Do we still drive miles to facilitate if he doesn’t pay?

[Countrywellies]

My ex husband and I have had a consent order in place since we separated. He has always paid on time and I have taken the child half way to his house. This is a drive of 1.5 hrs to drop off then home then I go the next day to collect. we do this every other week.
it’s quite tiring for the kids and they have started to ask not to go but they do have a good time when they are with their dad. He refuses to move closer.
recently he has been made redundant and decided not to return to a similar role or accept redeployment, but instead to go back to college. He has contacted Child Maintenance. Is there anything I can do? The huge reduction in payments will make a difference financially and I don’t think we should have to drive so many miles anymore.

It is hard to come to terms with the fact he doesn’t care if his children go without and he still is going on holidays and spending his large redundancy payout. He has a mortgage so I assume he will have to get a job at some point.

Contact and the money side are two separate things. If he reduces his income I don't think there's much you can do. I wouldn't be driving the kids halfway though, especially if it was him who moved away.

Contact and CMS are unrelated in the sense that your kids are entitled to see their dad regardless of what he pays.

Did you move away or did he?

Thank you,
he was with his company for 15years and hopes to live off his payout.
he plans to become a plumber.
I moved first then he moved so neither of us is where we started. It’s about 130 miles between us.
I tried to be fair but the time travelling and the costs are going to make me feel like he’s laughing if he’s not contributing.

Is it written into the consent order / cao that you drive and pick up the costs, or anything re collection and drop off?

if not just stop and say kids are available for collection
if it is then you’d need to co tinge until you could get an amendment to it.

it’s a shitty thing for your ex to do though !

as a side issue, how old are the dc? If they don’t want to go eow you should look to an amendment in contact schedule - that distance eow is not ideal !

It's not pay per view.

If you moved a significant distance away from the original family home/ schools and then he moved and made the distance even further it's six and two threes. Centering the children, if you helping with the travel will help them see their dad then that's what you need to do for them for now IMO. You're doing it for your kids, not for him necessarily.

His earnings and career choices are his responsiblity.

Does he know that stopping child maintenance will prevent you from being able to afford fuel? How old are the children?

You also said you are separated... Are you divorced? If not can you initiate a divorce and seek more in the financial split to compensate for his plans to stop paying maintenance?

I wouldn't be driving them if he wants to see them then he'll have to make his own arrangements....and pay for them

If you can't afford the petrol.money without maintenance then he will have to collect and drop them back. Just tell him you can't afford the fuel with no maintenance. He might agree to find fuel.

Perhaps college will increase his income in the next couple of years, short term pain for medium term gain?

I know it sounds a bit unfair, but in the unlikely event that I wanted to boost my earnings with a full time qualification, I would probably do it ASAP too. The returns on qualifications do tend to diminish the older we get.

I would explain to him that without the maintenance you are unable to afford fuel so he will have to pick them up and drop them home. Then the ball is in his court

Thanks for answering its been helpful. I will look at changing arrangements so less often or he collects. It’s tricky as he won’t speak to me.
I wish I’d had some notice so I could save but he went straight to child maintenance to overwrite my order
I paid for the original court order and the entire divorce. I have always funded every item of clothing they’ve had. He would put me down in front of the kids, and would ignore them, not want to spend time with them. He only hit me once, but that was enough. At least being divorced has made him appreciate his time with them and that was the whole point!

If I saw it benefitted my children, of course I would drive them to see their father, if I could afford to, It's not their fault after all.

At first I felt I would travel as I had won my freedom. Got to move back to where I am from and have support. I guess things can change very fast and a consent order stating everything will stay the same until the kids are 18 means nothing.