50/50

[MaxwellCat]

Does anyone do 50/50 that actually wanted it? I feel like the only woman who would have loved 50/50 split i know many women are against it and have their reasons but did anyone else want it? Unfortunately my ex doesn't even want to see them let alone 50/50 but it would have been my ideal.

We do 50/50 and it's what we both wanted. It works for us both. Sometimes the shifts I do mean I don't see DC of an evening anyway as I'm in work when he gets in from school and DC in bed when I get home. So he goes to his dad. We (ex and I) both get 'free' evenings and generally every other weekend.

And ex lives across the road (can see his drive from mine!) so DC often pop and and forth to pick things up/drop off etc. DC likes the arrangement too.

That sounds like the ideal set up! Its nice to hear from someone that wanted it I've yet to come across anyone that does just stories of people wanting to fight it so its good to hear some positives.

I couldn’t do it and would hate to be made to. But my little one is only 2 so I think 50/50 at this stage would be cruel.

I’m in the process of splitting and really want to do 50:50. I’ve really struggled being a parent and I feel that by splitting it I will have time to recover each week and be a better, more enthusiastic and patient mum to my kids. I think dh is up for it but it’s all very new so we’ll see how it plays out.

This is how I feel, I’m not cut out to parent 24/7 alone. I need time off, it seems ideal to me I don’t know why it’s so unpopular

That’s understandable I would have felt the same at that age, mine are 12-6 so would be much easier

I’m hoping for 60/40. So H has 3 nights and I have 4. I like having a fixed routine and not a 3 days one week, 4 the next etc

You have to find what works best for not only you as parents but also your children as they are the priority. My children stayed with me and see their dad EOW even though he lives local now. My eldest doesnt even enjoy doing EOW and hates having 2 homes so to speak. We tried one evening midweek and that lasted 3 weeks max before she decided she wasnt going anymore.

My kids would be much happier with 50/50 as they wouldn't be with a mum who is too exhausted to parent most of the time it would benefit them a lot more and in turn I would be a better parent so it would definitely benefit them than having a stressed out exhausted parent all the time.

We do 50:50 and structure it so that DC are physically in one home one week and the other home the next week, but with dinner with the other parent a couple of times in the week. It works well for us all. The DC are happy and have a very good relationship with both of their parents.

As the DM in this situation, I love my time with my DC but also appreciate having some down time just for me, plus the flexibility to go the extra mile at work on the week that I'm not actively parenting. I also very much appreciate not having to carry the mental and emotional load of parenting with a 'Disney dad'.

Thank you yes this would be my absolute ideal! A Disney dad who swans in eow to do all the fun would never be a positive to me. I'm someone that needs regular time off as I am not cut out for parenting 24/7 alone. Being stressed out from doing everything has a negative impact on the children anyway. I would have given anything for 50/50.

My dc were mid teens and would not have wanted it, even if their Dad had offered (which he didn't). They preferred one base. They weren't hanging out with me, but in their rooms on their computers or out with mates. DC do get bored of the back and forth in my experience, which is just a reflection teenagers want their lives to revolve around them, not their parents. When homework increases near exam years they resent their lack of spare time and don't want to be told how or where to spend it.

No. My children prefer and crave the stability of one home, knowing they are coming home to their own beds, knowing where they are each day so play dates and days out can be planned

I should add that my DC are under 10 and I completely appreciate that as they get older they may want a different arrangement, and as their parents we will go with what they want. But right now they are happy and thriving and they have a great relationship with their DF, which proper time with him helps facilitate. Also, I think it helps that it's a week at a time in either home (whilst seeing the other parent during that week), so it's not constant change every couple of days and that also makes it easy to plan play dates etc as it's a clean, uncomplicated arrangement.

Having said all that, I do appreciate I'm lucky (no doubt some would say unlucky!) to have an ExDH who genuinely believes in equal parenting.

I would have loved some downtime . Unfortunately my ex only ever managed 2 hours a week supervised and it didn’t last long so it all on me the odd evening break or someone to share the load would have been amazing but not to be