Is this normal? Divorce…silent treatment

[Sadandbroken1]

Going through a divorce. Still in the same house while finances are resolved. STBXH ignores me completely. Won’t even talk to me in public (e.g. at parents evening) or in front of the children (primary age). He won’t even look at me. This has been going on for a year.

AIBU to think this isn’t normal? I assumed we would at least be able to be civil for the kids, but maybe I was just being naive and this is what happens when you divorce.

I feel completely broken by it, but maybe I have brought it on myself.

So as not to drip feed, I filed for divorce because I couldn’t take the stonewalling, being blamed for everything, being told I was a bad mum. I would expect he would say (because this is what he said in counselling before I filed that I am a bully/abuser/have been awful for years). I don’t think he’s right but can’t seem to stop doubting myself.

The problem isnt that he isn’t speaking to you it’s that you are still living together. Low contact during the divorce is fine - using email etc

This is why you are divorcing him. He is trying to punish you. It sounds hideous but you will survive it and be rid of him.

People get worse not better during divorce and you are being unrealistic to assume you can have a civil conversation. That might take years.

Concentrate on speeding up the divorce and living separately. This situation does not get better.

Such a mixed bag of responses.

I guess I was really naive. I never in a million years did I think he would pretend I didn’t exist in front of the children. Even ignoring me if I ask, for example, if he has given DC any calpol at handover.

I really want to set a good example for them. I’ve read some co-parenting books and they don’t seem to say that this is the best approach. I’m not expecting to be friends or anything, just civil.

I’m really trying to get the living situation sorted as soon as possible.

My H is doing similar to me. House is on market but will likely take a long time to sell. If he’s talking to the kids (ie giving them a hard time about something) and I try to step in to calm it all down he immediately cuts me off saying ‘you are not involved in this conversation’
Its awful for the kids and I can’t believe he’s acting like this in front of them

Super typical and I had same on and off whilst trying to divorce narcissistic ex for 18mo living in same house. I am not a confrontational person and just couldn't understand how he wouldn't want to be civil but that was the abuse escalating to "get back" at me for taking "everything from him" by wanting to divorce. He only agreed to move when I said I would and he could keep everything, honestly I can make money again but wont ever get my years back. I guess the thought of me being "free" whilst he was in fam with kids dog etc made him want it for him instead but still took a long time with horrific fights (well, him shouting and swearing at me whilst I tried to make peace). There's a mixed bag of comments as each case is unique but for me I preferred not to waste money on solicitors etc and read a lot on psychology, work on acknowledge the abuse and his behavior, that he'd never change, so I could learn to manipulate him. Nothing he says hurts me anymore and I can play nice to get him to feel he's winning but ends up doing what I want (even if not on my time). It's not great but better than being still stuck with him. Sadly your kids will eventually see through him and he may lose their respect and empathy (both mine are teens and almost despise him for his childish behaviour) but it's on him.... He finally moved out 2 weeks ago and I can hardly believe, thought this day would never come. Still need him to sign financial settlement which I drafted (verified by solicitors but he doesnt know) but I'm waiting for right moment to bring it up for 5th time. This is the last step so if he doesn't sign I might finally get legal but I'm proud for having survived a lot already. You will eventually be free, when living situation is sorted then he will prob still try to make schedule with kids hard but unfortunately it'll just sour his relationship with them. Its sad these men dont think of setting a good example for kids of being mature and just generally a good person, and maybe it'll cause scars on our kids, but won't be worse than living in a toxic household. Good luck xx

I instigated my divorce as I had forced both of us to be celibate for many years as I wasn’t attracted to him. Sexless marriage for over a decade and it became very clear we were nothing more than friends.
He hasn’t spoken to me since although so don’t think he realises why I did it! I think he just thinks I want to screw him for money. I don’t.

Two older kids and it’s awful for them not having any communication between their parents. He’s childish to act that way but he can’t force me to stay with him.

Divorce has been going on for three years and I’m desperately unhappy and skint now!! I’m the second highest paid person at my place of employment so you can see how much money the solicitor is extracting from me!

My ex had an affair and began seeing her on weekends, while we still lives together. I instigated the divorce.. and he gave me the silent treatment. I just think it’s what man do when things don’t go their way.. they sulk and they also try and make you the ‘bad one’.

He can’t react because it will be used against him later.
Silence is not a weakness.