Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce but I don’t want to lose my home :(

38 replies

Indoorvoicesbluey · 17/06/2023 22:50

I do love dh but it’s clear our marriage isn’t working. I really don’t want a divorce but he does.

He bought the house in 2006 when I was pregnant snd we moved in together. At the time I didn’t have a good job so couldn’t afford a mortgage so it’s in his name. I was a housewife for 6 years and started working last year.

I have the most awful credit report from previous relationship and there is absolutely no way I would be able to rent.

this is our home and I don’t want to lose it :( we have a child whose home it is.
he’s saying he will sell and split it but even so.

iv said I want a solicitor and he keeps questioning why do I want one? Because I don’t want to be screwed over :(

im so upset :(

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 17/06/2023 22:58

Are you actually married? If so, then the house will have to be split, unless he’s a very high earner. Generally it’ll be a 50/50 split.
Also, you don’t need his permission to seek legal advice!

febrezeme · 18/06/2023 06:31

Sounds like the house will have to be sold - you could take it on - remortgage to give him his share but sounds your credit rating will stop that so I think you need to come to terms with the house having to go sorry

Your dates don't add up if the house was bought when you were pregnant in 2006 and you stayed at home for 6 years - that would make 2012 but you've only gone back to work last year? Presume you mean 2016?

mostlydrinkstea · 18/06/2023 07:31

You don't need his permission to see a family solicitor. The marriage is not a short one so the house is a marital asset. You will both need to be housed and it is likely that the property will need to be sold so that you can both buy smaller ones. Get the financial information together; the value of the house, how much you both earn, savings, pensions etc and go and talk to someone qualified to give you advice.

OttoGraph · 18/06/2023 07:36

iv said I want a solicitor and he keeps questioning why do I want one? Because I don’t want to be screwed over :(

why would you take advice from someone who wants to divorce you? Maybe he doesn’t want you to have the legal advice so he can screw you over… and it’s not his call - he wants the divorce so you’re both now making solo choices not joint choices as you did as a married couple

Go and seek legal advice, it’s your right to do so. Some solicitors will allow you a 30 minute free session.

AuntieJune · 18/06/2023 07:47

Go and see a lawyer. You don't need his permission.

You've reduced your earning power by being a sahm all those years, he might need to provide support payments to you and a very big thing you should be thinking about is pensions - presumably you don't have much and could claim some of his. A lawyer will be able to advise.

Re credit - did you have to be declared bankrupt or something? Research what you can do to improve your rating. If you have a chunk of equity in your house, would it be enough to enable you to buy something outright, even if it's tiny or in a different area?

AuntieJune · 18/06/2023 07:51

I'm not sure if the typo is that your child was born in 2016 not 2006 or if you were a sahm for 6 years or 16.

If your child is 6 there might be a way to defer sale until they're older. If they're 16 you need to be thinking differently about your home, considering what your DC wants to do in terms of jobs and education etc.

millymollymoomoo · 18/06/2023 09:04

Agree the dates don’t add up

nono e in here will be able to say if you can keep home or not

but if you’re married a settlement will be based on what assets there are, housing children, providing ‘suitable’ accommodation for both parents, earnings and potential

it’s unlikely a house can be kept if the person wanting to stay can’t afford to pay the mortgage snd all living costs and if by deferring other parties renders them almost imply to buy

you should both seek independent legal advice but keeping the house may not be possible ( or it may)
Sounds like you’ll struggle to get z mortgage if your credit rating is so bad ….. how would you expect the mortgage to be paid on this house ?

JeandeServiette · 18/06/2023 15:14

Credit files only go back six years.

If you've been in this relationship since 2006, the previous relationship's events aren't on your credit file.

BetterFuture1985 · 18/06/2023 15:20

Get legal advice (the kind you actually pay for, not the free half hour that is marketing) but I think the prospect of remaining in this house is close to zero. Your child is also old enough for you to work 25 hours a week and in five years time you will be expected to work full time. The prospects of getting more than child maintenance are also very low.

Charlieiscool · 18/06/2023 15:21

If you are getting divorced then the reality is that assets have to be split and you are unlikely to keep the marital home in these circumstances. See a lawyer and be grateful you are married so at least you have some entitlement.

LegendsBeyond · 18/06/2023 15:27

You need legal advice, but you will lose the house if you can’t afford to buy him out.

