How do Sixth form age children cope with divorcing parents

[Goingthrough]

I am midst divorce, 2 children - age 9 and 16. Hoping the nine year old will be with me maybe 9 nights out of 14. Her big sister so far has been 'making it up as she goes along' - splitting her time between her father's house and mine. It's actually worked out at probably 80 percent of the time with me as I am home more and he works longer hours. She feels torn and doesn't want to make any formal commitments to set days in each house but my solicitor thinks the fluid approach is putting more pressure on her having to make choices all the time rather than less. I also think it would help her father know what days with her he has so he can make plans. Any advice?

Children of that age generally prefer one hone rather then 2 and and often not set patter of overnights

my own are generally with me but will go visit dad, go for pizza, pop in for dinner or whatever then come home. All depending on homework, friends, other stuff going on

do you live near each other - that helps

it sounds amicable between you and your ex, - great that you've managed it all so well your kids easily move between the two houses. my ex will insist on daughter spending equal amount of time with him and she won't want to (i was always primary carer - taking them to the dentist, school pick up etc etc so it's what she knows) but she feels guilty to tell him she will spend more time with me. i feel set days will help everyone know where they stand but don't want to make her to commit to anything so a bit stuck....

she can’t be treated like a 6 year old thiough and expected to go (as example ) eow and one night per week

at that age she can and should be allowed choice and flexibility and no court would uphold any arrangement thst she didn’t want

it is likely that the more he insists on it the more she’d be pushed away

my parents split up when I was 17. I wanted to stay mainly at my house where I lived full time with my mum. I saw my dad sometimes once a week and that was fine by me. I didn't want to be house hopping at that age. I wanted to be in my full time home with my own things around me. No court would force a teenager to go to her dad's. He needs to understand she is a teenager. I remember at that age an hour or so was enough with my dad.

At 16 it's likely that it will be her decision, so your STBXH can stamp his little feet, but he'll get nowhere. His best bet is to support her decisions if he wants a good relationship.

Divorce is hard no matter what, but it's up to both parents to put their children first. It doesn't sound as if your ex is doing that right now.