Reality check

[Twogorgeousgirls7]

I won’t go into the emotional detail but suffice to say I left a subtly controlling coercive marriage 7 months ago. He swore he wouldn’t contribute a penny….and hasn’t. In fact the only things I took from the marital home were my make up and clothes as he said I couldn’t take as much as a plate. I’m ready to file for divorce but need to get a copy of the marriage certificate as he’s locked it away in the filing cabinet that’s never been locked in nearly two decades!

ok so the summary is:

Marital home - mortgage paid off, my name not on the deeds. He lives there with our youngest (13) who stays with me occasionally though it’s supposed to be 50/50 he’s scuppered that by doing all the things she’s ever wanted (horse riding, bunnies, holidays etc) which I can’t afford.

I live in a rental property with no financial support and can only afford it by taking out a loan to subsidise the monthly rent. Our eldest (16) is with me almost all of the time.

salary, his is nearly three times mine, and I stayed at home with the children for nearly 7 years with no salary or pension contributions.

I now work full time. Together for 18 years, married for 12

is 50/50 on the marital home and for the 7 years of pension unreasonable?

Not Unreasonable at all

13 year old are fickle but he is playing with her once it's over the bunnies and horse riding will dry up

That’s what worries me. If she’s feeling abandoned by me then when his attention fades off (one of the major reason of our marriage breakdown) then is it going to be even harder for her. I tell her I love her every day and send silly photos trying to be the mum I’ve always been for her. He’s so different (although if there’s one positive it’s that he’s stepped up for her at least) I just need to keep trying and being there even if she says no or she’s busy

Well done for leaving. It sounds like the best thing for you to start living properly and with happiness. Yes, 50/50 definitely sounds more reasonable. If you ended up working less for the children then the judge should take that into account too. See if this might help with getting more info on how to go ahead with this - https://iamlip.com/dividing-pensions-and-pension-sharing-orders/
It won't cost you anything https://iamlip.com/

Surely 50:50 house and those 7 years of pension is the absolute minimum?! Definitely not unreasonable

You also need to compensate for your ongoing limited earning power due to having stayed at home for all that time. He professed his careeer over those crucial years and you didn't. That continues to have an impact on todays earnings and pensions.

I'd be going for half of the fulll marriage pension contributions and 60~70% of the house. Start high and negotiate. Plus make sure he's paying child maintenance.

50/50 at the least. You should get more due to his higher salary and the fact you weren’t working for so many years.
My stbx hasn’t paid any CM for my 15 year old (and we’ve been separated since 2020) as the eldest stays with him a lot (he won’t cost as much as he is over 18 and working - off to university in September though) and he reckons it is only fair that he doesn’t pay towards the younger child!

You can get your marriage certificate online. Have a Google for order marriage certificate.

He sounds awful!!! My marriage broke down for a different reason (sexless marriage and no affection/connection).