Me and my ex used to have shared care of our kids. But then social services got involved, due to neglect/welfare issues (while the kids were in ex's care, not mine). Eventually SS forced me to apply for 'full custody', threatening to take the kids into care if I didn't.
Obviously I immediately applied to the family court for that, and SS did the section 7 report, rather than cafcass. The s7 was highly critical of ex, and ex's new wife (they got married within 2 months of meeting, all while SS were preparing the s7). They described ex's new relationship as a 'toxic codependency' and background checks revealed that the new wife had her own child taken off her some years before, and had convictions for violence and drug possession.
During this period, temporary court order was issued stating that I was to have full time care of the kids, an ex couldn't even have unsupervised access. Ultimately though, the final s7 recommended that I be primary carer and the kids have contact with my ex every other weekend and more during school holidays. s7 report said that ex could only have that contact when they were 'well enough' (mental health and alcohol issues). There were also a couple of other very specific requirements for ex to comply with (but could be outing to mention them). I'm certain that at the final child arrangements hearing that's what we all agreed (inc ex) to.
Me and ex setup the agreed contact arrangements. Several months passed and I realised that the court still hadn't issued the final child arrangements order to us (certainly not to me anyway), so I contacted them and a while later I received a copy of it.
We've carried on the contact pattern for the last 5 years. There have still been many issues with ex and low level neglect, I feel I've been pretty tolerant to some appalling behaviour by ex that the kids really shouldn't be exposed to. Ex and new wife have fallen out dramatically and got back together more times than I can remember each. But I've never prevented the scheduled contact. Until now. Ex's behaviour has been awful last few weeks, including threatening to stab on of their housemates (in front of our kids).
But I've just pulled out the court order and there's no mention of the clauses about ex only having contact when well enough, (nor the other terms they were supposed to be bound by). It just states that ex has them every other weekend. I've a very good memory and I'm absolutely sure that formed part of the agreement at that hearing, but I can't see it anywhere. I'm now wondering if the court didn't type up the order (hence the long delay and having to chase for it), judge lost some of the notes or something. None of the legal docs (interim, nor final) refer to it.
So it looks like, my preventing contact means that technically I'm in breach of the court order?
I've set ex a couple of demands to be met before resuming contact. Main one being that I don't want their wife to be present during contact. Seems like they're back living together after nearly a year separated. But not at a property in their own names, just lodging with someone else, so technically homeless I guess?
Eldest DS (14) has now stated that they won't go to visit ex if the wife is there, Can't say I blame him at all, the whole atmosphere is more tense when she's there, everyone seems on edge, especially my ex. But that just leaves our younger two girls (9 and 10) who do say they still want to visit ex. Elder sibling (who was for a long time a 'young carer' for my ex) is responsible enough to realise when things are kicking off there, and what to do. But the younger two alone I don't think are old enough to do that safely. Ex has also recently upped sticks and moved (after threatening landlord/housemate). So now instead of being 10 minutes away for me to respond to an emergency when the kids are in ex's care, it's now a two hour drive to get them.
I'm guessing there's no way I can prove that the missing clauses in the child arrangements order should be in there? How much shit can I get in for refusing access without that clause to cover me? Ex is now getting really shirty about it and I'm panicking that I'm in breach of the court order.