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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Should I move close to STBX for benefit of kids, or take on more change?

13 replies

snowdrop2011 · 20/06/2023 08:29

Separating, very amicably, from DH. We have two DDs, 11 and 8. We will share custody 50:50 (we both work full time). Older girl starting local secondary in September, I’m hoping to find a rental property over the summer. DH staying in family home which is a walk to both primary and secondary schools.
Two potential rentals: one larger place in a local village, 15-20 mins drive to school and to family home. Lots of character/ambience, comes fully furnished, I really like it. Would be very different, it’s a drive to anywhere. One smaller place 10 minutes walk away, very similar to family home, same neighbourhood, same lifestyle.
Likely tenure of rental is 2-3 years and then I will likely move again.
WWYD? If it was just me I’d go for new change. I know the girls would prefer less change, and that divorce is plenty change already. They would be near friends and home in the nearby house, and I like my life here, but I think me and STBX would probably benefit from turning a new page.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 20/06/2023 08:31

I understand your desire for change but think that the second closer property is what your daughters need now. Maybe move again in a few years for the real New Start?

honeyandfizz · 20/06/2023 08:36

Second. Don't underestimate how many times you will need to get in the car and do that journey over a week. The DC need stability now and being in an area they are already familiar with will be hugely comforting for them.

SauceForTheGoose · 20/06/2023 08:38

It's a tricky balance between what is best for your daughters and what is best for you.

Where would you be happier? What works best for you for half the week when the DC are with their father?

When they get older driving them everywhere at all hours is a pain.

SheilaFentiman · 20/06/2023 08:48

I would stay within walking distance, it will mean they can go to and from their dad’s without you

aSofaNearYou · 20/06/2023 08:54

I think either would be fine as 15-20 minutes drive is really not that far, but I'd base it on whether you're happy to be a living taxi. If you'd rather not, go for the closer one.

millymollymoomoo · 20/06/2023 09:09

Don’t move away from school and rurally!
your children are growing up, they are going to secondary and approaching teen years.
this will be so important for them to be close to school, to friends, to walk to friends and between mum and dads

dont under estimate that , they won’t thank you for it

Reugny · 20/06/2023 09:31

Stay near there dad for the 2-3 years as you are amicable.

For the reasons already mentioned plus this helps takes the pressure of both of you in sorting out where they are staying if something happens at work or in your extended families that you need to deal with.

Mumof3confused · 20/06/2023 09:33

The kids will very soon want to come and go, pop out to see friends etc. They would probably much prefer not having to rely on lifts. Also making several pickups, after school and clubs etc will quickly become annoying.

lastminutewednesday · 20/06/2023 09:35

As someone stuck with a 3 hour round school run for DSS's I would move to the nearer one if you possibly can. The travelling is fun for no one!

Another2022 · 20/06/2023 13:19

Best thing I did through the whole thing was move within walking distance for the kids. Makes a huge difference to us all an ex is still out of my life

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 23/06/2023 15:46

The second option. As others have said it will be better for your daughters. Also the amount of running back and forwards you’ll have to do for pe kits, uniform, trainers and items they “just can’t do without” that have migrating to the other house will be phenomenal

snowdrop2011 · 30/08/2023 19:51

Thanks all, quick update, i followed the collective wise mumsnetters advice and took the local house. Kids love it and it’s working really well so far. Thank you for talking me out of what would have been a completely impractical choice 😁

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 31/08/2023 07:29

That’s good to hear
glad it’s working out

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