Can’t cope anymore

[Anna23125]

I have never posted on here before but I just don’t really know where to turn too I am really struggling to cope at the minute to the point where I feel like I don’t even really want to be here anymore. I decided to separate from my partner earlier this year, we went getting along, lots of arguing and I didn’t want the children growing up with 2 parents who were at the point of really not getting on.
I moved out to stay with my sister as it was my decision. It has been so awful ever since, I do work but don't really earn much as I had to get a job to fit around child care, we rented a property so my ex partner has stayed in that and I have moved out with nothing, no furniture just my clothes and some things of the children’s. The children came with me but we have agreed on shared custody so they stay with their dad half of the time. I just feel I have hot rock bottom, I don’t really earn enough to save a lot of money, I am going to have to rebuy everything and start again and it is breaking my heart every-time I’m not with the children we have 2 girls 1 and 5. I just feel like I’m constantly letting everyone down, there isn’t much space at my sisters either and I worry that the girls might not want to stay with me then I feel like I’m a burden on her. I honestly have never felt so low before, I don’t really know why I am posting this I just don’t know where to turn anymore.

Sorry you feel
so low

thibk about think you can chsnge positively and start taking steps to do so

what did you do for work before? Can you go back? Can you learn more skills ( online courses etc)
think about upping hours/ going full time
look for any help you can - after school clubs, friends circles to help, etc

make sure you’re getting out, a walk in the woods, a stroll by the river,

call friends, join a class, whatever.

make small but positive steps and you’ll get there. It will feel like an uphill battle but you’ll look back and feel empowered with taking control of your life

You did the right thing by separating. Ultimately this is better for both you and your children than living/growing up in a toxic environment.

It's unbearable not being with our children. I am trying to divorce and this is the hardest bit to me, so I totally understand why you feel like that.

Like the pp said though, you need to do something to distract you. It doesn't mean you'll be happy without them or even if you are happy when they're not with you that you'd not prefer to have them with you. It's better for you though if you can find a way to feel less down when they're away.

Could the time without them can be used to build a future for you all? It's a long term goal that needs to be made up of small steps. And possibly even smaller steps of the small steps.

The pp lists lots of things you could do. They're all practical and achievable. You're capable of them all. The thing is that you're going to have to accept that you're not going to feel better and then start, you'll probably have to start doing some before you feel better. On top of that you'll have to be aware of your thinking/attitude. If you find yourself saying "Can't be bothered, just want to see my kids" you'll need to tell yourself something different.

But it's also important that you allow yourself to grieve the family set up you've lost and the ramifications of that, including not being with your kids all the time. I absolutely don't think that you should think yourself happy. What you're going through is heartbreaking and exhausting. It really is. At some point though if you dig deep you will find that you have some power here to improve things, even if only a little bit.

Good luck OP. Take care of yourself.

Have you looked into benefits you could get?

have a look around see if there are jobs out there that might fit around your childcare responsibilities.
Can you do any kind of remote work?

m take one day at a time. And allow yourself to grieve the relationship ending.

it’s always super hard at the start because of the change. And because you’ve moved out. Reconsider leaving him with everything you need some things to set yourself up too. But wait till you’ve got a place for you and your girls first.

Thank you for all your lovely replies I have had a look into universal credit and I can claim a bit whilst living here, it’s just a bit tricky with the job situation and increasing hours as I don’t have much help with Childcare, the little one goes to nursery but I struggle finding someone to collect the oldest from school when I am in work so it would be harder if I worked more hours and would also have to pay for extra days in nursery
hopefully everything will sort itself out soon it just feels so hard at the minute