Hi I've recently started the divorce process from my narc/emotionally abusive ex. We've been separated about 3 years, lived apart for 2, I've been out dating etc, am totally fine (at the moment) with getting divorced. We share DC but he only sees them 1 day per week. We are friendly on the surface, but deep down I know he's still playing games and wanting control over me. Just for context.
However as my ex has been so controlling in the past and has had inappropriate boundaries with my friends (eg he offered one of my friends a lot of £££ for helping her out with something but did this behind my back, after we'd separated, she was appalled and immediately told me thankfully) I have requested my 2 closest friends block him on socials etc. They are FB friends with my ex but as far as I know don't actually message or communicate. Has been that way for the 15+ years we were together. He has never socialised with these people unless I was there too and at a big event, like a wedding, they live some distance from our area so it's not just that we see them around whenever. Getting together takes a lot of planning. They are a married couple but are purely 'my' friends. I met Friend A many moons ago at uni, about 5/6 years later they married Friend B. I became friendly with B over the early years. More recently I have seen that B also has narc tendencies, and is very controlling of A. I am suspicious of B and keep them at arm's length now. Want to be there for A so can't sever the ties completely with B unfortunately.
My ex and I don't have mutual friends, he had a tendency to simply poach my friends, or come between us, which I didn't realise until too late. I lost some friendships due to this in our early marriage, which I regret. Until now the typical 'picking a side' during a split hasn't really come up before as we don't share friends. At Xmas exH weirdly sent A and B presents. He has never, ever done that before. He is the type of man who doesn't even buy gifts or cards for his own family, let alone my friends. So it was weird.
Anyway these 2 friends and I have an event coming up where I know B will be taking and posting lots of photos on all of their social media. I don't particularly want my ex seeing what I'm doing and I know B will tag me in things as they like to put literally everything on their FB and Instagram. I messaged both of them to tell them the divorce was in process, that exH is being quite arsey about it to put it politely, and could they block him so as to prevent him seeing pics of me. Friend A immediately replied 'no worries'. B did not reply for a few days. When they did, it was to say no they will not block exH as they would feel too bad. Wtf? Then some other BS about how B's loyalties would always remain with me, blah blah blah. B is never, ever likely to see my exH again, so I've no idea why blocking exH would be a problem, it's not like they'll awkwardly run into each other at the shop or whatever.
At this stage I haven't replied to B. I'm obviously very disappointed not to have their support on this. Being controlling themselves perhaps they don't see what it's like for me, having my ex try to involve himself in my private life, or perhaps they see this as a way to drive a wedge between me and A. B has always been strangely competitive of me and A and hates that we have a history together before B came along. But I feel like me trying to argue my point with B will just cause them to dig their heels in and they really don't get what a shit my ex is.
I just needed to put all this down and hope that some MNetters will understand and maybe even have advice in this!