Having second thoughts about getting divorced

[Unsure101]

So for the last few weeks I've been having this niggling feeling that maybe my ex wasn't so bad after all. (We are in the process of applying for a divorce). Even though I know when living with him that it really was hard, he had alcohol dependency, depression, paranoia, stingy, he didn't like my family, he never helped out with our daughter. He did have good things, but for sure there were so many negative things about him that outweighed the other stuff.
So I left after feeling miserable for quite a while and I was so happy and relieved to be on my own and free of all his issues etc.
However fast forward a few years, I've been doing online dating and just have met men that are either womanizers and want to see different people or guys that just want sex. I never had trust issues with my ex, he never cheated and despite all his issues he was/is a decent person and was loyal to me. I haven't found that in anyone yet.
I'm also going to have to get a mortgage on my own and provide for myself whereas if I had have stayed with my ex, I wouldn't need to worry about housing , paying a mortgage by myself etc.
It's like leaving has given me other problems that I wouldn't have had if I had stayed with him .
But also I know deep down that if I went back, within a week I would probably know I had made a mistake and then would have to go through a separation again and I couldn't put my daughter through that again.
He is a great dad, takes our daughter regularly and looks after her well. I still care about him and would never want anything bad to happen to him.
Please help, I'm so confused. I've only started feeling like this in the last month.

He doesn’t sound great and how do you know his alcohol dependency wouldn’t potentially get you into some major financial difficulty? It sounds like there are plenty of red flags and you’ve done the right thing. It’s not fair on your daughter so stay with a man like that.

I think what you are describing is very human and probably something alot of people feel but don't want to admit to themselves. Not one of us is perfect and the reality is we all have our pros and cons.

Generally though going back in reality isnt usually an option as times have moved on, and from what you've said, going back isnt really what you want.

Online dating is tough. After a certain age there are alot of undesirables to weed through. Still there are certain decent blokes - but it takes luck and time to find one.

Its probably worth trying to focus on your own self care, what makes you feel good and maybe do a list of what you want in a partner (based on what you are realising) to help you find the right one online dating. Or if you have an interest and time, maybe join groups. It can often be good to get to know someone on a friendship level first anyhow.

I agree with @Tosca23 that these feelings are really common OP. A bit of time apart tends to soften the feelings of annoyance and anger you had when living with him, and you miss the nice bits. However, from your description, he really doesn't sound great! Wouldn't you like to give yourself the opportunity to meet someone who isn't a lazy stingy alcoholic?