Divorce/Separation debt £10k so far

[User6374738]

Hi,
I am starting to really worry about finances. I ended my long marriage at the end of 2020 and we have lived separately since April 2021. Stbx inherited property and moved in there and I have stayed in the family home. The family home
will need to be sold as (a) I’ll need to give stbx his share when that is decided and (b) the house is too big for me and is costing a lot in maintenance costs.
Stbx hasn’t paid a penny in child maintenance for the younger child (15) and the eldest is over 18 and splits time between the two of us but leaves for university in September.
I had to switch solicitors as I was with a group that were charging money a lot but not actually doing anything for me (wanted me to accept what the other side were offering which was poor). My new solicitor is a lot better and thinks I’ve been ripped off by previous group.
We are still waiting on paperwork from the other side but this divorce is just dragging on - will be 3 years in December! I was told it’d be less than 6 months! As a result, I am paying the bills on the house myself and paying all of my daughter’s costs and did, initially, have both kids 100%. Stbx has taken semi retirement since I filed for divorce and has cashed in £75k of his pension.
Due to paying everything at home I have ended up putting things on 0% interest credit cards (including some solicitor fees). Solicitor fees alone are over £7k so far. I didn’t expect this to go on as long as it has. I am starting to struggle and credit score is getting worse. I have never been in debt before - ever! I earn £43k but bills plus everyday costs is eating into it all.

What should I do? I’m 51 so worried I will not have any disposable income if I need to get another mortgage once this is sorted out. I was planning on just paying £400 a month back but I am still getting solicitor bills every month and odd bills here and there (I had to buy a new washing machine yesterday so another £400 gone).

I don’t want to put anything else on credit card but worried about the interest when the 0% interest rate ends. My job is also very stressful (I am currently off sick) so worries are starting to kick in.

I had thought about paying off the CC with money from the house sale but this whole process is taking ages!

Any suggestions? I have never been in debt! Apart from mortgage (which I paid off 10 years early)!

Sorry to hear this. My divorce cost £30k and I had no money so they took a charge on the house so I didn't have to PAYG. What is the hold up, 3 years is a long time. If your oh hS THEIR name on the mortgage they need to be paying their share.

The hold up is because they documentation hadn’t been provided for the financial settlement by my stbx. My last solicitor group hadn’t done their job properly and hadn’t asked for evidence of figures. My new solicitor pounced on this, of course. They just seem to be dragging it out.
I am not paying a mortgage as the family home has been mortgage free for a number of years.

If you’re paying for things like building maintenance for the marital home then you should argue for the financial settlement when you sell the house and split the proceeds to reflect that, as XH is also responsibility for his share of capital works.

If you’re currently on sick leave, are you on full sick pay or SSP? Are you claiming all the benefits you’re entitled to and have you considered speaking to a debt counsellor or advisor such as Step Change? If you’re living in the marital home then things like the bills to run the home and cost to replace broken appliances aren’t “divorce costs”: they’re simply your living costs. You’ll still have the majority of them after the divorce and adjusting to living on one income rather than two often takes some budgeting advice.

I am familiar with your back story and how long you have been extremely diffident about acting on any aspect of this divorce. And the more you post the more someone opens up a new avenue of financial recourse for you to explore. In the meantime you are stuck, unhappy and spending money to receive advice you don’t seem to use.

As far as I know you have a well paid job and, if I’m not mistaken, it is in the NHS so you will have a good pension provision. The family home is paid off and you can easily downsize with a small mortgage based on the share you have been offered. Your ex has offered you a larger slice of the equity despite earning less and now being on the point of retirement. All he asks is that you don’t touch his pension.

you could counter his offer and ask for a bit more equity. Or you can spend a lot of money arguing over pensions when yours is growing and his isn’t. That’s before you get to expense of valuations and court fights.

Just because you can fight for every penny with a shit hot lawyer doesn’t means you need to or that it’s good for you. My own experience is that the people who fight to the bitter end remain bitter, even if they “win“.

This is just my advice as a random on SM.

Well that would have been useful to know, why are people so secretive

I dont know the back story but if you are being offered 50% of overall pot, not worth dragging things out. You should get 50% of cashed in pension pot. If you are not being offered 50% of overall marital pot that is another matter.

im so sorry about what you're going through. I get it, it's a struggle especially when you watch how much these solicitors cost and your ex won't cooperate properly. I'm in the same boat. I'm really glad you've got a good solicitor this time around. Try this though to save a bit of money e.g. some forms yourself instead of getting your solicitor to do it and being charged hundreds/thousands - https://www.iamlip.com/ there's a lot of stuff on here to help you reduce your costs by telling you how to do it yourself. I hope this helps!

You can save some costs by avoiding emails or phone calls for questions you can research elsewhere. They charge for everything. New solicitors sound better though.
Hold out for your fair share. The marital pot means Assets, Debts, Pension so if he has been naughty and drawn down/reduced his working hours early, that can be used as leverage to negotiate a greater share of the house etc