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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Have I done wrong ?

27 replies

Sallyxox · 23/06/2023 09:43

So me and hubs ended, he left me and there was a lot of limbo him wanting to be friends etc.

anyway nearly 2 weeks ago I divided to cut it off and basically just be in contact about little one and nothing else, went out when he came to see her to which he kicked off about (no idea why)

anyway since that he seems to basically have distanced himself from little one, saw her Monday for 20 min, no sign of him seeing her no mention of it.

have I done the wrong thing? I don’t want it to affect her but i need to heal and live my own life without him in it, but the door has always been open for him to see little one.

OP posts:
Autumntimeagain · 24/06/2023 16:58

I'd set my own routine with DC, regardless of whether he feels he wants to 'visit' or not !

He got angry at you for leaving him alone with DC because he wasn't prepared to actually 'parent' her, he just wanted to play for an hour and get under your skin !

You need to do 2 things;

  1. You set YOUR weekly 'routine' with your DC and YOU decide what days/times he CAN have DC. (NO negotiation !)
  2. He doesn't get to 'visit' at YOUR house ! He has to take DC OUT somewhere ! You know, like an actual Dad ?

If he doesn't want to see DC, then he won't, and if he's simply expecting you and DC to be sitting around at home every bloody day/evening 'in case' he should suddenly decide to 'visit', then he can jog on !

You're DONE running your life to suit HIM ! So suit yourself, now and always ! If he doesn't like it ? Well who bloody cares ?

Your DC deserves a Dad who prioritises his time with her, not one who only uses her to control his ex partner ! He'll either shape up or ship out, and your DC will then know exactly where she stands as she grows up. (It's better for her mental health to have no relationship with a shit parent than her be fooled into thinking that he actually cares just because you want him to care ?)

Original poster
Sallyxox · 24/06/2023 20:26

Autumntimeagain · 24/06/2023 16:58

I'd set my own routine with DC, regardless of whether he feels he wants to 'visit' or not !

He got angry at you for leaving him alone with DC because he wasn't prepared to actually 'parent' her, he just wanted to play for an hour and get under your skin !

You need to do 2 things;

  1. You set YOUR weekly 'routine' with your DC and YOU decide what days/times he CAN have DC. (NO negotiation !)
  2. He doesn't get to 'visit' at YOUR house ! He has to take DC OUT somewhere ! You know, like an actual Dad ?

If he doesn't want to see DC, then he won't, and if he's simply expecting you and DC to be sitting around at home every bloody day/evening 'in case' he should suddenly decide to 'visit', then he can jog on !

You're DONE running your life to suit HIM ! So suit yourself, now and always ! If he doesn't like it ? Well who bloody cares ?

Your DC deserves a Dad who prioritises his time with her, not one who only uses her to control his ex partner ! He'll either shape up or ship out, and your DC will then know exactly where she stands as she grows up. (It's better for her mental health to have no relationship with a shit parent than her be fooled into thinking that he actually cares just because you want him to care ?)

Yeah this makes sense I’m too much of a people pleaser and want to keep the peace so I really need to grow a back bone, first 3 months iv probably been emotional but now that’s all fading I just wanna start a new life and the way it is now just isn’t how I want it.
thanks for the advice much appreciated.

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