No idea how to move on

[icecreamcrackers]

I'm sorry its the first time I'm writing in here but been reading all your posts for a while.

I don't really know where to start except I've no one to talk to in real life.

My husband who I've been with for 21 years (since I was 15) decided a week ago today that he was leaving me and that he had already rented a house big enough to ensure the children had rooms there to stay when they wanted but that he had to stay in this house till the 30th. He said he still loved and cared for me but it was over and he would not let us ever happen again but said he wanted us to try and be friends for the children.

Well I took it pretty bad as was out of the blue for me as we had been working on our relationship or so I thought and we were getting on better. I have literally broken down and I've shouted and screamed at this man to the point he now won't talk to me at all but the reason I'm struggling more is because my friend ship group as always been me and him together and our best friends together. Our houses are next door to each other we used to cook meals all together, work together, socialise together. Basically always together.

I'm struggling so much and been to the doctors today and been put on sertraline. My best friend has taken sides with my husband and no longer speaks to me after I said some bad things about the closeness of my husband and her friendship.

I don't know how I'm ever going to start again with making friends and eventually moving on with someone new I've never even been on a date.

Sorry this is long but I needed to get this out somewhere as I'm just so lonely and it's only my children keeping me together at the moment.

I’m so sorry, this is awful. Can you go and stay with someone for a while? It must be difficult if you are in the house together. Do you have a bad feeling about your husband and best friend?

Believe ot or not I've found out 10 minutes after posting that yes they are having an affair something they have denied for months making my feel like I'd gone bananas.

His planning to move her into his new house and her kids into the bedrooms he promise was for our kids.

As soon as I read your post I thought it sounded like a script. They have been plotting and planning.

I'm so sorry. Just try your very best to block them out of your heart and mind and focus on yourself. Do not let them dictate how your life is going to be now.

I’m so sorry this is happening, what a shock! Just shows your intuition about them was absolutely right!
you are going to be fine and will have a better life without this cheating pair. For now, prepare for the script and get your hands on all the paperwork you need to divorce him.

Christ, your first post was bad enough but the update is horrendous.
Emotionally it's going to be very hard on you, it's bad enough that your husband is leaving but to find out he's having an affair with your friend 😔 I'm practically speechless on your behalf.
Do the usual mn advice, get your ducks in a row, copies of all financial information.
Someone once said re divorce "prepare for the worst and you won't be disappointed"
You'll need to find an inner strength to get through this.
Start telling people what's happening, not to shame him but so that you have support.
See a solicitor, are you working, can you afford to keep the house on, if he wants to sell can you get a mortgage.
Get practical, he's one step ahead of you, he's had time to think and plan, so now you need to catch up and get a plan in place.
You need to protect yourself, don't think "he'll never screw me over financially because he wouldn't do it to the DC" trust me he will.
He's already betrayed your family and he'll be thinking about his future and he's got the ow behind him as support.
Get tough, you can fall apart later, now is the time to protect yourself.
You have my deepest sympathy ❤️

I’m sorry you are in this situation.

Please don’t ever allow yourself you be in this situation again where you have such a narrow friendship group.

How is the other husband?

Dint worry about another relationship or dating that’s for the future!

Focus on what you need and what you want - speak to a solicitor and sort yourself out financially and emotionally.

When you are ready, build your friendship group. What about family? Did he isolate them from you?

I've been in a similar position. It hurts like nothing else. The betrayal by your two closest people, your children's lives being messed around to serve their selfish dreams. All I can say is that it does eventually get better.

Try to keep your cool especially in front of the children, they need you to be their oasis of normality while their father plays out his stupid fantasy. Prepare yourself for more revelations, you'll start to put the pieces together and realise that they've been deceiving you for longer than you think and that will hurt.

Get a good solicitor, you need good legal advice now.

You may need the Samaritans in the depths of dark nights, call them if you need them. Find a counsellor you can talk to. Tell school, they need to know what's happening with the children. Gather your family around you and lean on them.

He doesn’t get to just call the shots

children staying with him and ow right now, nope, too soon. How old are they ?

do you own or rent ?
do you work ?
can you pay rent/mortgage and bills? What money will be give you ?

go see a solicitor and tell him he can move out but not be relinquished of any financial obligations

take one step at a time
see a gp if you need help with stress/anxiety etc

OP this is horrendous. I'm so sorry they've done this to you. It's the shittiest of shitty ways to treat someone and no one deserves it.

You'll be feeling devastated right now. If there are other people in your life (family, other long standing friends) who can offer you a ring of protection and kindness right now please call on them.

Take things minute by minute. Take care of yourself physically as best you can. Don't forget to eat, drink water (especially if you're crying lots), lean on people if you can. It's going to take time to recover from the shock, then the betrayal and cruelty and then the loss of the relationships. You will get over it though. Sending and all the best