 13. He says 50/50 is what they tell him they want- when I speak to them 13yo is ambivalent about it but says things like “he’ll be lonely in that big house all on his own without us” which I think comes straight from him. 15yo says she wants it.

i don’t want it because firstly I don’t want to be away from them for 7 days at a time, I would find that unbearable. Secondly, he has never parented them- when they have been there weeknights he lets 15yo stay off school whenever she wants, lets her stay out late, never washes school uniform, has never been to a parents evening. DD1 is in Y11 next year and I think she needs structure, which she won’t get at his house.

I have offered EOW with sun-Weds night at mine and wed-Fri at his. That way at least they get most school nights with me. He is raging, calling me all sorts of names.

If he convinces the DC to say they want his suggestion can he force this?

He can only force it by going to court, and the ages of your children their opinions will be taken into account.

Personally I don’t think a big change like this coming up to GCSEs is a good idea, better to have a secure home base and see dad when they want than a strict 50/50. But I don’t think essentially moving house every week is healthy at all. I know as an adult I would hate it, no idea why we put children through it.

Completely disengage from him. No emotion or getting into discussions. Do your children have phones to organise seeing dad? That way you can remove yourself entirely from the situation.

Well tbh if he can convince you dc ( or they actually want it) no court would prevent it at those ages

even if you agree eow wtc and the kids chose more eow won’t be endorced

many your feelings of not being able to be away is neither here nor there tbh.

vest you try to chat and come to an agreement

also at those ages if he lives close would advise not really having strict contact dates - fluid snd flexible better

By that age most families are doing a fairly flexible system where the children's schedules and wants dicate when they stay where. I'm sorry but you finding being without them for 7 days unbearable really isn't a reason for not doing this. They are getting older and becoming independent people who in a couple of years will likely be away at Uni for weeks at a time.

Offer him 60/40 where he has them fri night to monday morning eow, then every other tues/weds or weds/thurs. Say if it works out we can split the week in half rather than having whole week blocks.

I don't think you can stop it if they want it but if your main issue is not seeing them for a week compromising to this might work.

At those ages, it's the kids opinions that really matter.

Have you spoken to DC about needing clean school uniforms etc and if their Dad is willing to do this. If child is allowed to not go to school you could bring that up if he takes you to court. I think I'd offer Fridays after school to Monday mornings every week and have them yourself Monday after school until Friday morning. At least then you could manage their school attendance.

The dc’s views will count and at 16 can leave home and live there fulltime. Does he pay CM and could that be a factor? I don’t claim CM for the reason ex would have them just to avoid paying. I suspect the dc would get fed up quickly moving houses and the novelty of a slack parent would wear off. Perhaps suggest letting the dc choose and not having a formal arrangement for a trial period and see how things go once he’s having to collect from parties and they can’t find their school books at 8am. I also would make clear to dc they are responsible for being organised with their stuff and wouldn’t run round after them. If he’s that useless at parenting you could just let it play out. I don’t see how older more independent dc can be forced to stick to whatever a court orders anyway. DC might also make different choices than each other.

Can they not organise their own contact arrangements with the man? Only communistic the man by writing-email or text.

*communicate with

If your children want it I would support it. If it were me I would want to split the week so I had DCs (for example) every Monday / Tuesday, Dad had every Weds / Thurs then could alternate weekends. That way can keep contact more regular.

My ex and I are very flexible with our DCs. He has one sleep over 50:50 but still pays our self agreed maintenance as I do majority of school runs and lifts to various activities. I’d imagine it’ll move to 50:50 once at secondary and their care needs are leas