He wants 50/50 - what did you end up with?

[MeThinksTime]

If father wanted 50/50, what did you end up with?

DD4 if that makes a difference.

Thank you for replying.

I ended up with 50/50. I believe that is what the courts prefer, if it gets to court. I have three children who were 7, 4 and 2 when I separated from my DH.

I should add we both wanted full custody but we agreed to 50/50.

Yes do 50/50, we coparent much better than we ever did when married. The dc want to see us both equally. Why would you not want 50/50?

EOW. He wanted 50:50 until he discovered Tinder and then suggested it might be best if he had the EOW. He needs a life too you know? 🙄

From my experience and the experience of friends Dad's seem to loose interest once they have the taste of the single life.

i mean…. Yes it depends on your definition of ‘want’. DH did profess to ‘want’ 50/50 but so far it hasn’t materialised and he only has then EOW and for tea one weekday after school (but they don’t sleep there). He has declined more days when I’ve offered them.
I’ve never said no to anything apart from when he mentioned doing one week on one week off when he hadnt thought through the childcare on his week (he’s out of the house 6am - 8pm weekdays) and I also felt it was too much of a chunk of time for my 7yo to be away from me. I said it needed to be max 2 nights at a time at least initially and invited him to come back with a proposed schedule but he never did.

he never mentions it now apart from if maintenance comes up…

I wish he was in a position to do 50/50 and that the 3 children would be happy to go there and be ok. It would be much easier for me.

Would prefer more 60/40 so child has more stability and less to-ing and fro-ing during school week. Also tricky when current arrangement is I am the 'main parent' if that makes sense.

DH wanted and got 50/50. Coparents very well with DSDs Mum and Stepdad.
2x divorced friends ended up with 50/50. One Dad embraced it fully and they coparent brilliantly. One lost interest about 3 seconds after court awarded 50/50 and sees DC a few times a year.

You could potentially do one week on one week off if you'd like to reduce the back and forth. Seems to work well for my friend's who share 50/50 with their exes.

You're the main parent now but this will give him a chance to step up so it might be nice to move to being co-parents instead. Just make sure you're not picking up the slack for him on his days.

He told me he wanted 50/50 but that was just another control tactic to try to stop me divorcing him. I said 50/50!was fine but when I offered him 50/50 after we'd separated, he only wanted the dc eow,

Both my siblings got 50/50. It’s good because the DC get to see each parent equally. My sister gets really down on her week off though as she misses her DC massively.

I was the main parent when we were together. He was pretty shit all round. But divorce and 50/50, which he wanted, was the making of him as a father.

I asked a similar question on here recently. My situation is that the children are 2 and 7, currently living with me and he has them alternate weekends. Ex wants 50-50 alternate weeks and I think they are too young for this pattern. I would rather it is more like 60-40 so that they can have a bit more continuity. Those people whose ex has got 50-50, has it been on an alternate week basis when the children as that sort of age? I thought it was more likely to be alternating weeks when they’re older…

My dc are 11 and 14, but we’ve been doing this same pattern since they were 8 and 11.

we do 2,2,5,5. So always every Mon and Tues night with their dad, Weds and Thurs with me and every other weekend. Which works out as 2,2,5,5

we live very close, less than a mile away. We often see them for things in between (I go for a walk with my daughter often in the evenings).

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Would prefer more 60/40 so child has more stability and less to-ing and fro-ing during school week. Also tricky when current arrangement is I am the 'main parent' if that makes sense.

it'll end up 60/40 or 70/30 if you go for 50/50

if you go for 60/40 it'll probably be 20/80 with you doing the brunt of the work and him getting the nice bits

In my experience, it works better when they're younger to do '5,5,2,2' rather than week on/week off. So: every Mon and Tues with parent A, every Wed and Thurs with parent B, then alternate weekends (Fri, Sat, Sun).

It means they're always in the same place during the week, so they can easily remember eg that Tues is always a 'Mummy' day, and things like Cub uniform doesn't need to move between houses. Also it's not so long without one parent for younger children.

Not necessarily. It has stayed 50/50 with us. ExH was a shit husband and didn’t pull his weight at all when we were married. But he’s stepped up as a co-parent.