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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

P***d-off to be his free-of-charge House removals-WWYD

11 replies

ThisBitchIsBack · 19/06/2023 15:40

Back story: DV& DAbused for years – Ex finally taken away by police just over a year ago. Police did not Charge, but I had a Court issue of a Non-Mol then it changed to Court Order – (not to come 100mtr of me/house).
Initially, under police supervision he was able to come back to the house and had 2 hours to grab & go – he grabbed all the cash, all his leisure, and as much sports equipment he could fit into 2 vans. Over the first 2 months he has asked a mutual friend to collect certain sport equipment, extra clothes and some bits & pieces, which I have obliged.
Then he made a load of allegations to the Courts against me with regard to the children – CAFCASS are involved. We’ve been back to Court 3 times now. I am still in the house with the children.
Each time we are in Court, no matter what the reason, he always complains to the Judge that he doesn’t have his belongings. I remind him (them), I have not heard from the mutual friend. He tries to push the fact he wants to come into the house to look and see what’s his, even his solicitor has said he can’t! I have represented myself, I have no money, he was in sole charge of all finances, even my savings (which he has taken, I know …)!
I know he wants the house (and has used the children allegation) to try and gain the house with the fact that he can take care of the children better than I, in that house!

Friday just gone, I receive an email from his solicitor with an attachment of 2 A4sheets, full of all the items he wants from the house/loft, including tools from his man-shed. None of these items are urgent, he could have had them slowly over the past year. I’ve looked at the list and it is ridiculous! A lot of the items are really old and shared (ie. CDs).
This would mean I would be spending HOURS & Hours over several weeks, sorting through the house, the loft and his man-shed. He has sent no boxes etc. for ALL these items to be moved.
I do not want to do this! He is controlling me again, and laughing at me, I’m sure.
What do you think (legally) I can do?

OP posts:
AHobbyaweek · 19/06/2023 15:59

Could you respond that this is a list for the mutual friend, not me. Please forward to him and give him my contact details again.

EllaRaines · 19/06/2023 16:08

For the sake of this stopped being carried on I would spend a weekend getting as much of it together. You can get free cardboard boxes from McDonalds that have contained frozen fries that are in plastic sacks and the boxes are clean and hold a lot whilst being easy to carry shape wise.

They will be flat and you will have to tape them up again.

A small price to get shot of his crap.

Maybe you could rope a friend in to help, with the offer of making them a meal etc.

Give him a set time in writing for which they must be collected by otherwise they are going to charity or the tip.

Crazycrazylady · 19/06/2023 19:24

Honestly what's the real alternative to you doing it. Him coming to the house which you don't want or b) sending a friend over to root through your things.
I'd suck this one up to be rid of his crap .

Itsybitsydoodah · 19/06/2023 19:39

Just go through each room methodically and pack up whats on his list and anything else you find of his. Don't be packing it all with loads of care, just in a box and then boxes all in 1 place that they can be collected from. Give the solicitor a date to collect them by and be done with it. By getting flustered and letting him get to you he's winning.

CuriousGeorge80 · 19/06/2023 19:53

I would reply to the solicitor and get confirmation that this is the only list as you won’t do it twice, and confirm you will then collect it up once he has provided you with the boxes and packing material for them. You will use reasonable efforts to locate the items in your house. You will then email the solicitor with 7 days notice to confirm a date that the items you have been able to locate will be on the front lawn or whatever, and that his friend is to collect them at x o’clock that day. That if he doesn’t provide the materials you won’t be able to pack them, and if he doesn’t ensure they are picked up by friend at the allotted time you will dispose of them. Send the letter and put it to the back of your mind until you hear further.

BetterFuture1985 · 19/06/2023 20:47

I'll need to do some more research on this one and come back in a couple of days. There's probably a mechanism to claim reasonable costs or something.

drpet49 · 19/06/2023 20:48

Crazycrazylady · 19/06/2023 19:24

Honestly what's the real alternative to you doing it. Him coming to the house which you don't want or b) sending a friend over to root through your things.
I'd suck this one up to be rid of his crap .

This

ThisBitchIsBack · 19/06/2023 22:50

Thank MNers - you've all given me the strength to carry on to move on. I was so stuck emotionally and p'd off.
I'll reply to the solicitor, set some boundaries and dates for collection, and get them to supply boxes to get rid of the crap (plus some)!
I knew I'd have some sensible suggestions from you all. Thanks:) x

OP posts:
ThisBitchIsBack · 19/06/2023 22:53

@ BetterFuture1985
While I'm packing, I'll look forward to your answer.

OP posts:
Probationnotontarget · 19/06/2023 23:11

Who needs his crap on your life!

I agree you should state that this is the final list and you will include any items you deem to belong to him that aren’t joint assets.

I would also state boxes and packing materials need to be delivered by X date and collect within 7 days notice

etc

Then throw shit in boxes and have a good clear out! Good ride car to bad rubbish.

LadyJ2023 · 19/06/2023 23:17

Exactly what I would do also confirm first of all this is the last list ever then get rid of it and start fresh. Happiness comes before anything else for you and the kids and don't worry cafcass are great my ex also did that and it all fell thru eventually all unfounded.

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