Financial protection and next home

[Carby86]

Me and dh are separating and at present I'm not rushing to divorce as such as i think it is important that we do things one step at a time.

Firstly, can we get some form of financial agreement prior to divorce as I wouldn't want him to have a claim on any new home I buy as he is possibly going to move back with his parents to save, and I would think he wouldn't want me to have claim on ant savings he makes whilst living with his parents.

Secondly, how to go about a new home. It feels impossible as I would need to go shared ownership but it seems all these options you have to have already sold your home before you can reserve a plot, but what if all the plots are gone by the time you are in that position.
I really don't want to have our place sold and not have a plot because I feel that will give our kids a feeling of insecurity as I won't be able to say that we have something else already in place.

Op you really need to get yourself a solicitor

The devil is in the detail

I think you need legal advice.

I would be wary about anything that happens before you have a financial settlement. Proceed with caution!

Honestly, see a Solicitor and find out where you stand

@Fiddlesticks82 i've spoken to a solicitor but they just talked about divorce, the process, the cost and the financial paperwork that goes alongside that.
I want to get the financial side sorted before we petition for divorce and it wasn't really discussed as all I was told was that the financial consent order won't be approved until you divorce.
We can afford limited solicitor support so as much as we can do on our own the better.
We would just be splitting everything 50/50 so it isn't complicated. We just want something in place during our separation.

The conventional thing is to expect at least one of you to rent before the full split happens, and certainly before you get full equity out of what was the marital home.

Could he move to his parents now (rent free); you stay in the martial home until it sells, then you can take half the net equity to help you buy, he moves on when ready. This is what your financial split documents would say, that the property is for sale & you will split proceeds as soon as it sells.

If you are waiting for better prices before you sell the family home, then he can get a mesher order to protect his capital gains position (assuming he's one who moves out 1st).

Sorry I don't know about shared ownership but it is described a route to property ownership fraught with pitfalls.

Might be worth getting on 'Legal Queen' on tic tok because you can ask questions of her. This is definitely a solicitor issue. Used to be able to do a deed of separation but a friend of mine has recently said hers was not taken into account by the courts.

@peanutbutterkid yes, shared ownership not my goal but I'd never be able to own a home otherwise due to house prices and my salary. I either rent forever or I part rent and part own so at least I have some equity.
Just going for what I think is the lesser of 2 evils.

And yes, conventional thing would be for one person to rent, but due to our set up and responsibilities the longer we can leave it for him to go to his parents the better. Also, if his parents say no (he hasn't asked yet!) then there is no way we can rent and pay for the house we are currently in.

@Toooldtoworry i love the legal queen and yes good shout. Maybe I can approach and see if it something she might cover info on.

If you’re separating, selling fmh, and are amicable and agree, we by not just get the divorce and consent order done ? Much easier

In that case mediation to discuss the finances

Is it amicable?

are children involved?

@millymollymoomoo i am driving the separation, but we are being amicable for the kids. Plus I don't think we hate each other and want to both end up OK. I don't want to rush him into the divorce though as I think he is struggling with where we are now and accepting it.

@Fiddlesticks82 thanks. I will look into that and see if there is someone local who can help and we could get something in place that we agree on.

If you buy another house before the divorce is done it will be a marital asset to be split like any other.

Op

There is no benefit to delaying the inevitable. None.

Me and dh are separating and at present I'm not rushing to divorce as such as i think it is important that we do things one step at a time.

the process of divorce is a series of steps

@Fiddlesticks82 surely being supportive of someone's mental state and well being is important though?

Yes, this is going to be awful, but my responsibility as a parent is to try and have a parting that leaves us both in the best place we can be for our children. It's no good if dad has spiralled into a mental health crisis and if taking things a step at a time with separation first then a period of him getting used to that followed by divorce (which feels like the final nail on the coffin) prevents that then is that not a good thing?

@MrLbz this is what worries me, but surely people do it because they can't stay living together for months while they sort out divorce proceedings (especially if they are not amicable and neither can afford to rent prior to equity being released from the home)

You can have a separation agreement that sets out the financial arrangements but it costs as much as a consent order then you have to get a consent order done anyway so it's a waste of time and money.

It used to be done sometimes under the old divorce rules when you had to wait 2 years for a no blame divorce.

Yes OP

but how is living with someone who you know doesn’t want to be with you and trying to live separate lives whilst under the same roof… helping their mental well being?

and can’t be very pleasant for you and your children either

This.

Just start the divorce process. It takes months.

You can do everything yourself apart from the consent order

And your children will get use to it. In fact the fact you are divorced is cleaner and easier for them to explain to people then a long separation.

I suppose I am trying to go at a speed that feels right for us.
I take on board what everyone is saying though.

Generally things o ly go one way - downhill - with waiting. New partners come into the mix, assets change arguing over children etc. no benefit to waiting ,

actually more benefit to not waiting so you can get it all done, get the souring of relationship over and e everything sorted, and then you can start to focus on rebuilding your relationship as co parents in my personal opinion

I know you are just trying to kind but stringing it out is not been kind. Divorce is rubbish but you may as well get it over as quickly as possible. Not proceeding may give him and you dc false hope.

I had a financial agreement in place before the divorce. This was all arranged by our solicitors.

I am not sure how much was based on trust that the other party wouldn't change their minds before the divorce was finalised.

We were amicable. He moved back in with his parents while we sold our home. This allowed me to buy a home for me and the kids. He purchased his own property after me.

There was no other way for use to do it. The decree came whilst I was in my new home. So was definitely after the house purchase.

Definitely some good things to think about. I might focus some chats specifically on what route we feel is best. Maybe it is wrong me trying to go slow and he would prefer to just get things moving. But its quite difficult to talk about it as he is quite withdrawn and sad about it all.
But maybe I just need to push through and ask him.