Fathers Day

[Lostmum2407]

My stbxh moved out after Mother’s Day 2022. He bought me a present from the children last year. I got him a present from my children for Father’s Day. We both got presents to give to each other for Christmas. He didn’t get me a birthday present in Jan or a Mother’s Day present this year. I discussed this with several groups of friends plus my parents and family. I was reluctant to buy him anymore but felt it wasn’t fair on the children who were really upset that they couldn’t give me anything for my birthday or Mother’s Day. Every single one of my friends and family said I should continue to buy him presents. So I bought him something small for the children to give to him as it’s not fair for them not to be able to give something to their dad. He has sent me an angry message saying he doesn’t want the presents. Now I wish I’d gone for my gut instinct. What should I do? Baring in mind, he’s moved on and met someone else. I’m on my own with no interest in men. He’s still angry with me as I wanted a divorce. I only bought him a bottle of beer and a bar of chocolate Ffs! Thoughts?

"Ok won't do it again" msg to him & move on.
It doesn't sound like has to more complicated than that.

My children want to give him presents. I’m not disappointing them. Have I been given shit advice from all of my friends and family to continue buying guns small presents on special occasions?

I feel you! I always wanted to exchange gifts and cards for the sake of my DS (6) but was told a couple of years ago that we are not doing it. To be fair he knew he was an arse and sent a card and flowers on Mother's Day. I sent a card to him today and the card DS made in school.

Don't let him upset you again by not putting yourself out for him

How old are your DC?

They are 9 and 12. He never told me we weren’t doing presents anymore. Just stopped. He should have spoken to the children about this. I always seem to get things wrong but I’d rather upset him than my children.

‘Him’ not ‘guns’ 🙈

Well this is easily solved. Text him telling him it was for the children and in future, he is to give them money to get a gift from them for him. Kids can still make their own cards. Doesn't need to be a bigger deal than it is.

You could solve by just giving your kids £20 to spend on him. If he doesn’t return the favour, that’s on him and I wouldn’t overthink it.

Ask dc if they want to get df a card and gift . If so facilitate it until they are old enough to go into town on own and they can use their own pocket money.
Found it very useful to receive brilliant gifts "from the dog" for every Birthday/Christmas going forward for myself. Never disappointed

I would say… I understand but this isn’t about you, or me, it’s about the children and it’s important to them because they love you. I don’t expect anything back but I want find a way to make this possible for them without bringing us into it because it means something to them.