RenovationNightmare · 18/06/2023 15:38

I don't understand how you have bad credit from a previous relationship if you've been in your current relationship for over 17 years - even if you spent 6 of the 17 years as a sahm.

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 15:46

Tell him you aren't giving him a divorce unless you get the house. He married you, he is wrong just to break that up never mind expect half the marital home too.

Maxiedog123 · 18/06/2023 15:58

I'd be very wary that the stbxh who says " you dont t need a lawyer" is planning a settlement very much in his favour.
Do you know all his assets including pensions?, there was a very long running thread about an exH who had a secret very large pension who was very keen to settle their finances with disclosing it
You need a solicitor and full financial disclosure before any settlement.

Maxiedog123 · 18/06/2023 16:00

Of course you don't need his "permission" to see a lawyer.!

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2023 16:04

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 15:46

Tell him you aren't giving him a divorce unless you get the house. He married you, he is wrong just to break that up never mind expect half the marital home too.

He doesn’t need her permission to divorce her, he might just need to wait a while. Where would you have him live if he gives her the house?

NorthernSpirit · 18/06/2023 17:17

kitsuneghost · 18/06/2023 15:46

Tell him you aren't giving him a divorce unless you get the house. He married you, he is wrong just to break that up never mind expect half the marital home too.

This is very bad (and frankly ridiculous) advice.

The OP can’t blackmail him into not ‘giving’ him a divorce unless she gets her own way. That’s why there is a legal system - to stop these ridiculous demands and ensure both parties get a fair settlement.

If he doesn’t want to be married - that’s his decision (however painful that is for those involved). People fall out of love - they shouldn’t be pushed for that.

TeaKitten · 18/06/2023 17:20

Credit files only go back 6 years, so your bad credit isn’t due to your ex. Go and see a solicitor, put yourself first.

LadyLapsang · 18/06/2023 17:23

When did you get married and when does your child turn 18?

WoolyMammoth55 · 18/06/2023 17:28

OP, sorry to hear of your situation.

First, you must speak to a lawyer. He's an idiot for trying to stop you, you'd be a bigger one if you listened!

Second, take a look at your credit file, and then speak to a mortgage broker. Ours is independent and very good at finding deals. (You don't pay to chat to him, only pay once the deal is going through, so if you don't buy he doesn't get paid. Lots have this fee structure.) Perhaps you will manage to get a mortgage and buy him out - until you've really crunched the numbers you just don't know.

Any chance that you have family who can help?

Otherwise you will lose your home but you will get 50% of the equity value to move on with. Another query for the mortgage broker is what you can borrow with that amount of deposit - then you can start looking on rightmove and get your thinking cap on.

Wish you all the best. Flowers

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 18/06/2023 17:29

See a solicitor. He doesn't need to know about it. Register your home rights with the land registry so he can't sell it without you knowing. You will be entitled to a fair share of assets. That doesn't mean 50/50, depending on length of marriage and earning potential. If he is a higher earner and has a good pension, you could trade off house equity for not going after his pension.

E.g. House worth 300K, 200K equity with 100K mortgage. He has a pension worth £250K and you have £25K in savings. If you can get the mortgage yourself for the remaining 100K mortgage, you could take over the house, ownership 100% signed over to you and he keeps his pension and has the £25K savings as a deposit for a new house.

In your situation you can't afford not to see a solicitor.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 18/06/2023 17:34

Find out who his solicitor is and get one yourself so there’s no conflict of interest. You don’t need his permission to get a solicitor, you get your own so you don’t get screwed over by him.
Not sure about the 2006 references to you only starting work last year.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 18/06/2023 17:35

Also try to take emotions out of the equation and think about what you actually need. If its a 4 bed house, you don't need that for you and a child. Plus if you've just started working and on low wage its a lot of upkeep. Even if you were getting 100% of the equity, you'd be better in that situation to sell and buy a smaller 2 bedroom house with a smaller or no mortgage. You'd have much more income available to enrich your childs life compared to single mindedly trying to keep him in a house that isn't needed.

BodegaSushi · 18/06/2023 17:36

Do you mean 2016?

millymollymoomoo · 18/06/2023 17:36

@kitsuneghost stupid thing to say and completely irrelevant. That won’t happen