Hi,
Just looking for some support really.
After 15 years together he's decided that he doesnt see a future together, we were due to be married in 12 weeks and have 3 children together. He left when baby was 3 weeks old.
Hes given me 20 reasons which are all about me, that I undervalue him, he feels less of a man, we argue, I nagg him, we have grown apart, it's not getting better, he doesnt love me, I didn't do enough for the wedding etc etc. I'm gobsmacked. He's led me on for months, sending me nice messages etc etc, he said he thought it would get better but he isnt happy, I don't listen.
He's moved to his parents, I'm left with the kids, he sees them 3 evenings a week and bi weekly weekends.
I've since found out that he's now got a close friend who's a work colleague, apparently platonic but he has been ringing her daily sometimes 4 times a day, all whilst we were together. Sent her a message a 6am saying I love you baby, wanted you to have a nice morning message. Apparently its an office joke. I'm really just trying to process and deal with a new baby, lack of sleep, cancelled wedding, two other children who are finding it hard also. He's gone from dad to someone who thinks he's doing enough. Rings the kids rarely, texts our eldest inconsistently and doesnt even consider what he needs to do. I know I need to drop the expectations and that he's missing out, when I'm the most present and ill come out on top. I'm seeing a counsellor this week, but just wanted to hear other people's experiences if you have navigated the same. What do I do? He comes to our house to see the kids, I don't want to have to leave when he is here and unsettle the kids. His first overnight is in a couple of weeks. My eldest already doesnt want to go as she wants her own space and bed. I've asked that she does as her dad loves her, but she's already noticing he's being inconsistent, yet I've explained we are all learning what our new normal looks like. The girls are a great help for me with the baby but I feel guilty as it isn't there baby. They support holding her, feeding so I can get 20 mins to myself. It's really not fair. They see me cry pathetically for what he's done. Yet he doesnt see it, he just thinks everything is all roses. I'm trying to keep on top of teas, shopping the house and new baby and I honestly feel like packing it in. If it wasn't for the kids I really do think I wouldn't be posting this. I feel that everyone is judging me, they see a single mum who's partner left before a wedding. They really must think I'm a monster. My family have been great, but they are hurting also. I just really want to feel better but being in the family home is making it so hard.